Starting with a clean slate

I weighed in today...problem was I lost my weight tracker book. I had my monthly pass, so the lady had my info. She said I gained a pound, which I'm okay with considering I haven't weighed in in a few weeks and had Hanukkah and 3 Christmas' within that time. So, she suggested we start new. I'm good with that. So, I'm starting out the year with a clean slate. No ups or downs or bad weeks. Today is the official first night for me.

Tonight we're having a few people over for New Years and are attempting to have it as healthy but tasty as possible. (Not counting alcohol.....) I'm off to find some appetizer recipes.

Stepping along in new ways

In an effort to, well to successfully lose this year, I'm trying new things. Tonight: McDonald's grilled classic sandwich, no mayo. Quite delish if I must say so! Kinda makes me wonder why the hell I've been eating breaded chicken strips there all this time. And, its a great option when I'm at work and in a rush.

I wore my pedometer today. I took 8127 steps. I don't feel like I took that many steps. I don't know if thats a lot or not, to be honest. Well, I actually took more steps than that---I didn't put it on until 7pm when I went shopping. There's no way I took 8127 steps, right?

Weigh in today. I'm a little nervous. Not sure what to expect...a loss would be such a great confidence booster right now....

Need some prayers

Lorena and I worked together as ER Techs while she was in nursing school and I was in paramedic school. We were weight buddies---we both lost, and gained, together. We finished school around the same time and ended up going our separate ways. She got hired as a nurse and I was hired by the fire department.

As it would be, Facebook brought us back together. I found out she had her ups and downs with her weight, as I did, but she did awesome and finally overcame her battle. She had successfully had gastric bypass surgery and it changed her life. Come to find out, she lives about 25 minutes away from our new place. She became pregnant and delivered a baby boy, Carson, at 8pm tonight.

Tonight should be the happiest night of her life, but her other son, Julian, who I think is 9, is fighting for his. Monday he was hospitalized. They think a virus attacked his liver and put him in septic shock. Right now he is on a ventilator so he doesn't have to work so hard to breath and he's on dopamine to keep his pressure up.

Please, please, please, pray for Julian as well as for Lorena (and family) to get through this all. She's already fought so many battles in her life, she'll get through this one too. Prayers can't hurt though.

NEPA trip

The ride was yucky, but we made it to PA just in time for supper Saturday. I do NOT miss I-81 roads, especially through Schylkill County when its rainy, foggy, and windy. My parents were happy to see us. The kids got TONS more presents to dirty up my parents living room with.

I endulged in some cookies yesterday when we had yet another Christmas dinner, but other than that, I feel I did pretty well. Not once did I feel overfilled, which is definitey abnormal for me and a PA trip. Can you believe I even ate fruit while there?! I know....shocker.

After visiting with Laura and Miss Onyella (super cutie) this morning we stopped at a local restaurant so I could get my fix of PA pizza. (Brian doesn't like it--they're square, so I have to get it myself.) I ordered two slices, ate one, then ate half of my chicken cheese steak. Yes, that's still a good amount of food, but ask Brian its MUCH less than I usually eat. I could down four pieces of pizza no problem and have a side of pierogies as well. I can't believe I haven't thought of this before---leftovers. I can enjoy that meal again. Maybe tomorrow at work. Amazing concept. You don't have to down it all at one time.

Could I have done better? Yeah, probably. Am I happy with the outcome? Absolutely. I think this could be rated as my "best" (eating wise) PA trip yet. I'm actually looking forward to my weigh-in New Year's Eve.

Now....if we could just get home. This ride feels like its taking forever!!!

Merry Christmas! To all of you who follow and support me, thank you. New things are to come. Next Christmas, there's going to be a whole new Sarah. I promise. :-)

Yeah!!

I got a much needed pedometer for Christmas from Brian! How many steps am I supposed to do a day to be beneficial?

I LOVED every single gift I got from Brian. The best is he is working 24 hours for me on Christmas Day and I get to spend the day with one of my closest friends. :) Thank you honey. Even on our worst day I'm happy to have you.

Restart

I feel more on track today. I got encouraging words from a few people yesterday which may have been just what I needed.

I'm back to journaling. I had myself a super delicious breakfast--although high in points (10)--it had fiber, protein, and sweetness. Everything I need to keep me from snacking or searching to fill that sweet tooth. I can see myself having a late lunch/early supper. Good thing about being a fatty is you get extra points, so I still have 18 to play with for the rest of the day.

For now, I'm off to have a much needed day by myself with Brian. :0)

I've been humbled.

I just don't get it. I find it so easy to fall off this damn wagon. I had such good momentum going then I missed a meeting because of work and snow, got in a bad mood over something stupid and all went to hell. Its a vicious little cycle.

I was humbled back to reality last night. I met my Captain at work to go over my PPA (performance appraisal). I read it over and saw I got "outstanding" and "exceeds satisfactory" for every field until it got to my physical fitness. "Needs improvement." I know it was no real shock, but damn, I need improvement. My Captain is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. I don't think he has a mean bone in his body, so its almost painful for him to say bad things. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry. I wish I could change it but they (management) are really coming down on these PPAs." He's referring to their accuracy. That means he can't fudge the paperwork and make me 7'8" tall so my weight would be acceptable. He went on to say, "with the needs improvement, you can't get the leave award. I'm really sorry." That means I don't get two free days of annual leave a year. (Not that we get to use them anyway, but I'm sure it equals $$ somewhere down the line.....)

I was embarrassed. I said a lot of "its okay" and "its not your fault, don't be sorry." In our job, joking our way out of things is a good coping mechanism. I made jokes til all the paperwork was signed ending with, "well, hopefully it won't an issue this time next year." With that, I thought we were done. He looked at me and uncomfortably asked, "are you doing anything to lose it?" Huh. "Yeah. I go to Weightwatchers," was my reply. But right after I said it I thought, "that's kinda like going to an AA meeting drunk." I mean if you aren't following the rules, what good is the meeting?

I've been doing quite a bit of self-reflection. I haven't really come up with anything yet. I still pray that one day I'll wake up 60 pounds lighter, but I'm pretty sure I need a different prayer book (and God) for that one to happen. I keep trying to find that "thing" -- that perfect fit -- so I can finally be successful at this challenge but I don't have luck. I buckle down and give myself a few good days and then something happens and I'm back to where I started. Usually in the kitchen eating shit.

I know part of the gain is hormones but Lord knows thats not the bulk of it. Its just an easy and valid excuse. I had someone suggest a nutritionist, but I've never been to one. The one that was suggested to me is supposed to be great but super expensive. Now I've got the thinking of expensive and failure tied together. The nutritionist won't work. I've already talked myself into it. Ugh.

I'm not down and out....just frustrated and baffled. And waiting. If you find that prayer book, let me know.....

What we have here

is a good ol' fashioned snow storm. Its snowing its butt off and we're enjoying every minute of it. Bella and Brandon are here and were out playing by 9am. Remi LOVED it and is worn out. Brian made a nice big breakfast, we already have plans for grilled cheese and soup for later and at some point, Xmas cookies will be made. Its feels perfect.

Retin-A

Anyone use this before? Holy hell, yesterday and this morning I looked like a snake moving out of his skin. I don't do skin---dry, peely skin, bubbly skin, any kind of non-normal skin. Wanna gross me out? Start peeling your sunburn in front of me and I'll probably start gagging. But what do you do when its your own face falling off? I gagged a little. Mainly when I put lotion on and I could feel all the peely stuff start to roll up. Ew. Grosses me out thinking about it.

Body in motion

I'm back on track. I'm so glad I got to the point where I'm able to have a bad day, get over it, and move on.

I started walking. No, not the mountain climbing I did a week or so ago with Kim, Brian and the dogs, but little walks. Last night we took a patient to the hospital, I cleaned the medic unit up and then had nothing to do while my partner wrote his report. I decided to take what ended up being a 15 minute walk around the campus of the hospital. It is too wet to walk Remi around in his normal pee areas today so we went for a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood. The walks are just long enough where I feel I did something but not long enough where I'm loathing every minute of it. My hope is all these little walks will help my endurance so the big walks won't seem so horrible. The only downfall now is the air is just so damn cold. I try to keep bundled, but then the sweating starts. I need to look into some of those "warm" clothes like Under Armor or something that wick moisture away but keep you warm. And tissues. I definitely need to stick some tissues in my pocket. Damn runny nose.

Confession

I feel like I should tell you I've eaten like shit today. Not lots, just bad, bad, a lotta lotta points choices. And the sad part is I can't even say one of my choices were the "comfort" food I was hoping for. What a downer.....

Time to suck it up and move on to tomorrow. I've still got 4.5 days left. Weigh in is on Friday or Saturday this week since I work Thursday.

Down again

Week 4 weigh in:

This week: lost 5.4
Total: lost 2.4

Water, water, go away!

Well, all I gotta say is my medicine works. I love my diuretic (prescription). I've lost 7 pounds since Friday. More than that, I feel sooooo much better. You don't realize just how uncomfortable you can get until you lose all that extra bloat. My joints aren't hurting as much and not having "cankles" is a nice plus. I'm very much looking forward to my weigh in on Thursday.

So, I went and I gained 4.6 lbs. The sucky part about being in week 3 is that puts me 3 pounds over my beginning weight. Ha. Well, its okay. I feel better about weighing in and I'm back to tracking everything.

I don't feel like cooking tonight. Brian suggested we eat out. I agreed. The kids don't. Ugh.

I propose a new intensity level

I still haven't weighed in. I was due yesterday but I didn't go. I think I'll go today just to be back on track, but I'm being a baby and don't want to go because I know I gained. Good excuse, huh? Not really, I know.

Brian, Remi and I started walking with our friend Kim and her dog Shelby yesterday. It was one of the more painful things I've done in quite a long time. I found out we live on a mountain. A very steep mountain. And once you go down, you eventually have to come back up. The coming up part is where my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I think WW needs another field when determining activity points. There's low, moderate, high intensity. There needs to be a "I think I'm going to die" intensity. I met that one multiple times yesterday. But, the hour walk earned me 6 APs. I can't complain about that.

