Thursday, April 29, 2010

Walk with me

I joked around with my neighbor, Jessica, the other day how we should walk around the circle instead of sitting on our butts watching the kids play. This afternoon, I was out with Remi when she pulled in her parking spot. She yelled out to me, "you ready to walk?" It caught me off guard. I thought it was like all those "other" conversations where you say you'll do things but you never really follow through. You know, like "I swear, we'll meet up for lunch," or, "yeah, sure, I'll help you move...."

So, Jessica went in to change her clothes and then we walked for God knows how long. I have no idea how long it was, but it was fun. We talked the whole time, actually extending the walk just to finish a conversation. We walked over 1.2 miles when all was said and done. It wasn't a speed walk. Jessica is more out of shape than me and is a smoker. Actually, while I was eating a pear when the walk started she was smoking. I'm not really going to put my two cents in about smoking, because I was a smoker myself in a previous life. Everyone who smokes knows they should stop. I was happy she was walking, so I wasn't going to get in her shit about her smoking. She was out of breath after getting to the top of the hill, but she did well. We walked at her pace and like I said we did six laps. Ten laps is our next goal, which would be two miles. I don't think that will take very long to achieve.

Now, it didn't help that after our her family and I sat outside and had a few drinks enjoying the weather while watching the kids play. But, at least there was activity done and based on her attitude, I think it will continue. I think I need her for this part of my life just as she may need my help in aspects of her life. Not having a lot of "friends" I'm actually very much enjoying spending time together.

A pat on my back, by me.

Ahhh, work. I'm not even going to get into the stressors or work because, let's be serious...we all have them. Why would you want to hear mine on top of yours? But, can I tell you HOW I handled a stressor yesterday? Oh, I know you want me to, so I'll just assume implied consent and keep moving along....

I got moved around from station to station yesterday which was frustrating to say the least. I was struggling to get a final evaluation done on a guy who's last shift was yesterday. (He's retiring...lucky him!!) Between calls and other nonsense, I felt like I was running out of hours in the day. Supper time came and the station I was assigned to cooks every shift. The meal of choice? Of course it was a special one since it was Fred's last shift: Fettucine Alfredo with chicken thighs and provolone cheese. And garlic bread. "Be part of the team. Do you bring your own food to a restaurant with you?" Oh, how I would have loved to eat that meal, but it would become part of my inner thighs and there's just not much more room there.

So, I ate with them, but had the Dijon Pork Chops, roasted cauliflower, applesauce, and roasted potatoes I made the night before. Ok, I splurged when it was all said and done and had a slice of garlic bread, but I had the points for it. The company or conversation didn't change--just my food did.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Combining programs

The last two or three days I've been eating every few hours like Elizabeth, the dietitian I went to taught me. What a word of difference now that I've coordinated that with WW! I've given myself a max of how many points I can have per "meal" which has allowed me to get creative. I'm trying to stick to her suggestions of a fat, a protein, and a carb per meal/snack. I've stayed within my points which I gotta say over the past few weeks was really hard for me to do. I'm not hungry at all and I've been enjoying what I've been eating. A few more weeks and it will become a good habit!

BTW...I stuck to my no pizza thing last week. I haven't had pizza, besides Lean Cuisine, for 10 days. I can hardly believe it!

Midnight Madness Psych class

This sounds like the class for me. I'm a bit of a night owl. I'd go to this in a heartbeat over an 8am class.

Week 4, or it is 5?

Well, I missed last weeks meeting so in WW terms I'm on week 4. In real life terms, I'm on week 5. Anywho, I weighed in this morning and I'm exactly the same. Whew! I don't want to say I was sure I gained because my body didn't feel like it gained, but at the same time I didn't eat or follow the plan like I was supposed to. I think I got lucky by the working out I did last week. I'm glad I got a few more walks in than normal.

