Thursday, January 31, 2008

Nothing like it.

Craving a diet Pepsi for about 6 hours, knowing you can't have it because you drank the last one in the fridge a few days ago. And then, suddenly, you find one hidden behind the way too old sour cream container on the top shelf of the fridge. Heaven.

I hate painting.

I can't stay in the lines. Its not for a lack of trying, I just can't seem to do it. Usually the first coat goes well and the second coat, well it goes everywhere but where its supposed to. In my hair, on my pants, on the wall thats not supposed to get painted, the carpet and of course, my signature---the ceiling. Tonight was no different.

Brian and I, like I've said before, are working on multiple projects around the house. All the bedrooms need laminate flooring installed and painted, except for Brandon's room who just needs the flooring. The basement need painting desperately! We're getting new carpeting from the basement up two flights of steps to the hallway on the 2nd floor. So I figure, knowing my painting skills (or lack thereof) it would be smart to paint before new carpeting goes in. Brian's working OT tonight, so I figured I should put my "alone" time to good use and get some work done. We're on a mini time table---they are moving in April at the latest and the family (including all my family from PA) are coming March 1st for the girls joint birthday party. Having out of towners means I need places for them to sleep. And the only way to make that happen is to get these projects done and over with. Anyway....I started painting. I was doing so well til coat #2. A spot on the ceiling, a stripe on the brown wall thats not supposed to get painted, as usual I backed up into wet paint so I have my normal ass print (you should see how many sweats, shorts and scrub pants have a huge paint mark on the backside from backing up...), and then to top it off, I thought I lost the cat.

I took the vent off, well, I guess its the air intake? I don't know what it is, but its a big grated thing that I had to take off the wall and it leaves a nice square that connects to a perfect cat sized air duct. I went upstairs to grab something...I swear I was only gone for like 30 seconds. I came back started to paint again and heard this banging. I looked down and realized the vent was off and Baxter was already snooping around in there earlier but I yelled at him and he ran off. I hear all this commotion and I start to freak out. Holy crap, I thought....lets be serious, it was language much worse than that but this is a family blog. Holy crap, the cat climbed in the duct. I start calling his name, got out all his toys, poured some cat. He is trained like a dog....he comes when I call him, except now. So I start to panic. My mind started racing---who do you call when your cats stuck in an air vent? Is it like a cat in a tree when they're hungry they'll come down. He's too fat to turn around, is he smart enough to back up? I was so ready to throw up. I'm such a bad kitty mommy. No wonder the adoption agency won't let me adopt another. I decided to go in the unfinished part of the basement to start banging on the ducts to see if I could find him. And there the little Bastard was. Sitting there staring at me. I swear he was smiling like it was some sick game he was playing on me. For ten minutes I was like a crazy lady thinking the worst about this damn cat and there he is staring at me.

I have never had a good pet/painting experience. Baxter has tried to sniff the paint which left his nose green. He felt the need to rub up against the wall so one half of him was brown. In my old house, our old dog, Duke, tried to drink the paint so his snout was all green and another time, he "pawed" at it and then ran when my exhusband caught him. Yeppers, you guessed it....paw prints through our bedroom.

After typing this, I'm starting to wonder....why the hell don't I pay someone to do this for me?

Here's some before/after pictures. Now, theres some of the basement. Its a mess, but its not always like that. That black shelving unit is getting tossed or pieces used elsewhere. The greenish/khaki mattress is for the futon we just moved down from Brandon's soon to be room. We had to take it all apart to get it down the steps, so its in pieces all over the place. The box....I've tried to get rid of it but its the kids "house." It has wood floor and everything. I'm hoping with the renovations there won't be room for it but I'm sure that idea will get squashed. The plan for down there is: where the black shelving is, we're putting a small media unit from IKEA to hold the flat screen TV which you can't see because it was behind me when I took the picture. Under the mattress are two chairs from IKEA, so they are going to face the TV and the futon is going to be the "couch" which will go where the kids play table is now, of course facing the TV. To the right of that, is my office/craft area. That just needs some paint. Its hard to tell in the picture but everything in front of the mattress (in the foreground) will be the kids play area. Their toy closet is to the right, we're getting big Billy bookcases with doors to hold everyones books and DVDs, and their play table will be moved there as well. Oh, and the house box, I'm sure. Everything will match and hopefully that room will turn out as planned. If it does it should be a good family/den. Plus its in the basement so I don't care if its not perfectly cleaned. But as you can see it definitely needs some work. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

On my quest to try new things...