I made buffalo chicken pasta for supper last night. It was good, though spicy. I ran it through recipe builder and it was 6 points for 8 svgs.


Buffalo Chicken Pasta


main meals
POINTS® Value: 6
Servings: 8


Ingredients
8oz Whole Wheat Penne
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 pound(s) uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 Tbsp paprika
1 1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
1 1/2 tsp Durkee Pepper, Black Ground
1 medium red onion(s), sliced
1/2 c texas pete hot sauce
1/2 cup(s) light sour cream
3/4 cup(s) fat-free skim milk
1/2 c Light Blue Cheese Salad Dressing

Instructions

Cook pasta according to directions.

Heat oil in skillet. Cut chicken up into bite sized pieces. Put chicken in skillet. Mix together paprika, garlic pwdr, salt and pepper then sprinkle over chicken. Once chicken is almost cooked through, add onion slices. Add hot sauce and let simmer for 2 minutes.

In separate bowl, mix together milk, sour cream and blue cheese dressing.
Add mix to chicken and heat through. Once heated, mix with pasta.

Finally.....

after years of going to doctors and getting blood drawn and tests of all sorts done, I have been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. Its one of those things I figured I had for years, but supposedly every test came back normal. The weird thing is the only person who took me kind of seriously has been my dermatologist when I saw him for acne and hair growth issues. He diagnosed it based on bloodwork today. He said although the actual levels are fairly normal, the ratio between two of them (I can't remember which two) is greater than 3:1 which is typical of PCOS. It explains lots: infertility, constant bleeding, ovarian cysts, weight gain, hair in places it shouldn't be, acne....

I asked the treatment and he said he has already been treating it with my BCP and Aldactone. Honestly, other than the weight gain (which I have to work on losing) most of my other symptoms have subsided. He up'd my dose of ALdactone and said I'll be back to normal in no time. Huh...normal. Its been over a decade!! :0)

I'm thankful its over!

Thursday is my weigh in day so I obviously didn't weigh in this week. Picking Thursday as a weigh in day ended up being a nice buffer! By next Thursday, Thanksgiving remnants should be gone and I should be back on track! I'm on track already. My MIL made a very good WW Thanksgiving dinner last night. I think we all enjoyed, except my FIL. He liked the turkey and asparagus. I think he was waiting for his non-WW meal to show up at any minute while we were eating the healthy stuff! LOL. It was funny. I ate things I never would have normally like squash soup. At first I didn't like it but it was weird...the more spoonfuls I had, the more I wanted. I even went up for seconds! Maybe knowing it was zero points helped. The asparagus was super delicious and I was a fan of the mashed potatoes. Mixed into the potatoes was cauliflower and cheese. I'm a huge cauliflower fan so I really enjoyed it. I think we all mutually decided the stuffing recipe could use a little tweaking but it was nothing my MIL did wrong. The recipe called for LOTS of sage so the taste was quite strong. But, like I told her, WW recipes are hit or miss. Some are absolutely delicious and others taste like diet food. By reading the recipe its really hard to tell how it will be til its made. For dessert we had angel food cake with strawberry puree and FF Cool Whip which was delicious. We're a pretty big chocolate chip cookie family so she made WW chocolate chip cookies which were delicious. They were 1 point for 2. Granted they were small, but they were tasty.

How'd it go at my parents house for Thanksgiving? I'd rather not talk about it. :) I ate lots of veggies, even squash and rutabegga, which I don't even like, but I did dabble a little into my Nana's pork dressing. Oh well. That day is done and over with. No sense in dwelling on it now.

My mom made cranberry apple muffins and they were so super delicious, I'm honestly salivating now wishing I could have one. They're small, but wonderful. And only 2 points--I put it through the recipe builder.


Apple Cranberry Muffins


main meals
POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 12

Preparation Time: 0 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
Course: main meals

Ingredients
1 cup(s) whole wheat flour
1/2 cup(s) Quaker Oats Quick Oats Cereal
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp table salt
1/4 cup egg beaters
3/4 cup(s) packed brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup Country Crock margarine with calcium, melted
3/4 cup(s) apples, diced
3/4 cup(s) cranberries


Instructions

Heat oven to 350. Grease muffin cups or use foil cups. Mix flour, oats, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt in a large bowl. Add egg beater and sugar together and whisk until smooth. Whisk in margarine and vanilla. Stir in apples and cranberries. Pour over dry ingredients. Fold in just until dry ingredients are moistened. Scoop batter into muffin cups. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until browned and firm to the touch. Let cool on cooling rack.

For my Xmas list

This could be the best (or worst!) thing I'll ask for this Christmas. I probably won't mention my interest in it at my meetings.

Week 1 meeting

On my way to have lunch with Amy, I stopped at a WW meeting. It went well.

Week 1: down 1.6 pounds (now 218.2)

I need a meeting.

I haven't had my first weigh in since going to WW meetings. I think I really need it. Here's the thing....I know I've made some major changes over the past week or so. I also know I've made some mistakes along the way. As with most people, it seems its easier to focus and dwell on the negative aspects of anything, so I'm focusing on the mistakes I've made instead of the good I've done since attending my first meeting.

My other mistake? I step on the bathroom scale every day. Every time I do that I feel like I'm not doing as well as I should be, even though I don't know if that is even true. So....long story short....I need a meeting. Especially before I head to PA for Thanksgiving.

Oh, nuts.

I made the mistake of buying nuts the other day and I think I may be overdoing it now. At the time they seemed like a perfectly healthy snack, but my little handfuls all add up. I was searching different foods and came across some nut that is 21 points for 1 cup. OMG thats crazy! Not that I think I ate a cups worth, but I'm sure there are days where I am definitely taking in more than I should be. I love me some mixed nuts, but I'm starting to think I may have to ban them from the house :(

Auntie Anne's deliciousness

I know I'm doing WW and all, but I'm thinking this would be a pretty great prize to win. I never win anything, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Do you believe in coincidence?

Holy hell. Things just suddenly got better in my life. I don't know what happened and I'm sure it may all be coincidence but I suddenly have all this positive in my life right when I needed it most. I have people supporting me at work. I'll get a compliment just when I'm feeling like I screwed everything up. I found a whole bunch of new blog support friends (yeah!!). Brian and I are working like a team and not like enemies. I feel so on track and good about the way things are going its almost a little scary to be truthful. I talked to my mom about it this afternoon and I told her I guess I just didn't allow myself to see all this positive before or its a big coincidence....she told me she doesn't believe in coincidence. She says its here now because I need it. Maybe she's right.

Still going strong

I'm still on track today. I'm eating like I should be...

I'm trying out a new chicken Ritz cracker casserole recipe tonight. Its in the oven now so hopefully its good because I'm hungry! Its a little high in points (9 per svg) but I think it just might be worth it. For dessert we've got No Pudge brownies already made.

I tried working out today but I quit. I've been sick for the past three days so a few minutes into it I started coughing and needed a break. I watched the rest of the DVD (does that count?) and definitely want to do the whole thing. Its Jillian Michaels Shred DVD. It looks pretty intense but its only 20 minutes long. I think I can suck it up for 20 minutes. In the DVD she says people on day 5, 6, or 7 should notice a change in their endurance from the first day. I'm curious to see just how true that is.

Tomorrow I'll be working so no Jillian for me, but I think I'll head back on the treadmill like I did last shift. I've got a few more chapters of The Shack to read so I think that will be just the time to do it.

I sucked it up....

and moved on. I didn't let a few bad days set me back. Typically, I will have a bad WW day or two and I let it destroy my whole week. I have a hard time accepting bad decisions and letting the next day be a "new" day. My leaders sat with me last week and told me its something I have to work on in order to succeed. It would have been so much easier to wake up this morning and jump into junk food bliss as I normally do, but I still have til Friday to make some changes and hopefully see a loss. In order to do so, I needed to suck it up, move on, and make today a new WW day. I did just that. I'm happy I did.

Puts it all in perspective.

I may have found the article/website I need to jump start working out. So what if it calls me a dummy....

Angels?

This lady and her baby were meant to be here. Congratulations to our crews for doing a stellar job.

I can't imagine why this country has issues.

Overheard by one of my co-workers: "see that's why I'm not getting a job. I make just as much as you do on unemployment."

It could be worse.

I was complaining to Brian about 10 minutes ago that I have to give Remi a bath later today. Then I got this email from my friend Tim, about his black Lab, Porter:

We were walking in the woods and he was off leash. I see his nose go up in the air and I could already smell something funky, but he just went on a bee-line to it from a good 150 yards away. It was way off the trail and he wouldn't listen to me, so i had to make my way through the bush to go get him and see what the hell he was doing. You can imagine my reaction when i got there and saw him rolling around with a skunk carcase. Oh yeah, this was all happening in the pouring rain too, so it was quite the treat. Three baths and a dousing with de-skunking solution later and he still smells a bit. We're going to PA on Friday night, so hopefully the smell fades more because 6 hours in the car with a skunky dog just won't be fun.

Day 3.

This WW thing isn't so bad once you get back into the hang of it. I have been doing well. I'm not going to lie. Yesterday I didn't journal and I know I was over my points. We went to a friends retirement happy hour and I ended up having a few drinks. While out, though, I utilized some WW tips so I didn't WAYYYYY overdo it like I could.

Brian seems to be on board with my weight loss and made an awesome supper tonight. He made 4 point chili (with a bunch of veggies hidden within) and a really great 2 point cornbread. It was one of those meals that I can't wait to have the leftovers tomorrow.

In Giant today, I found WW refrigerated meals. I bought three different ones and hope I like them. I think they'll be super convenient for work. Anyone try them?

I've been snoopin' around at other WW blogs and found the common theme is WI's at meetings. I decided to try it. Again.