Next week, let me tell you, there WILL be a loss!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Trying to find a happy medium

because now I'm sleeping wonderfully thanks to a new antihistamine my doc gave me. So wonderfully that I'm still half asleep once I wake up. I need to find that happy medium between wonderful sleep and total awakeness. As for now, I might have to take a nap. Never thought I'd be disappointed to say that.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Not so confident

I'm not so confident with tomorrow's weigh in. I think missing last weeks meeting wasn't a good decision for me. I needed that extra accountability to keep me on track. I started off good with journaling, but I lost it as the days went by. I didn't do good with my challenge of cooking more. Since everyone is gone for the night and I don't have much to do I'm thinking of cooking up a few meals for the week. That way there will always be something in the kitchen for me to eat and really no excuse to cause us to go out to eat.

I earned about 14 APs. I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I guess its better than nothing. I took my vitamin everyday, though. I found yummy gummy ones that I don't mind taking. No matter what the weigh in is tomorrow, I gotta keep moving forward. I've got a goal to reach, even if it takes a short eternity to get there.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Join the Movement

I'm not going to lie. When my alarm started going off this morning, I was thinking of EVERY reason not to get ready to go to the 5K. My bed was so comfy and let's be honest---I'm obviously not one to jump up willingly for exercise. I'm SOOOO glad I went though. I spent a few hours with some good friends. Three plus miles flew by. By the time I was asking if they'd have mile markers up to show us how far into the walk we were, we were already turning back on the road to return to the starting point. The walk wasn't easy. I mean it wasn't killer either, but there were a good few hills in it.

Like I said, I felt it once I got home and tried to get out of the car. I was sore all over and tired. A lot of you could probably walk 3 miles at the mall, but for me, that is the most exercise I've had in a long time. I'm at work now and I feel great. I'm actually thinking of what I want to do tomorrow to earn some activity points.

That might have been the best part. I earned 8 points for today. What a great concept! I overate a little at lunch today, but I was totally covered with the extra points. (Yes, I did use my 35 points first....but theoretically speaking, I earned actually more, than what I ate today.)

I'm a little stubborn sometimes. It takes me a while to "get it." Just like the pants explosion led me to take my weight loss seriously, this 5K may be just the catalyst I need to get moving. Well,that and this orange bracelet I'm wearing that says "Join the Movement." Its the National MS Society's catchline, but it made me think about how many people out there want to move but can't. I'm lucky and healthy enough to move and up til this point I've chosen to be lazy and not take advantage of my ability to move. Until today.

team next steps

I walked in my first 5k today. Wow, am I'm worn out. I thought I would be all energized afterward but I'm whooped. I think the forty minute car ride home did me in. I could barely get out of the car! I'm proud of the accomplishment and more so with the fact that I was able to breathe the entire time. It felt good to sweat. But for now, I'm taking advantage of nap time since I have to finish out my shift at work tonight. Who am I kidding? I'd be napping even if I didn't have to go back to work!

Congrats to team Next Steps on earning over $12k! Debbie should be proud!

Thursday, April 22, 2010


9 points for a Famous Dave's corn muffin? Ugh. I don't like adding those numbers up.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


April 5th, I could just barely squeeze out 10 girly pushups. Tonight, I was able to do 22.

How could I forget the crickets?

Its been forever since I thought of my crickets. You know, the thousands of crickets that live in the sound machine that used to lull me to sleep. I thought we got rid of the sound machine when I found out it lived only six feet away from where I rest my head every night. Brian cranked that baby up and I was off to na-na land in no time. And I stay there for almost 12 hours! I can't even begin to explain how happy I am that I slept. It was wonderful! Plus, to wake up to a bright sun-shiney day -- its perfection.

Happy Almost 40th Birthday

Happy Birthday, Brian! I'll love you, even when you're 40. I'm counting down the days now....brhahahaha (thats my evil laugh!)


Sunday, April 18, 2010

Week 4: Challenges to myself

Earn 21 APs by next Monday morning. In my WW meeting last week I learned I **should** be earning at least 28 APs (activity points) a week. "Should" is the key word there.

Cook supper (or at least eat supper I cooked) for seven days. And no big fancy, dancy breakfasts where there's room for screwing up points for a day.

Take a multi-vitamin every day. I don't know why this is so hard for me to do, but I ALWAYS forget to take it. I don't know if it makes a difference or not, but I guess I should be taking one anyway.

Study one hour a day. I have a Lieutenants test coming up plus some other classwork I've been putting off forever.

No pizza for a week. (From a restaurant---Lean Cuisines are okay.)