I tried a Trader Joe chicken lime burger. Every forum I read raves about them. I'm not going to lie--I was scared to try it. To be honest, it lived in my freezer for months. This afternoon I needed a low point meal....more than a snack, less than a lunch, so I figured I'd be brave. Even after I made it, I stared at it for a long while wondering if I should toss it and opt for PB&J. But I was hungry and needed something low point so I bit into it. Not bad. Not my favorite meal, however it did remind me a little of Red Robin or Ruby Tuesday's turkey burgers. The consistency was a little weird for me, but I ate it all. I had it on 1 point bread, so it was a filling "meal" for 3 points. Now, to decide whats for supper.....

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Yea for Laura!

She lost 4 lbs this week....I guess I didn't corrupt as badly as I thought after this weekend. I'll have to try harder next time! :) j/k.

Monday, January 28, 2008

And, I did.

I did it. But not without a fight. I went as far as starting to gather trash. How pathetic is it that I'd rather gather up the trash then exercise? Midway through my chore, I remembered my post. I really shouldn't post tired, because I do things like post "I'm going to exercise tonight." So, I moved the coffee table, found something I could tolerate on On Demand Exercise TV and I started. Three minutes in, I liked it. That always happens. Why do we talk ourselves out of exercising when we really don't mind it? Since I haven't done much in a while (last time was well before XMas) I decided to start off easy. I did a Leslie Sansone 1 mile walk. When I finished that 15 minute workout, I was all sorts of motivated so I did 10 minutes of a Firm Cardio routine. I couldn't do much more. Not that I was physically unable to, I just am sooooo uncoordinated it was driving me nuts. I don't know if On Demand cuts the routines to make them fit in 20 minute segments or something....10 minutes into the routine it suddenly switched to stuff we weren't doing seconds before. I was so confused. I figured I did 30 minutes of stuff, that was enough for one night.

My basement is back in shambles with all of our little projects, but once everything is in order, I think I'll have to get a cable box down there so I can do more On Demand workouts. There's tons to choose from. I need the cable box in the basement because unless I'm the only one home, I have to do them somewhere where no one can see me. I get too embarrassed because I'm so uncoordinated. I won't even let Brian in the room. Although, I saw they had all kinds of TaeBo workouts listed...maybe I'll let him down there for that--I think I heard him say once he wanted to try TaeBo. He can't be any worse than me :)

Bella and Brandon snuck down one time while I was doing a DVD---I didn't want to yell at them to go back upstairs because they wouldn't understand why I was kicking them outof the room. Actually, the two of them ended up being pretty good motivators. Brandon got up a few times and tried to do the workout with me. The rest of the time they sat in their chairs would say, "Sarah you're doing really good." Obviously they weren't watching me and skinny mini instructor at the same time. We weren't doing remotely the same steps. And skinny mini was smiling, dry and talking. I was sweaty, saying words I hope kids didn't hear---they probably didn't hear them because I could only speak one word sentences. Yet again, another reason I pray Baxter never learns to talk. He could probably tell some interesting workout stories.

I don't want to but I will.

I'm going to exercise tonight. I don't want to, but I will. And the only reason I will is because I'm typing this now. It sounds stupid, but writing on this kinda makes me accountable. That and I only have 0.5 points left for the day and its only 3pm. I'm pretty sure I'm going to want more than celery for supper tonight. WW is so frustrating sometimes. I did so good at Red Robin today too, it was the stupid snacking after. Ugh! But for now, I'm in a toss up between painting and napping and its looking like the nap is going to win. Night night!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Need your help!