I cancelled my WW online subscription and decided to try use that money towards actual meetings. We'll see how it goes. Today I'm on plan. I even skipped three fast food places I wanted to stop at and the pizza section of Weis. I came home and made myself a turkey meatball sub (Perdue turkey balls, RF provolone, 1/4c sauce on a potato roll) with a salad (1 Tbsp light Italian dressing), 1 Tbsp hummus and 1 oz of pita chips. I missed breakfast so I overendulged a little at Quizno's getting a small club sub which I normally would never get. (Delicious by the way....) After talking over my goals with my leaders we feel maybe I'll do better with my flex points if I set it up like the old WW program where you used to get a 5 point range each day. So, along those lines I can eat 27-32 points a day. Right now, I still have 3 to go (if I want to use them all) or I can bank them for another day.

I didn't exercise but I shopped for 3 hours. I'm not sure how to go about calculating that as an activity. Is standing and walking around a store considered an activity? How do I even figure out those points?

I'm wearing goggles when I leave the house now.

I actually did it.

I went to the gym. I was just OK with losing two pounds over two weeks. I have mixed feelings about it, you know? Like instead of being happy at some progress I think, "well, I could have peed that out." But then I saw on Amy's facebook page that she lost another 1.something pounds to bring her to three pounds total loss. That got me thinking I really should be happy with two pounds and strive for more. Little losses add up, right? What I need to do is go to the gym and use it as a catalyst for my goal.

I was in my workout clothes and ready to go, or so I thought. All day long I put off the gym by finding something more important to do. (There may be an important Facebook update I can't miss!! lol. j/k) Then 5:30pm came along. Once a month we meet the neighbors that live on either side of our house at a local bar for dinner, drinks and pool and we leave at 5:30. I guess I felt guilty for not going to the gym because when Brian was getting ready to leave I heard myself say, "I'll meet you there, I'm going to the gym." I gotta say, it even shocked the shit out of me. I packed my bag and off I went. I did 10 minutes on this elliptical machine that I'm not sure is even an elliptical and 50 minutes lifting. I was happy I went. I felt good and it really let me burn off some lingering frustrations I've been letting get to me. So good, in fact, if I didn't have some place to be I probably would have done some more cardio after lifting.

There was one problem, however. One small embarrassing problem. I split my pants at some point during the workout. Luckily, I guess, it was along the seam of my upper leg so it wasn't a complete crotch or butt blowout but enough that I had to keep my leg covered with a towel and I had to skip the hip abduction/adduction all together for obvious reasons. I'm just glad I know no one there yet.

We have a Borador?

We may have finally figured out what breed(s) Remi really is. While Remi was playing with his Boxer friend, Austin, this morning Austin's dad told Brian he thought Remi had some Border Collie in him. I did a little research and I might have to agree. The hybrid description matches Remi to a T. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the picture above was Remi.

The only downer to all this? Their hybrid name is Borador. Definitely not a cool as Puggle, Labradoodle, or Labradinger.

What to do? What to do?

I've been going back and forth about attending meetings. I still don't know what to do. Part of me thinks it may be helpful. The other part of me thinks its a waste of $12 each week. Maybe I should ditch the online WW and put that money towards meetings? I don't know. Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated though....

Wanted: BLOGS

Does anyone have any good weight loss blogs they could recommend? Unfortunately, there are plenty of bloggers who I followed religiously no longer post. I could definitely use the help of fellow bloggers. Someday I wish to be like Amy and have real blog friends, too.....

Well, hot damn!

I don't remember why, but I didn't weigh-in last week. But that's okay with me, because this weeks weigh in makes me feel better. I'm at 214---down 2 pounds. I really gotta find that weight ticker thing to add to the blog....

So, I figured it out.

I finally got it. How, over two years, have I gained weight and went off and on WW and haven't really had a lot of progress? Why do I get so frustrated even when I try so hard? Because I have been and still am going at it all wrong. Its not about the food. Well, a little bit is about the food, really its about the activity. I reviewed my blog to see what I've been doing wrong and while typing an email to Laura it finally hit me. I started to gain once I stopped working all the time. I used to work at least two 24 hours shifts a week and two 12 hour shifts, if not more, of overtime. I haven't been eating any differently than I was then. I just was on my feet and doing work all the damn time. Then, add a day or two of some sort of aerobic activity and whammo, there goes some extra calories and pounds at that. Its not the food. Theres a reason why even when I follow WW to a T weight isn't falling off. Its just that I've become a lazy ass.

I guess this probably sounds so obvious. Duh, more activity, less pounds. But I have become SOOOOOOO focused on the WW and food portion of things that the activity part has not really registered.

So, where to go from here? Obviously, I gotta get my butt moving some more. And I don't think I even mean like constant workouts or anything. Maybe its more standing or housework or whatever. Maybe its another job. I don't know but I am happy I finally sat down and really looked at the past two years and how my lifestyle has affected me. Now, the goal is to change it for the better.

I'm not getting down on myself. I'm going to look at the good I've done since Sunday, but I just updated all my points online and I'm still overdoing it. I figure its got to be better than a normal day when I don't journal but really...it makes you sit back and think, "holy hell, when did I become such a fat ass?"

I looked like a straight up junky.

235am. A dark firehouse kitchen in MD. Me....searching every cabinet for a snack like a crackhead in an alley. It really was quite a ridiculous scene this morning, but I was so "hungry" I did what I had to do. Thankfully, I suppose, I found nothing except 6 loaves of bread. I'm not sure why we have so much bread, but it did me no good. I wasn't hungry enough just to eat bread which leads me to believe I wasn't hungry. I couldn't even find a carry out jelly packet to slab on there. My other saving grace from a early morning binge? I forgot my wallet at home. No money, no food. I survived. I hated every minute of it, but I survived.

I had a sit down with my crew. Ok, it really was a 30 second stand up conversation with my shift letting them know I wasn't being rude by not joining them in the kitchen for their eggs, toast, bacon (mmmm.....bacon), and potatoes yesterday morning but it was me trying to stay on track. I expected to get dumb guy responses but what did I get as a reply? "Good for you," and, "good if you can beat temptation with firehouse food," as well as a few others. Wow. Not at all what I was expecting. I was pleasantly surprised. I swear to God the devil tried pulling me by the ears into that kitchen making me a plate himself, but I kept my butt planted in my office at the computer. I'm not going to lie. Later in the afternoon I did steal a piece of the bacon and put it on my turkey wrap and my was it delicious. But, had I plopped down at the table for breakfast anything I worked for over the past two or three days would have been undone in a matter of minutes.

That is what is so frustrating to me about WW or weight loss in general. It so hard to work at it and if you give yourself even a little slack its all over. Maybe not for everyone, but for me. I've had plans to go to this wine place tonight for weeks. I swear I've been stressed about it for three days with the fear I'm going to overdo it. My plan is not to and I'm working on eating what I have to at home so I don't give in to junk, but I still have that nervous little flutter in my belly about it. Well, its either that or I've got butterflies because I'm going out with Kim tonight. I'll go with the stressed part. Ha.

Progress?

Maybe. Self-control? Definitely.

This afternoon I received some information that pissed me off to the top level of pissitivy. (New word, use it in a sentence at least once tomorrow....) I mean so pissed off I had tears in my eyes and was looking to break something. I met Brian at work to vent about it (NO, Brian is not involved in it) and on my way home I wanted to stop at every fast food place I could. But I didn't. I didn't!! I made a deal with myself. I told myself I would wait to get to Weis near my house and I'd run in and get some dog food for Remi. If they had a slice of pizza made, I would get one slice. I left the store with one slice. ONE slice. And the world didn't end! Imagine that....

Mean ol' witch

I was one of those mean neighbors last night who left their porch light off. No candy for you! Really, no candy for me! If I didn't buy it there was no way for there to be leftovers. The kids weren't here to trick or treat so there could be no possible way for me to nibble on candy if there was none in the house. (Although I did see a whoopie cushion walking down the street and wanted to get my picture taken with it....)

What did I do for the evening? Of course, I had the lights turned off so I hung out in the basement with the cats and did about 45 minutes of Wii Fit plus. I sweat my ass off. My shirt honestly was soaked through. Wii said I only burned 50-some calories, but I call bullshit on that. It doesn't matter...I had a blast. I played tennis and bowled, did ten minutes of step (the more advanced one), tried baseball but didn't like it, then did ten minutes of the free step which I loved. The goal was to complete 800 steps in ten minutes, but I went a little faster and did 997. Brian was working so after I showered I went to the neighbors Halloween party. Any calories I burned were replenished there with some drinks, but the way I see it, I consumed less calories than if I didn't work out at all.

I'm glad I worked out yesterday and I'm doing well today. I put some thought into my lunch this afternoon which I normally don't do. Normally I find whatever is the fastest thing to make because I'm "starving." I scarf it down when I realize that wasn't what I wanted to eat. I snoop (and taste) around for the next ten minutes til I find what I want, make and eat it, only to be so stuffed and uncomfortable ten minutes after that, I'm ready to explode. And, needless to say, I'm upset with myself. Trying to break that trend, I thought before I ate and made a chicken parm sandwich. It was super easy to make with breaded Perdue baked chicken cutlets. That, a little sauce and mozzarella from the fridge, a roll....delicious, filling, and has left me with with no desire to search for something else better to eat.

I've got chicken thawing and I'm on a search for some new WW recipes to try. I find it is so hard to find good recipes. I'll google it, but never seem to come up with any good websites. Oh well. I'll come up with something.

I was reminded at work yesterday our cruise is only 2 1/2 months away. It will be so much fun, but I should really be try to work on some good habits before I get there. If I think Brian is peer pressure on a cruise, wait til I get with 40-50 people!

New cars

Brian and both got new cars today.