Isn't that what Sunday's are for?

I don't feel like being nice today. I'm cold and my allergies are acting up just enough to be annoying. (Thank you weather). I don't want to entertain. I don't want to do my hair or put on makeup. I don't want to bundle up just to say I went outside, because I "should." Maybe I'll feel like cooking later, but for now 3 chocolate chip cookies and milk sounds like a good lunch.

What will make me feel good today? Laying in bed watching reruns on TV. My dogs head laying on my hip. The cat purring above my head. My hair sticking up all over the place, looking like a chickens ass. Comfy, warm PJS. Quiet.

I'm not depressed. I might be lazy. I just don't want to have to think. I did enough of that yesterday and the day before. For now, I just want to try to figure out who did it on NCIS before they do.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thank you Ms. Pharmacist.

Wow. Can I tell you just how much stuff got accomplished today? I'll spare you, but lots. I was a busy little bee. All day long --- I haven't been like this in years. I told Brian I really think it was the Trazodone I was on for sleeping that got me in a rut. I just thought it was me. I told him it was like I had no feelings. Like, being hungover, without the bad headache, nausea, or vomiting. The kind where you know you have X amount of tasks that need to be done in a day so you do them, but then you need a nap. Last night was night #4 without the medicine so today was day #2 of productivity. I love it!!

Now, I'm still a little worried about sleeping tonight, so I stopped by the drug store and talked to the pharmacist about my situation. She told me with my symptoms something like melatonin probably won't work, but I should have luck with doxylamine succinate since I get jittery with Benadryl.

I'm hopeful. Actually, I can't wait to try it out. I hope everyday end up like the last two!

To Sleep or Not to Sleep?

Ugh. Night #3. Or is it 4? I can't remember. All I know is every minute awake when you want to be sleeping is like an eternity. I know I slept from 11:45pm til 1:15am. I was up til almost 3:30-4am toss and turning (sorry, Bri), trying new beds/couches/pillows, turning the fan off and turning the fan on. I changed pajamas thinking I was too hot or too cold. I had a glass of milk and some crackers. I made the couch up in the basement thinking if I got one of the cats to snuggle with me, their purring would put me to sleep. Instead, all I could think about was how cool it would be to make the basement into a master suite. I had it all planned out in my head....a wood stove for the winter time, it would be consistently cool in the summer....a little couch area for movie watching. Don't forget the lower deck that faces the lake. Brian could have a little coffee area set up so he can go right out and enjoy coffee every morning. I was so excited then, I was like a little kid waiting for everyone else to wake up the morning before a trip. I couldn't wait to tell Brian my ideas.

I got up when everyone else did and had some breakfast. While the kids were getting ready for school, Rio was laying on our bed so I laid next to him petting him. Next thing I knew, it was 935am. I guess I got a good hour of sleep in. So, my theory? I have to kick Brian out of the bed and move animals into it. LOL. J/K.

But here's the problem: I'm crazy when I'm supposed to be sleeping. But, off the medicine, my head was so clear, not "hungover." I had a wonderfully productive day yesterday. Its almost like I have to choose...perks during the day or night?

PS. We're totally moving the master down into the basement. As I was typing this, six of my duck friends were just hanging out steps away from our bottom deck. I love them. I could watch them all day long. Maybe I should start counting ducks to fall asleep.....

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Brandon's mad at Brian so he's not talking to him. It's SO hard keeping a straight face!

Week 3

Week Loss: 1.4 pounds

Total Loss: 3.4 pounds

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

If I could make one wish....

it would be for one restful night's sleep. I can't even tell you the last time I really slept well. It's been years, and I probably had the flu or something. My sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up thanks to my job. I've been on sleeping medicine for about two years now....nothing like Ambien or anything, but another prescription that has "drowsy" as a side effect and allows me to sleep. But I still wake up tired. Almost like I'm hungover--that kind of tired.

Well, I ran out of the medicine and I'm trying (being stubborn) to sleep without the medicine. I don't like that I'm drugging myself, for lack of better terms, to sleep each night. I just want to be normal and sleep when I'm supposed to and for 8 hours, not these little naps.

My mom did always tell me I had my nights and days mixed up.