I have a mini-problem. I'm bored with food. I love to cook, but I get scared to try new things. I'm the same way at a restaurant. Once I find something I like, I very rarely order anything else.

So here's my problem: to stay "good" on WW, I have to cook. I feel like I cook the same 6 things, although I'm sure I don't. I want to try something new, but I'm scared to try new things because I don't know if I'm going to like them. If I try something new and hate it, it greatly increases the chance I'll binge and be bad. So, do me a favor. Send me some recipes. I guess whoever reads my blog will benefit as well. It doesn't necessarily have to be a WW friendly recipe either. I can adjust stuff to make it a little better points wise or if it sounds really good, I may just have to schedule in a "bad" day every once in a while. But the deal is, it has to be a recipe you really love. I'll think about one or two of my favorite recipes and post them once I figure out what it is.

While we're at it, lets expand this to eating out. WW people, let me know you're favorite meals out. I do flex, not core, so something with points would be easier for me. But like I said, I eat the same things at the same restaurants every time. Ex: Quiznos is the old Sierra Smoked turkey, Subway is turkey, basically any other restaurant I get mildly stressed about ordering. So maybe seeing some of your favorite stuff will give me ideas and broaden my horizon! :) I'm starting to feel like Oprah with her "favorite things!"

Speaking of Oprah, Laura and I were talking about pizza (she has a mild addiction as well) and she told me Oprah did a show where she sent Gayle out to find the best pizza. For all you pizza addicts out there,this may be worth checking out. Who knows, maybe you'll be like me and you'll plan a vacation around good pizza! :)
Laura, Brian and I had Ledo's last night. It made the list!!


My long johns for work no longer feel like sausage casings!! And the jeans I wore yesterday (for the first time in about 2 weeks) were actually comfortable, even when I sat down!! Yea!

In other news, I'm apparently an unfit mother. The Cat Adoption agency won't let me adopt a new kitty because I gave other pets away in the past. One was because of my divorce. My ex couldn't take the dog, and I couldn't keep the dog by myself with my work schedule. The cat I gave aways was one I never intended to have in the first place. The cat was left outside my apartment door with a bowl of milk and a bologna sandwich. I already had two cats; a third would be too much. So I gave her to my mom, who every one knows is one cat short of being the crazy cat lady :) That cat has probably one of the best cat lives ever. But whatever....going on a little rant, I know why adoption agencies look into this stuff, but really...I'm trying to provide a good home for an additional cat which if anyone knows me I treat Baxter like a child. I had the same issue when trying to adopt Boxers years ago. We got turned down for various reasons. So, it almost forced us to go and buy a dog, who probably came from a puppy mill to begin with. Ok, rants over.

Girls weekend....and progress has been made!

My best friend, Laura, was here for the weekend. I had so much fun. She showed up Friday just in time for Happy Hour. We hung out at a bar and had some appetizers and drinks until it got uncomfortably smokey in there. (Only a few more days til the state is smoke free!!) Saturday we spent the day shopping which was great. I hate shopping, but it was really nice having someone there to give me their opinion. We finally decided on how to decorate the girls rooms. It involves some sewing on my part, but I think it should work. I need to make duvet covers. I'll show you the finished product, if I can do it successfully. We've vetoed the "fashion" theme and moved on to a beachy/aloha/Hawaiian theme. I think it will look cute. We also decided on paint for the basement and a general layout for down there. I really needed her advice----its now motivated me to get myself working again. Brian's working on Brandon's room today and I think I may start painting the basement a little bit as well.

Only downfall of the weekend...NOT WW friendly whatsoever. I feel a little bit bad because Laura's doing WW as well. I feel like I corrupted her. But I don't really feel bad about me eating the way I did. I didn't exactly overdo it, I just made not so good decisions. But that's okay. I had a blast eating out. And today I'm back on plan. My weigh-in is on Tuesday but I'm working for someone so that will be postponed til Wednesday night, most likely. Hopefully between now and then I'll get down at least .2 lbs just to make myself feel like this is worth it.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Roni's EatSmart Scale Giveaway Contest!