Instead of having three cars between the two of us and car payments going towards cars with over 105K miles on them, we decided to consolidate: sell or trade in my Honda as well as his Pontiac, and purchase a new car. Brian recently got a part time job as a fire investigator so his Pontiac wasn't exactly practical to carry around his tools and what have you for the position. So, he decided the Pathfinder would be perfect for him. We weren't planning on buying a car today, just because we didn't know exactly what vehicle we wanted. We went to Carmax to sell my Honda and ended up coming home with a 2007 Mazda CX7 Grand Touring. We love it. Its AWD which we wanted for the snow we'll be getting at the new place. Its super comfy inside---leather heated seats and plenty of room for my purposes. The mileage is better than the Pathfinder. With Brian's new job, he'll be getting paid for his mileage so that will help with fuel costs. Plus we like the way it looks. Its used, obviously. I don't see the point in buying a new car. It only has a little over 16K miles on it, so it should last quite a while. Most importantly its going to save us money. I know overall we'll be paying money because we have a car note, but between what I was paying and what he was paying this car note will be $200-300 a month less. Plus, since there is a warranty on it, we won't have to dump money into it like we already were with the Honda and Pontiac. All we have to do now is sell the Pontiac which should happen next week and we're all set.

Here is a site that will show you what the car looks like and its review/specs. The car is Chrystal Pearl White.

Brian's on board too

Well, Brian's on board with this lose weight thing. He received new long sleeve uniform shirts for work the other day and said they were a little snug. Instead of spending more $$ buying new stuff, he said he'll try losing a few pounds. I hope that helps. I mean I hope his shirt will be more comfortable but I also hope it helps me be good instead of giving in to temptation.

Tiny problem

I'm a bit stressed and frustrated and would love to do a happy hour with Brian. Problem? Day two of WW journaling. Sucks utilizing those flex points so early in the week, if needed.

BTW, anyone know the points value of egg and cheese bagel from McDonald's? I can't find it on WW's or McDonald's site.

This is why I QUIT WW everytime....

I'm having a super duper want to eat everything in the kitchen moment and I'm trying to type my way through it. This is horrible. This is my first day actually trying on WW because I lied nothing really panned out last week with it. I ate shit for the last 2 days and the trainer guy from work finds me everyday and wants to know how things are going. Ummmm, how do I say "exactly the same as yesterday" in a more positive "look I'm doing stuff but I'm really lying I'm still eating crap" way? What? Pizza. I love pizza you know. It is past lunch time and thats my problem, I think I waited too long. Now I've near ravenous.

My little Curly-Q

Laura's baby Onyella. I wish we were closer so I could see her in person!! The hair is way too cute.....definitely looks like her daddy.

No wonder I haven't been losing....

logged in my food for today so far. I have 0.5 left for today. Supper should be delicious!! :) lmao.

I'm being a copycat.

Amy joined WW at work today. I'm very proud of her, although I didn't know she had anything to lose!! Its hard to make that first step. Trust me, I've made that first step so many times I don't think I can call it first step anymore. Its hard to swallow that you need a little help with things sometimes.

I think I posted about utilizing the wellness/fitness guy from work to help me with working out. It worked for week 1. Week 2 was horrible. I did nothing. Part of it was my laziness. The other part was my schedule. I worked an extra shift then after a few of a my regular shifts I didn't go straight home like normal. I never realized just how much that would affect my life. Its been horrible. Week 3: well, lets say half and half. I've put more into it than before, but I still could have tried harder. I got a lot more workouts in (we have Wii Fit Plus now and I'm a super hula-hooper), but my food choices haven't been good. Its like I get one side of things figured out and the other just slacks. Bill told me to eat 400 calorie meals 4 times a day. Yeah, so I learned I haven't mastered how much food is 400 calories. I lost a little bit, but nothing much.

Between Missy losing and doing awesome at her triathlon and Amy's joining WW I've decided to try it again. I'm not signing up for the meetings. I've learned from multiple attempts before that once I miss one weekly meeting, I miss two and the trend continues. With my job I WILL miss one or two meetings a month. I'm not even putting myself into the position of missing. But I'm going to try to online only version. My weigh ins are on Monday. For years, it was about the way I looked. Now, its about my health. I got the official speech from the doctor last week. "You might be pre-diabetic." Then he said, "you're obese." Actually the phrase he used was, "you're not bad in the face/neck, but you're middle is obese and your bottom.....well, you know." What? I know? I wish I had some witty comment back, but I had nothing.

So PROUD!!!!

It hasn't been easy, but look at the progress my girl Missy has made. I'm sooooo proud of her. I'm even more proud of her because today she completed her first triathlon. You rock girl!!

A year ago.....

I just looked back at my blog from a year ago. I was complaining about my weight being 178 pounds. Never would have thought a year later I'd be 30 pounds heavier. I can't believe I complained about that!!

I might need a prostate exam.

Ohhh, was I tired yesterday and most of today.

Tired + Me= eating unnecisary junk

I swear, when I'm tired....like really, been awake for 24 hours or more tired, I eat. I'm not the least bit hungry. I feel like crap afterward (is it afterward or afterwards? I never can remember....) with a belly ache, pants too tight, bloated like a kid from Ethiopa. The sad part is most of the time I don't even know I'm doing it. Yesterday it was a blueberry muffin, a glazed donut and strawberry milk. That was supposed to be my "pick at" snack all shift and the donut was for today. It worked out to be the "meal" I ate while talking to my Major at the dinner table. It wasn't till I was cleaning up my spot that I realized I just downed a 3" sub, some chips, a donut and a muffin with my milk. I'm not going to dwell on it because tomorrow is another day. I'd like to say today was another day but I skipped breakfast for a staff meeting at 8am and ended up sitting next to Brian and his shift partners at Chipotle with a delicious fajita burrito in my hands at lunch time. I'm moving on but its frustrating having that issue. Why can't I just be tired and crave water or something?

By the way, drinking water sucks. I very much increased my water intake and now I feel like an old man with a prostate problem when I go to sleep. I'd actually consider a catheter for bedtime.

I've been doing these pre-movement stretches Bill (the guy from work helping me) told me to do. I feel like an absolute fool doing them because I'm so awkward, but they do feel so good while I'm doing them. I walked around the circle out front of the house for 30 minutes the night before last. I gotta say, that was a good workout. Its about 1/4 mile around and there's a pretty good hill in the middle of the circle so it changes things up a little bit. I really need to work on a little more intense workout. Tomorrow I'll look into something more. I love that sore feeling the next day. I love the uniform pants that allow breathing even more!

Top 10

1. I gave myself one week of eating better. It turned into two. Tomorrow will be the beginning of week three.

2. After my one week of eating better I decided it was time to get help. I'm using our FREE trainer/wellness guy from work to help me get in shape and healthy.

3. I'm so excited because I poop everyday now.

4. I grab water before Diet Pepsi's now.

5. I eat vegetables and try new things.

6. I'm wearing jeans today. I can breath, even with them zipped up.

7. I've lost over 9 pounds so far.

8. I'm scared I'll go on a binge, but I think that fear may keep me from doing it.

9. My uniform last night was comfortable.

10. I'm not going to say it out loud, but this time its going to work.

5 year old boobie question

Tonight I watched our friends kids. They weren't here more than 5 minutes when Samantha (5 or 6) asked, "why do mommies have boobies?" I explained they need them to feed their babies. She then asked, "why do ladies with no kids have boobies?" How do you explain to a kid that they are needed to help find a man to later have babies?

j/k

Game on.

Less than a year til my 30th birthday and this year is going to be a good one. I'm going to get my shit straight and stop making excuses. I want to be better in my 30s than I was in my 20s. It all starts tomorrow. Meal plans, workouts, organization...everything. As for now, I have to rest up for the big job.

Totally Random

Can someone explain to me a guy's thinking? Being a female at work, I'm very much the minority when it comes to guys. But I have to ask one thing: what is it about, pardon my words, the slutty girls that the guys are always interested in? You know...the way too tight shirt wearing, boob showing, kissy faced looking girls that you can see from a million miles away are no good. Half the time they aren't even cute and who knows if they have a personality. What kills me even more is knowing the guys interested have awesome girlfriends or wives and maybe even kids who are probably at home thinking their perfect boy is at work missing them. I just want to take a 2x4 and smack these guys across the face. Do they have no idea what is at risk? Ugh. Boys.

I'm on vacation! Finally. It feels like its been years since my break in July. But maybe July wasn't really a good break since we ended up in PA for my grandfathers bypass surgery. I'm off til the 27th and I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. At first we were going to PA, but that got squashed. I love my family and all but I spent last vacation up there. I want to do something different this time. We were planning on going to NYC for a few days but its damn near impossible to find a decent price on a hotel room. Savannah, Charleston, everywhere.....$, $, $.

Brian's got something up his sleeve now. He said its something we won't go broke over and I will really love it. I already love him because he got me a BJ's birthday cake! Its a few days early, but now I can indulge in it all weekend long. His mom stopped by and dropped off a few gifts for me. I loved every single one of them. Funny how your taste in gifts changes over a decade. When I was 18 I got tickets to an Allman Bros Band concert (which I'd still accept) and a set of shot glasses and Smirnoff vodka. Now, I'm excited about a Takeout Menu Organizer, a tomato keeper, and a spice rack. Can't wait to see what ten years will bring me.....

I think the best birthday gift of all will be my "niece," Onyella. She is the daughter of my best friend Laura and she's expected to meet the world on September 21st. I wouldn't be mad at all if she decided to come out a few days early-----say, the 19th. I can share a day with her. I can't wait to spoil her the way a fake aunt does. I wish so much I could spend more time with Laura and soon to be Onyella. Maybe this will make me stop complaining about the drive and head north more often than I do. What's four hours anyway? Hell, I've sat in traffic longer than that on my way to work! Laura and I have gone through thick and thin since we were 13. I can't wait to have the priveledge of meeting her daughter. That and I'll finally have someone to buy all those cutsie outfits I see in the stores!!