Monday, April 12, 2010

I have no excuses...well, good ones anyway

I didn't have a stellar WW week. I started off good, but it didn't end well. Actually I don't really know if I did bad or good. I stopped journaling. I just stopped journaling. I don't really know why. I guess I missed a day early on in the week and instead of picking up where I left off, it was just easier to ignore it.

Because of my schedule, I'm not going to be able to weigh in tomorrow, my normal weigh in day. But, then again, I said that last week, too, and ended up making it to a meeting. Whether I go or not, the journaling starts tomorrow, as well as the packed lunch. I ate out too much this week. Besides the points values that add up while eating out, I never really paid attention to just how much those "cheap" meals add up. We've been paying off debt so I really need to keep my eating out to a minimum. I already spent lots of money...I don't need to spend more.

A service like no other

I went to Mike & Shannon's church service by myself Sunday morning. What a relaxing day. It was like no other service I've been to. I got there late (in usual Sarah fashion) and walked in to an auditorium with the lights out and a band playing. I thought I went to the wrong place, but Mike reassured me I was where I was supposed to be. The church overall is quite contemporary and has a pretty young membership. It's a non-denominational church that holds its Sunday services at a nearby middle school. I'm going to be honest, the first ten minutes or so I thought they were a bunch of quacks. I mean what church has a band with members who's jeans are all distressed, messy hair, and sing their worship? I was uncomfortable. But, like it was meant to be, suddenly there was a picture of Mike on two screens on the stage showing an interview of how he came to be a member of the church. He explained his Jewish heritage and how he later became Christian. His face glowed when he spoke of his experiences. In normal Mike fashion, there was even a stupid moment where he thought his ear scratching would be edited out, but it wasn't. Guess you had to be there for that part. Shortly after, a missionary named Calvin spoke for a while. Again, I started to get a little nervous. There I was sitting in a not so normal church service about to listen to some Jesus lovin' guy. But listening to him speak was so very interesting. I'm going to be honest, I didn't understand any of his Bible references with the exception of, "let there be light," which I guess I didn't know the true symbolism behind it, and stories of Adam and Eve. But I could have listened to him for hours. He referred to scripture...I have no idea what Testament it was from, but he was able to explain it in such a way that I totally understood it after. It was almost like we were at a laid back conference. I love learning stuff and going to classes, and this was no different.

I still don't know much. I don't know what "religion" I am. I just know that the stuff I learned as a Catholic very much skewed my views on Christianity or religion overall. All I really learned was all the reasons I'm going to hell for: spitting on the road as a kid, having sex before I was married (sorry, Mom), and probably because I got a divorce. My Nana told me if I lost anything, I was supposed to pray to St. Francis (or someone), and I should say novenas (of course, the ones found in the back of the newspaper) every night. I think the "lost" stuff wasn't supposed to be about my finding my lost shoe, but if I lost my "way."

I left their service literally smiling. I felt like I just sat through a free counseling session or something. It was so upbeat and positive. For all I know the whole God and Jesus thing is a made up story. But, if a made up story is helping me stay positive in my life and my relationships then maybe I'll keep playing make believe. It's working for me.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

From my pantry to yours....

I went to Super Walmart tonight and bought all kinds of groceries. Money has been a little bit tight lately, so we've just been buying as we big orders in a while. I bought as much fresh fruits and veggies as I could and then the rest of the pantry items, I bought to be portion friendly. It seems like everyone makes a 100 calorie pack these days. Sometimes its more expensive, but I figure the 100 calorie bags of Utz chips was a better idea than the huge 1,000,000 oz (ok it just seems that big) bag of chips that I can devour in no time.

Out with the old, in with the new. Tomorrow morning, or later today since its already morning, I'm going to empty out our pantry and restock it with stuff we actually eat. Novel concept, right? As for everything else? I'm going to see if Brian's cousin and wife will accept non-perishable food donations at the food pantry they run in PA. Its all perfectly good food....Hamburger Helper, Pasta-Roni, canned veggies I don't eat anymore, cereal that's never been opened, etc. Now that I've been on track with my eating for over about three weeks I need it outta my house!!

Friday, April 9, 2010

See Sarah run.