Check out Roni’s new contest! I can win a Nutrition Smart Scale from Eat Smart and so can you! Click here for details!

Stop buying workout DVDs!!!

Unless you really like them of course. But, if you're like me and get bored after doing the same video ten times, then check out your ON DEMAND channel. I have Comcast cable and found out yesterday that ON DEMAND has tons of workouts for free...The Firm, Leslie Sansone, and a bunch of others that I didn't get to check out. Free! And brand new from 2007.

Hi. My name is Sarah and I'm addicted to pizza....

and I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have a horrible (but yummy) addiction to pizza. Honestly, I could eat it everyday, probably for both lunch and supper and maybe a snack in between. It usually has to be floppy pizza with a good sauce. Don't let me kid you, I'll eat crappy stuff too. I can't really recall hating a pizza so much that I refused to eat it. Actually, that's a lie. There's a place in Providence RI that Brian and I went to that it was so bad we walked out of, but we ended up at the pizza place down the street. But anyway, I'm not the only one with an addiction. Caroline and Roni both came clean about their addictions as well. For some reason, that makes me feel better.

In college I started calling myself "Fat Girl." Its actually kind of ironic because that name started long before I ever got fat. Primarily, I hung out with guys and lets face it, guys can eat. We went one for one on beers and shots, so it seemed only natural to go one for one on everything else. We could devour a pizza in no time, cheese steaks and fries went down like nothing and salads didn't exist. There was no such thing as leftovers. The difference is, at that time our competition for eating and drink extended to the basketball court. We played almost everyday. Being one of only two girls that played at the time, I wasn't going to let the guys think I couldn't keep up. I burned a lot of calories. At some point in all of that I called myself "Fat Girl." I think it came about because I joked that I could eat like a fat girl, but I didn't gain weight. That was until I met my now ex-husband. Karma's a bitch.

First off, let me say its not my ex's fault that I became fat girl. Relationships being what they are, when I started dating him I stopped hanging out with my other friends. He wasn't really athletic so my sports and exercising went by the wayside, but I kept up with the eating. We loved to eat. My weight went up gradually, but nothing extreme. Enter my accident and other stressors and the non-ability to control/deal with it, I ate. I don't think my ex has any idea just how much I ate---I'd sneak downstairs in the middle of the night after a bad dream, or stop at a bunch of fast food places....anyway, enter Karma and poof! I was 240 lbs in no time and the "fat girl" I used to joke about.

My foods of choice were Chinese, fries, well, actually anything fried, and pizza. Living in the DC area at the time, pizza and Chinese food were everywhere. Open 24 hours it was like it was calling my name. If the thought of pizza popped in my head, I could have it in 30 minutes or less. On my first go round of WW, pizza wasn't really an option. It was too tempting. Once I hit and stayed at 175 for however ever many years it was, I started back on the pizza regimen. It wasn't horrible, just now and again. But my addiction came back big time after a while. It went from once a week to almost everyday. Its just such a convenient food.

I went to PA for my best friends wedding in August '06. I fit in my dress before I left MD. For the 2 or 3 days before the wedding I did nothing but eat pizza. The pizza up there is a different style then I can get in Baltimore so in my head it made sense to eat as much as I could because once I got back to MD, I wouldn't be able to eat it again. The downfall was the bridesmaid dress didn't agree with that thinking. The day of Laura's wedding, I had to keep pulling down my dress as it rode up my hips. Pathetic.