Holy salt!

I started using SparkPeople.com to track what I eat. Its free, is similiar to WW Etools, but has better breakdowns of your daily food consumption. I like that its based off calories and not point. Saying you only have 6 points left for a day sounds so much more negative than hearing you have 350 calories left for the day.

As I was saying, I love their breakdowns. I get a few pie charts showing the calories broken down by the foods I ate. Then, it breaks down further into fat, calories, cholesterol, sodium, protein, sugars....basically whatever it is you want to monitor. I've been doing good on the calories and fat portions but not so much on the sodium. Like today...my range is between 500-2300. My consumption? 5440. No wonder I've always got edema in my legs and feel bloated like a deer on the side of the road. I'm not sure how to go about lowering my sodium, but I think I should try something.

Overall, I'm a big fan of the website. I actually look forward to journaling my foods. It has turned into a game for me....how much food can I eat and stay within my calorie range? Like I said, similiar to WW, but the bigger numbers make me more comfortable

I can't believe I'm posting this publicly,

but Christy was right. I needed a change. My symbolic treadmill was getting tired of spinning round and round, as was I. There's lots of things I can't change in my life, but on the other hand there is plenty of stuff out there I can do something about.

I've had lots of heart to hearts with people lately and realized I was blind to all the support that has been in front of my face the whole time. With the help of a few couple good friends, I'm ready to make a lifestyle change. Its no longer about the weight. Its about being healthy. Its about being more social even if its uncomfortable. Its about letting someone else help you even if its you who is usually handing out assistance.

I'm grateful to those people who gave me a reality check. I'm grateful to Brian for being supportive in his own little way, even if its not how I "wish" it would be. I needed a kick in the butt and I'm hoping this, as it was so nicely put to me, is my "ah, fuck it," moment. Its time to speak up for me and work on these projects to better me and my family.

There might even be a dog in the future....I need a walking buddy!

I feel....

like I'm running on a treadmill and not getting anywhere.

3 blind mice

So. Its hot and humid; a typical DC summer day. Everyone's nasty and quite honestly smells a little. We have the privilege of wearing navy blue polyester uniforms. My concern of the day is to not have those lovely polyester pants catch fire and melt to me from the friction of my thighs rubbing together.

Sixteen hours into the shift we're called to a house for a possible suicide. The police clear the scene (thank you Rick) and we go in. I have never smelled the smell I smelt. (Say that 3 times fast.) It was a combination of cat pee, probably some human pee, general funk, and some sort of food being cooked. Goat perhaps. As I enter I notice the floors are carpeted and stained. Good, good, found the source of the smell. Then I hear the scream. I move a little closer, peek over the couch and see this guy flopping purposefully like a fish on the floor speaking in some language I don't speak. Sometimes he throws in a, "I'm going to kill myself," line hence the call for the suicide. He starts kicking the engine crew and then spits on one of them. Yeah. NOT cool. Everyone kept their cool. No one spit back. I had my partner check his sugar and it was 43. (Too low.) After some sugar paste my man's back to normal. So, like we usually do after someones sugar is corrected after being low we stand there and stare at them for ten minutes while they eat something substantial This guy was no different. It usually ends up being anywhere from two to ten people in an awkward room not really saying much. While I was trying to iron out the plan of if the guy was going or not to the hospital I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. I played it off. I have new glasses and sometimes I think I see things on the sides, but its really just the frames or something. I took a step back, looked at the ground and there it went again, along the side of my sneaker. I turned to the Captain of the engine and asked, "Was that just a....," as he was shaking his head yes. "Are you f*&(&*) kidding me?" was my next question. Captain got a big grin on his face and says a blunt, "no." At that point, I could care less about the patient and if he wants to go to the ER. (He was in the process of eating cereal, he could care less.) I started looking everywhere, trying to find a chair to stand on or a table or anything would have done. You see, everyone else was wearing pants, I had shorts on. So I was freaking out even more because I've already thought through the mouse was going to come back and crawl up my leg or something. (I had a great imagination as a kid.) There was this nasty twin bed on the floor kind of propped up against the TV stand. That's where mouse #2 ran came hauling ass out. "I gotta get out of here," I told the Capt. He laughed and told me to go he'd get the guy outside. 'Crap,' I thought as I was leaving. Everyone put their bags on the floor. You can never put equipment bags on the floor. The roaches that were making the walls and rug move in the house love to find new homes. Now, I'm freaking out even more. I mean serious on the very of an anxiety attack freak out. But, I'm trying to be professional because, well, I get paid to do so. I grit my teeth went in the hall way and cooled off. Oh, did I mention there was no AC in the stinky funky apartment? Nothing like stench and humidity. I'm standing there on the landing and watched the roaches crawl out of the apartment across the hall, walk straight and enter the apartment where our patient was.

If you haven't figured out yet, I don't do bugs. No way, no how, nothing. Ask Brian, I'm a freak about roaches. If I ever found one in this house we'd probably move. I'm itchy thinking about it. Do you know they are the only things that would survive a nuclear bomb?! Nasty!

I felt guilty leaving the Captain in there so I returned. He asked why I was there and I told him I felt bad leaving him in there by himself. He looked down at the floor and mouse #3 sauntered by. I look at the Capt and said, "I'll be outside." In the meantime my man on the cot starts screaming he wants to kill himself. His sugar was dropping again. I started with the oral sugar paste, because no way in hell was I going to try to restrain a floppy man with roaches in his pockets. For all I know he brought a mouse friend in his bag.

Those mice look so cute in the cartoons and kids movies but real life...not so cute! Oh, and so what does Bastard cat decide to do today? Get off his lazy ass and start playing with mice toys. While I was napping, he brought one of his toys up on the bed. Real funny, Bastard, real funny.

I earned APs. Or did I?

I had a much needed vent session/motivation speaker session the other night with a good friend of mine. I had a good cry (by myself), went to sleep and woke up a different person. I decided I was going to try to move as much as I can. If I'm going to sit and play on the computer or take a nap, I am making myself start another project to see if I'm really tired and need the nap or if I'm just bored.

I was super motivated at work yesterday. (Or, Midol has some sort of crack in it and I should take it every 6 hours.) I got there early, started checking my equipment, washed the ambulance, swept the bay floors, vacuumed, did paperwork and got 25 minutes of elliptical time in before we started running calls. Awesome, right? Sarah's moving around and that's what she needs if she's going to lose--movement. (Don't ask why I'm talking in 3rd person. Well, I guess its because I'm having this conversation with myself right now.) I wasn't tired when I normally nap. I got up at 430am to go to work and didn't end up going to sleep til 430am this morning. Talk about a long day.

After a few hours of sleep at work, I was ready for home. On the way, I can say I was honestly looking forward to journaling. I knew I was probably over in points because I had snacks when I was tired around 230am. (I'm choosing better---90 cal granola bars instead of Dunkin Donuts....you know....theres nothing like the smell of DD at 230am.) Moreso, I wanted to add up my APs for the day. I bust my ass all day....I wanted those APs I earned.

Then I got home. I journaled, leaving the APs for last because its was going to be awesome. Kinda like saving the icing on the cake. Talk about a bubble being popped. 3 points. THREE points?! That wasn't quite the number that was floating around my head. Reviewing the activity breakdown of the day really showed me what I did all day. I really didn't do as much as I thought. I'm not really disappointed though. I ate less. I ate better. I gained APs. I realized just how much of a load I am otherwise and all the opportunities in every day life I have to burn a little extra.

Whats tomorrow's plan? Shhhh..don't tell Brian. I might try the gym. He thinks its bonding. I think he's invading my space. I get so "into" my workouts I don't want anyone talking to me or blowing kisses or "can't wait to see you laters." I just want to concentrate on working out, shower, a little me time in the car singing songs and then we can bond. Its kinda like waking up in the morning. I have my routine. He has his. I'm not a morning person, unlike Bri. He gets mad when I smack his hand for changing the channels on the way into work. Thats what he gets for breaking my routine. I love him with all my heart, but really....this time around its Sarah time and Brian time seperately. Learn to embrace it. Lord knows I do. Tangents.........

RIP Sam

While everyone is grieving over possible child molester Jackson, I'll sit in my little corner of the world and shed a tear for this little girl. Maybe it's part of the Dr. Doolittle genes I've acquired from my mom.

Fire Survivor 'Sam' the Koala Dies in Surgery - Australia | New Zealand | Indonesia | Map - FOXNews.com

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Creepy Crawlers

Thats what I feel is whats on my skin. First it was poison ivy and now we're pretty sure I'm allergic to laundry detergent. I've got a few facebook responses from people suggesting all natural detergents. I'm hesitant to try, for no real reason I guess. Part of it is the cost. I don't want to dump a lot of money into something if its not going to work. At the same time, I'd like to stop itching and maybe even be nice to Mother Earth for a change.

Brian started using Green Works cleaning sprays and is convinced its the best bathroom cleaner out there. Thats something still bought at the grocery store. I'm having a hard time buying online....

Anyone have suggestions?

Week 3

I really have nothing to report because I didn't going to my meeting. Instead I was at work actually doing the tasks of my new position. Gotta say....it was awesome. I still have a lot of things to learn and have to work out a routine so everything gets done in a timely manner. But as far as being a supervisor, well, lets just say I can't believe I stressed out so much about it. Everything kind of seemed to fall into place. The only major issue I ran into was finding my way around that area of the county. While I was at work I called Brian and told him to find my credit card and order a GPS for me. They have TomToms in the cars, but unless you know the city and I think the mayors name, it can't find the address. It was frustrating. Regardless, I enjoyed it and look forward to doing it again. Whenever that will be. Staffing still sucks so we're squashing OT left and right meaning we're not doing our actual supervisory jobs. Ugh, whatever. As long as I keep getting a check every two weeks I can deal.