Good news. Its working. I've gained a little bit of endurance!

I was on a medic unit yesterday again, instead of being the sector officer. So for 24 hours I was lugging around equipment, working on patients, just generally up and about. The power went out after some storms and that made finding some of the front doors to apartment complexes that much harder. We did a lot more walking than we normally would had we been able to see completely. It was on one call, around 10pm, that I realized, although I was still walking slower than everyone else, I was NOT out of breath. I felt good.

Then today, I took Dumb Dog #1 and Dumb Dog #2 out to play. Dumb Dog #1 chased two birds then a squirrel in which Dumb Dog #2 felt the need to chase everyone....
In the woods, behinds the neighbors town homes, a quick stop at everyone's front door...I was pissed. Finally I decided to run (up the hill) to grab Remi's (Dumb Dog #1) collar and get him back to the house. I felt awkward running. I definitely wasn't agile, but, again, I wasn't out of breath. I had plenty of breath in me to tell Remi what I was thinking of him at that very moment.

**Yea!** for being able to move and breath!

Tune up

I can't remember if I ever told you any of my bicycling adventures. Like when Brian and I thought it would be fun to take a trip to Jim Thorpe, PA, stay in an old mansion turned bed and breakfast, and go bike riding on old train tracks. How romantic, right? Sure, til we almost killed each other because it was the worst ride of my life. I kept telling him it was so hard to ride and my legs and butt hurt. He told me I was a wuss and to keep going. That was the last time I did any serious riding....about 2 or 3 years ago.

I posted a few days ago my ride around the circle with Brandon. I was still cussing to Brian about the gears not shifting right and how much my butt and legs hurt from riding, but again, I chalked it up to being a wuss and out of shape. Maybe biking just isn't for me.

But then, yesterday, I got a call from Brian. I could tell by his voice, whatever his story was going to be was going to be a good one. And, boy, was I right! He told me he took the bikes to the shop for a tune up. The bike guy put mine on the rack and asked if the bike was hard to ride. Brian told the guy about my shifting problems and complaining in general. The bike guy said, "I'd guess so. The rear brake has been constantly on, and the gears area all messed up."

I so needed to hear that yesterday. I knew it wasn't that hard to ride a bike. Now that it's all ready to go, I'm looking forward to some riding.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Dessert time.

These are delicious. Feels like you're eating tons of ice cream and all for 2 or 3 points. I was happy to find individually wrapped Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches at 7-11 last shift. Definitely what I needed at 11:30pm. My opinion? Ten times better than any of WW's ice cream's cones, cups, or sandwiches.

A much needed workout.

After reading my last post about fifty times over I decided to make tonight about me. I was sitting around waiting for Brian to come home from a class he took in DC and I realized the first step to focusing on me is to make a "me" decision. So I got my new phone, some headphones, a water bottle, and a pen and paper to write, "I went to the YMCA." Just then, of course, Brian walked in the house. Usually that would cause me to put everything down and sit and chat but I needed to go workout some frustrations. I've been eyeing up a recumbent bike workout I found on someone's blog and today, I decided, was the day I was going to do it.

Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. I have honestly not worked out that hard in years. It was wonderful. I loved it. I couldn't finish the workout which disappoints me a bit, but I can't say I didn't give it my all. I can only imagine the faces I was making during the hard intervals. During my recovery phases I thought I was going to puke each time. After the first ten minutes, my recovery phases were lasting longer than thirty seconds and closer to sixty. I couldn't pedal hard enough to get the RPMs where they needed to be, but I pedaled as hard and fast as I possibly could. After seventeen minutes, I could do no more. I tried, but I was spent. The best thing I can compare the workout to was a spin class I took two years ago.

So, I have a workout. I'm going to work on this workout until I can do it like its written. Then, I will try the blogger's other workouts. I felt good. It felt real good.

How do you focus on "me" when you're forced to focus on EVERYTHING else?

After reading this post, you may think I'm an incredibly selfish person. Maybe I am.

I'm not going to lie...I've been down in the dumps for the past few days. All that motivation I had? Gone. Makes me wonder if I really ever had it at all, even though I'm pretty sure that's not true. Who am I kidding? Down in the dumps for a few days? Try a few years.