Back to my meeting. I didn't go. I did, however, weigh myself in the bathroom and according to my scale I lost .8 pounds. Not a huge loss, but its better than a gain. So far yesterday and today I've been really good about not overdoing it. Honestly, as soon as I'm done posting I'm going to do a DVD workout which I haven't done in MONTHS!! I have to start introducing some exercise in here. I said I was going to go to the gym, but I never made it. Seriously, I ran out of time as I had to head north again for Laura's shower.

Maybe you shouldn't snoop

While I was reading some Post Secrets I came across this one and thought it was awesome:

My husband installed a medicine cabinet with a false top in our bathroom. Every time we have someone over to our house for the first time, we remove everything that's in the cabinet and fill it with ping pong balls. We know which of our friends are secret snoops when we hear all the ping pongs balls crashing all over!

For the first time.....

I did NOT go over my points today. It was definitely not easy, but I did it, and now I feel pretty good that I accomplished something. Who knew I could be completely satisfied tonight with a head of butter lettuce, some light thousand island dressing and a lean cuisine pizza. It was wonderful.

I better have a few more days like that. Today I ran a car accident where I had to get in the vehicle while they were still cutting the guy out. Yeah, well, I couldn't get my firegirl costume to fully close. And I pray no one was videotaping the wiggling I had to do to get the pants up over my behind. Ugh.

Needless to say, I'm joining the gym tomorrow. The girl I worked with today (and will on Monday) made a deal with me. If we both go to the gym at least 2 times over the weekend we can share either the warm toffee cake or the ice cream bowl made of chocolate chip cookies (yes, I did say a chocolate chip cookie BOWL)the local restaurant offers down the street. Oh, and she wants to do PT too. I thought she would be a bad influence on me. Ok, maybe the chocolate chip bowl isn't the best of motivators, but it just might work!!

Went to my meeting.

Up 3.6 pounds. Now 206, but I've had a good day today and spent WAY too much money at Safeway stocking up on good stuff to eat.

Gym

Brian joined a gym today. He wants me to go with him at 5:30p, but I'm not ready. Not like I don't want to go eventually, but I'm not ready to just jump on it this second. I still need to visit the place myself on my own terms. I have to really think about the benefits to the gym. I know the exercise benefits, but will I go if the ride is 20 minutes away? Will I be wasting my money? I'm so out of shape right now, I'm going to start with some walking DVD's at home (if I can find them). I am looking forward to working out with some weights, but I just have to find the best place for me. It just might not be the same place as Brian. I have a day to myself tomorrow. I think that will be my perusing day. Today I'm trying to organize this place. There's piles of mail everywhere and I'm finding all kinds of bills that need paid. So, as I watch my bank accounts dwindle away, I'm also cleaning up. At least I'm making some progress.

After a week of bad WW journaling (ok, no journaling) I'm back on track. I'm having a hard time with the early AM eating and the night time eating. I have too much in the morning and I end up with no points left at the end of the day. Today I think I spread it out pretty well. I don't want to go to my meeting tonight because I know I gained since my first weigh in, but I probably could use it.

Yeah for Pop!!

Pop's home already!! Sounds like he's doing well. Latest email from my dad:

Dad was discharged today around 2 pm. He is home resting comfortably, but chomping at the bit to get moving. Prior to discharge a dietician came in and spent time with him. The bigger issue we will have is sticking to a diet, not so much for the heart, but sugar. They were more concerned about that. Much of what she cover I was familiar with so for the time being, he has to chart all his meals and do sugar readings 4x a day to see where he really is. In our discussion he was honest about testing, his junk food, donuts, etc. Much of what was covered Linda can reinforce or explain. I really don’t think there has to be a radical life style change. Same for the cardiac stuff, no salt, watch the red meat, etc., exercise, etc. He's ok to walk ¼ mile 2x a day – so over Hudson Street if ok…. Other than that, he has a follow up I think on August 10 with the surgeon and has to get a chest x-ray before the visit there.

I missed it…. I went for the car, but the nurse came in and were hugging him and were crying and BILL CRIED! A Polaroid moment and I missed it. I will continue to monitor his progress. I even made a deal with him that I would follow his diet as a buddy…. and it will do me good too.
Thanks for all your concern and help through this. I am glad it turned out well.

Pop

Less than four days after his surgery, Pop will be coming home tomorrow. Below is the latest update from my dad.

Looks like Dad will be coming home tomorrow. He is totaled “disconnected” ( wires and other contraptions) and without O2. He is free to walk as much as he wants and has been “running” laps around the 8th floor, commenting on others who has surgery before him or those ½ his age that are shuffling about. The DR told him he should be good to go Monday around noon. He really looks good, has great color, something that was missing for a long time. Biggest concern will be slowing him down.

Vacation

I'm not going to kid you and say this vacation has been the one everyone dreams about taking, but it was nice nonetheless.

Of course, our main goal for heading north was my grandfathers surgery. Bella and Brandon asked to go with us. At first I was hesitant, because what would we do if Pop died during surgery? They were so excited at the thought of possibly going to my parents, we decided to bring them along.

Wednesday we left around lunch and got to my parents house in time for supper. This doesn't sound nice, but everyone called that meal, "The Last Supper." Before you think we're morbid people, Pop came up with it. My mom has been making supper for my grandparents every night since he came home from his catherization. My dad's side of the family came to my parents and we dined on an awesome roast beef meal my mom made. She made it in the crock-pot which now makes me want to pull mine back out and start using it more.

Thursday, Pop headed to the hospital super early in the morning. We waited to leave the house til we had some word on Pop's condition. Once we heard he came out of his surgery wonderfully (3 blockages repaired) we headed out. My sister went with Brian, I, and the kids for lunch and then Claws N Paws, a local animal park. It really was a lot of fun. It was the perfect size, the perfect price and they had some really cool animals. Bella and Brandon loved feeding the goats, my sister was a fan of any cat type animal, the llama enjoyed whispering in my ear, and we all enjoyed the monkeys playing together and swinging around. We were supposed to go to a local parade/carnival, but it was raining and we all were a little worn out so we spent the night at my parents. I, however, ended up at the local ER for my poison ivy or whatever it is. It seemed like all of a sudden it worsened. Talk about different than what I'm used to, this place only had 8 rooms, 6 occupied by non-serious patients, and it still took 2 1/2 hours for me to be seen. I left there after midnight with a couple of prescriptions and a steroid shot in the ass.

Friday, we packaged everyone up and again went out for lunch. My mom and her friend had a stand at an arts and crafts show at a park 2 blocks from Pop's hospital. We were nice and fed mom and her friend, and that's where Miss Bella became famous. Right next to mom's spot was a face painter. Bella was getting her face painted when a newspaper photographer came over and started snapping away. He got her information from Brian and the next day we got an early phonecall from my Nana saying Bella was in the newspaper. She was excited, to say the least. She even went as far as to say she'd autograph newspapers. Ladyfest brings fun and resources for local women - News - The Times-Tribune

After leaving the festival, we went to the hospital to visit Pop. He looked great. I swear it was the first time in probably three years that he had good color in his cheeks. He said he felt great. I'm glad everything went well. By 5pm Friday, we were done. Nana and my uncle stopped by for a while and then it was bedtime for everyone.

Saturday we were trying to surprise the kids by stopping at an amusement park on the way back to MD. Of course, we sat in traffic for an hour so that plan got squashed. Luckily the kids didn't know about it, so there was no whining or anything. And they seemed just as excited about going to Cracker Barrel for lunch. The ride home was long, but I think all of us were happy to be back in town.

How did we spend the rest of our vacation night? Like anyone would. In Wal-Mart. We went there to get my Prednisone filled, which I had to wait 40 minutes for. A monstrous storm passed through so we weren't heading back outside. We stopped in the eye department just to be stupid and look at glasses and somehow we ended up each getting an eye exam. Gotta love Wal-Mart.

Today, we're being lazy bums. I'm still wondering when I'll stop this damn itching. But for now, I'll be grateful that I'm in my house and not in some firehouse like I should be if I wasn't on vacation.

This was my first "family" trip where the focus was 'what can we do with the kids?' and not Brian and I going out on a whim. I was a little upset that I didn't get to see my friends Laura and Karen while I was there, but its hard scheduling when there are kids involved. Brian said it best....it was a good family vacation because we never never got to relax. As long as the kids had a good time thats all that matters.

Good news

Surgery went better and was shorter than expected. Pop was back to normal and will be going home tomorrow barring any issues arising overnight. Sounds like he's going to go on with his previously schedule open heart surgery on Thursday, so Brian and I will go up then. The doctor said he'll be back to normal within 3 months post-op.

Groundhog year?

A year ago it was my Grampy. Now its my Pop.

My grandfather has been feeling run down lately so he went for a bunch of testing and the doctor felt he'd benefit from a heart catherization. That procedure was done this AM where five blockages were found. The plan was to bring him back next Thursday for bypass surgery, but during his cath recovery, he ended up with no pulses in one leg, so he's going back into surgery at some point today to fix that problem. Now they want to move up his heart surgery so it can all be done in one hospital stay.

I'll be headed north to visit tonight. Brian may or may not be coming with since he's at work right now. I'm confident Pop will be okay, but its this type of visit that always makes me a little nervous. You never know what could happen. I don't want my last memory of a family member to be as it was with Grampy. I don't want to see someone in a hospital bed, not themselves, again.

I found my soap box

If you have a kid, put them in a car seat or a booster seat while in the car. In my mind its child abuse and negligence. I don't know if laws agree with me, but after seeing the outcome of a child who was sitting on mom's lap during an accident, it should be. Kids heads and dashboards don't mesh well together. Either does a brain if the skull is broken.

Something to complain about

Its hard to be good at work. 24 hours of being stressed and tired and all I want is a snack. I thought I was doing good yesterday by getting an eggbeater omelet with low fat cheddar and onions. That was until I got back to the firehouse and there were potatoes and a biscuit snuck in the container as well. Ugh. Yeah, I ate them, even though I shoulda tossed them when I found them. For lunch I got tuna from Subway....on purpose. Its higher in points but it usually keeps me full longer. But 8 or 9pm rolled around and we needed something quick so we ended up at a pizza place where I had two slices before going on another call. I was good after that though. No snacking. I guess I'm proud of myself for not giving into snacking and for putting some thought, albeit probably not good, into what I was going to eat. And, I only had two slices of pizza even though I'm capable (and usually endulge in) more than two. Today I sort of combined my breakfast and lunch knowing I would sleep through lunch. Supper....its supposed to be at home, which is fine, but Bella wants to go to a carnival tonight. I'm sure there will be no temptation there, especially when there is an article in the local paper all about how good the fries are there. Yeah, right. I guess if WW was easy no one would have anything to complain about to their friends.

I love accents

I went to a WW meeting last night. I'm very happy with it. The leader is from Argentina and has the cutest accent. From my little time with her, I can tell she takes people's weight loss adventure seriously. She sends out newsletters and supposedly has a blog which I haven't found yet. At my weigh in she told me she'd get me to goal. I hope so.

I have a little bit of frustration, and I'm sure some of it is my fault. I feel like no one takes my mission seriously. And its probably because I started and stopped a million times over the past two years. But little jokes about it really get to me. I don't need someone to be all "there, there, Sarah" on me but my meetings and times on the computer at this point is just about as important as it is for an alcoholic to go to meetings every day. I have enough power to make my own decisions, but, using the AA meetings again, it wouldn't make much sense to joke about their attempts to stay clean. My addiction and my comfort is food.

I'm going to get to lifetime. I'm going to meetings to see my new Argentinian friend and use her emails, newsletters, blog, and support to get me there.

Housework

This place has given me a whole new definition of housework. What I would give right now to a canister of Endust, a rag, and a broom and make that my day of housework.

I'd say we unpacked about 90% of our boxes. That's definitely cleared up some space, but trying to find homes for everything inside the boxes is more of a challenge. It's coming along though. The girls room is pretty much all done. Brandon's room got new carpeting two days ago and his loft bed has been put together. Taylor hasn't been here yet, but the other two absolutely love their rooms. Brandon's still needs some paint on the walls and decorating to complete his military themed room, but at least he's not sleeping on a matress on a linoleum floor anymore. Our furniture came which made a world of difference in our bedroom. We love it. Plus the bed has lights under the frame which I thought was stupid at first, but works as a great non-overpowering night light when one of us goes to bed long before the other. A few pictures need to be hung, but that's about it. The bathrooms need painting and decorating but there's no rush on that. Lord knows, after Shelley cleaned them for us, they've got to be the cleanest bathrooms in our block. I've never known anyone to spend so many hours cleaning such a little space! Jokes aside, we're very appreciative she did that for us. I'm sure being a mom, she's happy to know our butts are on clean toilets.

We're having our kitchen cabinets refaced. Right now they are painted two different colors of paint. The problem was the floor, cabinets, countertops and backsplash all were the same color. We considered repainting, but decided we wanted something more permanent and with less maintenance. So, Sears will be updating our kitchen. Its a little pricier than I hoped, but its something we knew from the first day we saw the house we'd be looking into.

Brian conveniently contracted poison ivy again, so I've been left with the task of pulling out all the weeds, trees, bushes, and vines out of the back yard. Not the easiest task being its on the side of a steep hill. From above it looks like it will take no time at all to pull everything out. Kinda like our thinking of packing the house --- should only take a few hours....ha. Anyway, I worked on it yesterday and for another hour today. Although progress has definitely been made, now I sit back and know I've got at least 2-4 more hours of just pulling stuff out. Ugh.

We met our neighbor, living under our deck.....Meow Meow. He was curled up in a bush when I was cleaning out the brush meowing his head off. The neighbors said he hangs out under our deck. Bri and I fed him and of course, now we're his new best friends.

We spent the evening with our neighbors. I think we'll be just fine with them. We definitely had a good time.

One wk down, many more to go.

Down 1.2 lb!! I can't complain about that. I feel good about it. Little achievements like that snap me back to reality reminding me if I try, the loss will come. The scale says I only lost 1.2, but I "feel" differently. I gotta say, with the move and all, my APs have increased 100%. I wasn't charting them, but I know I was earning them with all the up and down the stairs, box carries, and furniture moves. I feel more toned and less flabby. And the boobs....yeah they're staying in the bra like they're supposed to, not overflowing.

This week I'm going to try to cut back even more, if I can. Like today, Brian and I had steak & cheese subs. Instead of eating 12" of roll, I consolidated and put all the meat on a 6" roll. The sub was definitely more enjoyable since it felt overstuffed. I've been leaving fries behind left and right. I have more doggy bags in my fridge than ever before in my life.

So, to end, I'm not going to say I hope it continues. I'm going to finish with its going to continue and I'll let you know next Wednesday what my loss is for the week.

I'm trying....

Really I am. This is hard. And it sucks. Ok, so I'm not going to lie and say I've jumped back into WW with two feet. I think just the toes on my right foot have made it in so far. I'm not complaining though. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I'm making progress or maybe better decisions. Today I had my new favorite frozen breakfast---Jimmy Dean's D-light breakfast bowl with turkey sausage. Its a good portion, tastes good, and is 5 points. My partner and I never made it back to the firehouse so I could eat the lunch I brought so we ended up at Panera. I didn't make the best choice in sandwiches, but the one I chose I only ate 3/4 of it instead of all of it plus dessert. Speaking of desert, no dessert was had. I walked outta there with just my glass of tea.

I eat when I'm tired. I'm tired. I was tired when I was driving home from work. Before I made the drive north, I visited Brian who told me to eat at home, not out. Rarely do I listen to him, but I did. The cats and I had our own little 4th of July cookout. I splurged and had 2 hotdogs--probably should have skipped at least one roll--and chips. Since its a pretty big holiday I had a 1/2 c of chocolate moose tracks ice cream. (Like how I justified it with being the holiday??) I'm plenty of points overboard, but its MUCH better than it could have, or usually is. Tomorrow's another day and I'm going to try to do one more "better decision" than I did today.

Until then, no fireworks for me. I'm a sleepy girl and its going to be an early night. Happy 4th to all! Be safe.

Not fun anymore?

Why does it feel like blogging isn't fun anymore? I used to hop on the computer in a hurry to check out my reader but now....well, no one blogs anymore. Which makes me feel like no one reads anymore and I don't feel like typing. I never realized how much support I had from these blogs and some, now, haven't been updated in months. I know I should just look for others to read, but its hard to find the really entertaining ones like I used to read. So, either I gotta get searching or everyone needs to get typing!

Why, hello there!

Hi. I am, in fact, still alive. Its been a crazy few weeks, but all of it has been so worth it.

Brian's brother, sister-in-law, and their kids came to MD for an extended trip and we had the pleasure of having them stay at our house for two days. Unfortunately for them, they spent those two days amongst piles of boxes and various other, well, crap. That aside, I know our kids had a blast having them around, and I hope their kids felt the same.

We made a big family trip (Brian's brother and sister and their families and a family friend and her kids) to Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, PA. If you ever get the chance, I'd suggest going. Its the perfect sized park.....by the time the kids will start whining you'll be at the end of the park. There's even some sort of promotion where you can do Hershey Park one day and Dutch Wonderland the next. Anyway, its the perfect size and had plenty to do and rides that fit every age.

The following day we went back to PA to attend Brian's cousin's wedding. Our kids didn't make it because they had to spend the other half of Father's Day with their grandfathers, but all the other kiddo's made it. They had a blast....all of them danced their butts off. I tried, but my butt is still here. :)

Ugh. Then moving day. I can't complain. It was a LOT of hard work, but Brian and I accomplished packing and loading the truck without a fight. That, in itself, is amazing. I got to all my settlements on Friday and ended up at the new place to find Brian and his parents already at work. My parents came around 5. Their help was definitely most appreciated. We got everything in the house and then it seemed like it would never get organized, but it did. Bella and Brandon showed up and were totally into helping us offload the truck and unpack. I was very surprised.

Our neighbors are great. Very entertaining. I don't know that we'll be buddy-buddy with them, but its definitely a big change from the other neighborhoods I've lived in since moving to MD. This place is like a vacation house. Go outback on one of the two decks and there's a beautiful view of the lake and the ducks. Out front, there's nothing like sitting on the steps under a huge shade tree watching kids run around. Speaking of kids, we're so happy because it seems every house has kids. And they are of all ages so everyone will have a playmate.

We already hosted our first cookout with Brian's sister and family. I have to say, it went very well. The kitchen is working out wonderfully. The deck is perfect for socializing. We get our living room and bedroom furniture today, so hopefully those two rooms will look more finished. Maybe then, I'll find my clothes once they are in drawers. Right now, they are strewn about the bedroom. It took me 4 days to find my flip flops. It was very interesting to find out that Brian left all of my capris, pants, etc., in the car still parked at the old house. Trying to find something to wear on my bottom half was a bit tricky for a few days.

I know you've all been wondering. The Abs Diet isn't working. The theory behind it I get. The problem is I don't know when to stop. Nibbles don't make me feel full....but add up all those nibbles and its not pretty. I meant to go to a meeting this morning, but I slept through it. I am journaling everything online, though. Anyone else having problems pulling up their points tracker? The current weight? 206.3. How did I let that happen? What happened to the 170s I used to complain about.

I got a call today that I will be an acting LT at work, starting July 5th. I'm excited but nervous at the same time. It will be weird for a while.....

Moving and giving up

Just over a week left til moving day!! I can't wait til its all over with. I don't want to come off like we're struggling everyday stressing about packing, but this house has been an annoyance for the past few weeks. There's boxes everywhere, things in "holding" where we're not sure if we should pack them or not yet and then the pile of stuff we're trying to sell on Craigslist.com. We decided to move ourselves and got a good deal on a moving truck. There won't be any rushing. We get the truck the day before we move and return it the day after. Hopefully it will be non-stressful. I say that now.....