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I was focusing on me and how I was changing my ways. That lasted one and half weeks. Why? Because EVERYTHING else got in the way. Slowly but surely my "me" time got gobbled up by some sort of drama. Kids, dogs, money, etc.

A few years back something happened between Brian and I that made me question everything. Me. Our relationship. Our future. My heart told me to move on without him. My brain told me I had to protect the kids. At that point they finally had some sense of normalcy in their life and I didn't want them to go through another life change. Since then, life has NOT been easy. Before that event, I took care of me. I was healthy. I worked out. I watched what I ate. I was always well-dressed with hair and nails done. I was an extremely happy person. In an instant, all of that went away and my focus went on rebuilding a broken relationship and making sure the kids (that I barely knew) knew nothing but happiness. Just keeping up with the lie that everything was perfect was draining.

A little over two years have gone by and I don't know where I stand. Everyday has been a struggle. Now I'm a person who could wear pajamas all day. I'm a fat 225 pounds. When I started this blog I was in the high 160s I believe. My body hurts. I can't do things I used to do. I can't even do the things I want to do because of my physical condition. What's the same? I still work hard everyday for my relationship with Brian and the kids. But the constant ex-wife issues and then getting up early to get kids ready for school and hearing, "but I want Mommy" is a soul crusher. The assumptions that "Sarah will do it" gets old. Another dog? Sure. Anything for the kids. Money? Well, whatever is left after is spending tons on couples counseling....that nice cushion I had is gone.

Here's the selfish part: I'm at the point where I feel like I'm "owed" the "me" time. I have been a team player and have worked hard for everyone else. I have never in my life worked harder at something. And there are positives that have come from it. But I'm EXHAUSTED of feeling like shit. It just old now. I know I knew what I was getting into by dating a man with ex's and kids. But I never thought I'd allow it to let me lose my identity. I wrote in a previous post that I want a vacation from life. I truly feel like the only way I could get back on track of being me is by taking a vacation from everything I know. By default, my only focus can be me. All I want is the old me back. As the years go by, I feel like I'll never get her. I don't know what to do.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I need a vacation from life.

Small, but a loss nonetheless

I made myself weigh in this morning, since I couldn't make the evening meeting. The activity I did this week saved me, because Lord knows my eating wasn't very good. I'm down 0.4 lbs, for a total of 2 pounds.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Finally coming to an end.

I had a bad week. I tried to tell myself the Ledo's things was done and over with and to move on, but it didn't quite work that way. Unfortunately, I won't be able to weigh in with everyone tomorrow because the kids will be here. I may weigh in somewhere later this week. Anyway, I'm glad this food week is coming to an end and I can regain my focus. I know its a mind game but its one I don't always win.

I started doing push-ups, crunches, and tricep dips. I was surprised at how much I could do. I was able to complete 10 girl push-ups which I didn't think I'd get past two. I did 100 consecutive crunches without a problem. I need to do something to make them harder. Then I did tricep dips which made my arms feel like jello, but I figured that was a good thing. I'm going to try something new today...I just don't know what yet.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Oy. My aching butt.

I rode my bike with Brandon yesterday. I probably only rode about a mile or two total, but the circle outside our house has hills on either side. It wasn't until I started pedaling my heart out when I really learned just how much of an incline there was. Normally I hate the bike, but I have to say I really enjoyed it. Maybe riding in circles did it for me. I think other times, while on a trail, I can keep riding straight til I get tired, but once I'm tired, I don't want to turn around and ride back to the starting point. The problem is, most of the time I have no idea where/when to determine the halfway point is so I can turn around and be tired just in time to finish. We talked about riding around the trail by the airport in Baltimore. I think I could probably handle that as a starter. I keep trying to do some sort of activity, even though I'm not really tracking it. Finding out the hard way, I learned if I know how many APs I earn, I will spend the same amount by eating.

Its hard to say how I've done this week so far. I haven't stepped on the scale at all. Part of me wants to just to see while another part wants it to be a complete surprise at my meeting Tuesday. I just don't want to get to WW and find out my 3rd weigh in was a major gain or something.

Do you weigh yourself at home, between WW weigh-ins?