I've given up on WW for good. It was time. All I was doing to myself was getting frustrated and more and more unmotivated. I talked with a guy at work who is a personal trainer on his off days. He suggested I read the book Abs Diet. At first I was hesitant, but I decided it couldn't hurt. The goal, they say, is to get flat abs. Thats the gimmick part. The rest of it is trying to tell you how to opt for more protein and fiber as well as a mix of good carbs. Basically its the same as WW's core program. The book encourages 6 small meals a day, kind of an a schedule. It was wonderful for work yesterday. I was busy running calls, but never got hungry. Today I'm doing pretty well, too. Brian and I went to the grocery store and bought tons of stuff we can cook with this week and next. I'm happy I've been making good choices. Theres a workout plan in the back as well, so I'll be starting that soon.

What are the chances?

I've been stung by a bee before. Once in 28 years. Tell me, how do people who are allergic to them get stung 3 times in one month? And if that's not enough bad luck, throw in stabbing yourself in the thumb with an EpiPen, not your thigh. Oh, and the needle gets stuck in the bone so it won't come back out. Not me, but a patient I had last shift. Remind me not to sit next to that person on a plane.

Muffins vs. Info

I'm getting frustrated. I've been busting my ass at the gym. I've done some sort or workout EVERY day. I've journaled and been on track with my eating. What happened? I got on the scale and gained another pound. I'm at 197. My physical for work was in November and I was 178. Who gains 20 pounds like that? Me. And I think I figured out why. I'm on an antidepressant which my doctor said could have attributed to some weight gain. So, she took me off and after a week or two, I realized I (and probably everyone around me) needed to be back on the medicine.

Today, frustrated and about to give in to banana chocolate chip muffins I made this morning, I decided to change my focus from food to information. I plopped my happy ass on the couch and started searching. What I found out was interesting. I'm on Celexa which apparently causes an initial weight loss which I experienced Aug-Sept-Oct of last year) and then progressive weight gain. On average its 15-20 pounds. To top it off, Celexa reportedly causes some serious carbohydrate cravings. The articles I read described how the area of the brain affected by these drugs really messes up metabolism and makes your brain think it needs more glucose, hence the cravings. It specifically said its not about the caloric intake, but the metabolism. The metabolism level is directly determined by the drug.

So, what does this mean? I guess I'll keep working my butt off. If I'm going to stay this size, I want to look good and toned. I'll just tell ppl I used to be a semi-professional basketball or rugby player. And, I guess my current clothes will be headed off to Goodwill and I'll be shopping for something bigger. Kind of depressing, but if this is going to be the way it is, I have to accept and deal. Maybe getting new clothes won't be so bad. :)

Finally, it came to me!

I've decided what the girls bedroom is going to look like. A sickening shade of girl. Chandelier and all.

I get it.

Isn't it weird when you "get it?" Like, when someone tells you to try something, in this case a "reward" for achieving a goal as motivation, and you try it yourself and it doesn't work. But then, one day, it works. I don't understand it, but yesterday I got it.

I worked my butt off (unfortunately, not literally) at the gym yesterday. On the way home I stopped at Barnes and Noble's to look for something for a friend. After wandering, I found myself in the journal section. Its the craziest thing....its like I was drawn to this way-to-expensive-for-a-journal journal. I picked it up and bought it. Now, its not like I haven't bought something before like this, but this very pretty journal was my "reward" for going to the gym. Maybe more a reward for finally getting over that hump of, "I hate the gym, I'm not going" attitude. I want to go. I'm looking forward to the results.

I drove home wondering what this journal was going to be about since I blog already. I started writing and this one was different. It wasn't "poor me" or "I can't do this" or "I blame...." It was, "this is the beginning and I'm going to document it all." I want proof this time of my progress. I want to see the bad "before" me. When I lost before I didn't want to remember that old me. Now, I do. I want to have something to look back at.

In the journal will be my next goal and reward. What will the reward be??? No idea. Maybe it will just come to me like it did last night. I'm glad I finally "get" it.

My new favorite video....

I've got to say, I've had a good few days. I've made it to the gym twice and had awesome, sweat dripping workouts. I've figured out my workouts are based all on the music I'm listening to. My MP3 player has great stuff on it. I've even had to extend some of the workouts a few minutes longer just to finish listening to a song. Tomorrow, I'm throwing some weights in the mix.

My days with Brian have been super great, We went to a Caribbean Wine Festival this weekend where I got pinned against a tree after I was folded up in one of those nylon chairs that fit in a long bag. Anyway, I fell over, tried to brace myself against the tree with my hand and the chair folded up on me with me still in it. I'm sure it was humorous. It would have been funnier had I been drinking already. I do have to say two glasses of wine and listening to Brandon say he wanted to get a "shit zoo" dog when we move definitely helped the mood. We kept tell him he was saying a bad work so now he just says he wants a zoo dog. This is the kid that told Brian he was "half Jewish and half Christmas."

I'm so ready to move it's not even funny. No, we're still not packed, but at least we've started. We're selling stuff like crazy, which is good because our "want" list for the house is growing. A trip to Ikea today just added a few hundred more bucks to that list, but I'm really happy with some of the stuff we picked out. Oh, and I bought myself a new lightning fast laptop today. I've been using Brian's 6 year old laptop all this time and I swear it moved slower than molassess. Two days ago it breathed its last breath and died. This one is so much faster, I can't believe it. Brian asked why I got off the computer in such a short amount of time....we figured out the other computer was so slow loading things it took about 3 times the amount of time to look at the few sites I check out. Today I looked at everything in no time!

PS. Anyone interested in a free gray kitten? My sister has two "oops" kitties from her tramp of a daughter. (The cat, she doesn't have a daughter.) This is the cat she took to the vet to get fixed and the doctor came back out and told her he couldn't do the surgery because Tillie was preggo. So, Leigh (sister) had to schedule for a 3rd time. Remember, the 1st time Tillie ran away was no where to be found. That's when she got knocked up. You can be the best parent sometimes and teach them right from wrong and still things go aray. I think she should have got her teenage birth control but who am I? Just the crazy aunt. Huh...now how does she feel caring for 4 cats? And, I'm the crazy aunt.......

:0) Cats are like humans in our family.

A good morning so far

I'm feeling pretty good about today. Instead of indulging in some really bad for me breakfast, I had some cereal. While staring at the cabinet holding the mess of cereals, I decided to make serving sized baggies filled with the cereal. Two birds with one stone: I cleaned up the mess and now can grab a bag of cereal when I need a snack or as I'm walking out the door for work in the morning. Now, I just have to find a nice Thermos or something to hold my milk.

After my clean-up, feeling very Weight-watchery today, I logged into WW.com. Much to my surprise is an updated site. IMO, its much better than before and easier to use. I'm looking forward to journaling. No weigh in this week. I'm in a good mood. I don't want to ruin it!! :O)

I'm still around.

Sorry. I put myself in quarantine with the recent swine flu outbreak.

Really, don't get me started on that one. I know, I know, it could have been the worst pandemic since 1918, but get real here people. 1918 was a long time ago and I think we've made one or two medical advances in that time. Yes, I fully understand how viruses spread and that was one of the main concerns. With all the hype, I don't doubt for a second the virus was spread to less people because everyone was worried about catching it. Maybe every winter we should all stay home when sick, wash our hands, and cough in our elbows so we don't catch the flu without a curly tail. Its a completely unheard of idea. (Note my sarcasm.)

At work we got to wear these really fun N99 respirators. There's nothing like walking into a home with a family that speaks only Romanian and try to determine why their three year old is laying in bed with blue lips, hands, and feet, eyes rolled back and an obvious fever. So now my focus went from aggressively treating this kid to fighting to keep the stupid mask in a position where it would stop pushing my glasses up to where the lenses are a at nauseating level right in the middle of my view. Then there's the, "oh my God, I need to blow my nose NOW," problem where there's no stopping it. As you can tell, I can't wait til we get to wear them again. Especially when you walk in a Romanian's house and they think we're wearing them because they are Romanian. I need to get that version of Rosetta Stone so I can explain things in the future.

I don't feel like I have anything intriguing to write about these days. I'm not going to bore you with the WW's ups and downs (more ups than downs). I went off one of my medicines, which DEFINITELY cut back on cravings and mindless eating which created a loss but the side effects weren't worth it. I'm back on the medicine and feeling, oh, so much better!!

I don't know about everyplace else in the world, but allergies in the DC/Baltimore area are kicking my butt. Its been such a long spring so far. The sinus infections are finally gone, but the remnants of everything else remain. The downfall is when it finally stopped raining and Noah's Arc floated away, the beautiful days really were beautiful. All I wanted to do is keep the windows open, but after a while I didn't even notice how nice it was between my coughs and nose blowing. We're working to tweak a good allergy regimen so once we move in the new house I can fully enjoy everything it has to offer, even if it is in the woods and next to a lake.

Along those lines, we just started packing today. We don't settle til June 26th, so we're taking our time. Thank God for craigslist.com and amazon.com. We are selling stuff left and right. It's really a win/win for us. Its that much less stuff we have to pack up and haul out, but its also $$ in our pocket to put towards the next house for the first few projects we hope to complete. The house is looking mildly disasterous and I'm sure it will only worsen over the next few weeks.

We decided to save money and move ourselves. In theory, it is a good idea. In reality, I'm not so sure. Brian's mom and I helped him move into his apartment a few years ago and that wasn't exactly pretty. Brian gets a bit snippy, as do I, but he tries to be Superman and do it all. Finding out the hard way, I've learned its not worth fighting back. Its more fun to watch him struggle and ask for help anyway. This time around there will be NO kids "helping" us. For the apartment move, Bella ran full speed into a patio door and Brandon got his hand slammed in the steel door.... No kids.

That's it. Sorry, I couldn't be more entertaining.