Friday, April 2, 2010

I feel out of sorts

It has nothing to do with the new dog or really anything in particular. I just feel...well, blah. I think part of it is me still dwelling on my Ledo's episode from the other day that I told myself I wasn't going to worry about. I feel like it destroyed my week, even though my weigh in isn't until next Tuesday. Its almost like if I don't have "tunnel vision" on my journaling, etc., I feel like I'm screwing it all up.
Ok, so its not a flattering picture of me, but here's a picture of me and the boys, Rio and Remi.

What's wrong? Nothing

We have a new pacing, drooly, panting dog. Tails are wagging, fur is flying, and there's toys everywhere. Unfortunately, we've got a sad kid on our hands. The boy is all upset because Rio won't be living at mommy's house anymore. It kills me that he is so upset. We try so hard to keep their lives as "normal" as possible but unfortunately their sense of normalcy repeatedly gets disrupted. We had a long chat and I think he feels better. Its just so hard when you see anger, sadness, or frustration in a kids face and when asked about it they say, "nothing." I don't want these kids to grow up keeping their emotions on the inside. I don't want them to be an emotional basket case when they grow up.

Welcome to the home of wayward dogs

At four today, we will have a new addition to the household. In an attempt to simplify her life, Brian's ex-wife is looking for homes for two of her three dogs. She offered Rio, the golden retriever Brian and she got when Brandon was born, to Brian so Remi is getting an a new, older brother. Thankfully, Rio is a great dog so he will be a welcome addition to the family. Its not exactly what I had planned for, but I know the feeling of picking out a dog years ago and knowing it needs a new home. Brian picked Rio out of his litter, so he definitely is a special little guy to him. I just PRAY the two dogs get along. Unfortunately for Mattie, our girly cat, she just got brave enough to come up out of the basement about a month ago and befriended Remi. Poor girl probably won't be seen for another six months.

Pics to follow....

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I should have known better

Bella went to the eye doctor the other day after her pediatrician thought her eye might be drifting. Come to find out, she has an astigmatism and is farsighted which probably explains some of her reading difficulties.She picked out purple glasses and then told me she will be getting a second pair in blue. I asked if the second pair were backup in case she broke the first. Her reply? "No. They're in case the purple glasses don't match my outfit." I should have known better.

My kryptonite

What brings me tumbling to my knees, causes me to have absolutely ZERO control and near death (of a weight loss plan anyway)? Ledo's pizza. It pains me to say my partner yesterday, whom I thought was my Batman, threw this deadly concoction at me and each little, bitty square fell just perfectly in my mouth.

They say you can get addicted to cocaine after one hit. If true, Ledo's pizza may be held in the same classification as cocaine. The sweet. The little bite size cute. The perfectly crunchy crunchy. Thick cut pepperoni that lives in the center of each square. Pepperoni with EVERY bite....ummmm, what pepperoni lover WOULDN'T eat that?

In all seriousness I was prepared. I had points. I ordered the salad to eat with the pizza, but then all hell broke loose. It was call after call at work. I told my partner I was okay (didn't need to eat) as he was eating while I was driving. But after two more calls, I was hungry. The salad was a no go. Salads are a completely impractical meal to eat while trying to look in a mapbook for directions and bouncing down the road. Little squares of deliciousness? Very practical.

I had two of the 2x2 squares then went in to treat a patient. We transported to the hospital where I had a few more while writing my report. Then there was another call which turned into a few more slices. I have really no idea what my total score was with respect to pizza squares. All I know is I lost it. Initially, I picked up a square and that stupid good angel on my shoulder whispered, "Weightwatchers, Weightwatchers." I think the bad angel just off'd her because for subsequent squares Miss Goodie-Goodie was no where to be found. Its like I was a kid who just found the hidden box of cookies. There was literally no stopping me. I gotta say, when all was said and done, it truly was concerning to me. This is one of the first times that I literally had no control. I'm thinking Ledo's pizza may be on my, "no way Jose" (big throw out to my little man Carter) list. If I can't practice portion control, I can't have any.

Damn kryptonite. Does this make me a superwoman now? I should order my "S" shirts tomorrow. My luck they'd be mistaken for the scarlet letter or something.....