Even then, it didn't really hit me just how much pizza I ate. All of my partners at work know its in their best interest to keep me fed and a diet Pepsi (preferably fountain with no ice) at my side. If the caffeine level dropped or my tummy started grumbling, evil Sarah was on her way out. I used to be partners with Christy. She only ate one or two times a day and only ate three or four things: Honey Nut Cheerios with with a glass of milk on the side (because plain Cheerios apparently are gross), steak and fries, chicken tenders or potato chips with American cheese. We didn't really indulge in many meals together. But then I was assigned to a partner at work who liked to eat as much as I did. Working with Mike is when "Fat Girl" came back. I ate as much as he did. Mike joked around about everything, so me calling myself Fat Girl was no big deal. No one thought I was "fat" per se, but I knew this Fat Girl was not the same as the Fat Girl in college. This time around I wasn't making fun of fat girls, I was a former fat girl who's still had real issues with food and controlling my weight. But joking around calling myself "Fat Girl" was my cover to making it okay to eat.

At any time of day I could mention any kind of junk food to Mike and he was in. Chinese, lets go. Pizza, no problem. So, it wasn't until Mike started dating his girlfriend that I knew I had to get a hold of myself. I mentioned pizza one day to him for a meal and he said, "OK I'll take you, but I'm going to eat my yogurt." What!? A freaking yogurt?! What happened to the one for one, anytime anywhere? Ugh, it was like he cheated on me. With a yogurt! I couldn't believe it. Month after month I saw him change himself. Its amazing the power his girlfriend had over him. I'm not saying she made him lose weight but it made me realize how much your environment influences you. She ate a little now he did too. He started working out, stopped smoking, and the weight fell off. I was so jealous, but at the same time thrilled for him. But I missed the lets eat whatever whenever Mike. Shortly after that, I got transferred to a new station. Things got a little less hectic in my life and I realized I needed to make some changes for the better. Just to feel a little better and little healthier.

That's when I ended up back at WW. I've stopped and started many times over the last 7 months or so. The joke at work was I did WW til about 5pm and then it was all over. But it wasn't til I went to a meeting then didn't go to another until 2 weeks later. In that time I gained something like 4 pounds. I sat back and reviewed those two weeks and knew I had to start journaling my food intake and cutting back on pizza. I ate pizza almost everyday for 2 weeks straight. It kinda made me sick to think of it. So, now I'm back to the what should be a national holiday: Pizza Monday. It started because Jerry's Subs and Pizza sell a large pizza for $5 on Mondays. It was a cheap meal for 2 at work. Having Pizza Monday helps keeps me on track. I can eat "floppy" pizza on Monday's only. The rest of the meals have to be non-pizza every other day of the week. I do have pizza for some lunches during the week but they have to be a lean cuisine or Healthy Choice. No restaurant pizzeria type or I'll overdo it. Roni's blog has a paragraph or so from an article she read saying we eat things because smells and stuff remind us of a happy time. And restaurant floppy pizza takes me to many happy places. That's why I have to steer clear.

You know, it wasn't until I started typing this post that I realized, I don't think I've said "Fat Girls hungry" in a long time. I guess maybe my thinking has changed.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Fashion, diva bedding.

Anyone have any ideas where to find shopping or fashion themed kids bedding? I'm having a hard time finding stuff. I found one comforter I liked that Target sells, but they are out of stock of twin size and only have full size sheets.

Friday, January 18, 2008

I'm an artist and don't even know it.

Brandon saw his "solar system" picture for his room for the first time today. He's convinced I painted it for him, even though I told him I didn't. I even showed him the price tag still stuck to the back and he said I just put it there so it looks like I bought it. I think he likes it :)

I snatched this

I got this from Diet Coke and Zingers who got it from Mousearoo....I felt free to snatch it, you do the same...

1. What do you absolutely love about your body?

My curves. Even though I hate them, at the same time. I just wish they were a little smaller and maybe toner in certain places so pants shopping wasn't such a pain in the you know what.

2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength?
I was always pretty athletic but I remember wrestling a guy in high school who wasn't exactly a wimp and he said I put up a good fight. Brian and I will joke around and psuedo wrestle and he tells me I'm pretty strong. Maybe he's just saying that to make me feel good but I think I'm pretty strong. Plus you should see some of the people I help lift up at work. :)

3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be?
I don't think I'm brave. On the same token, I've been in a lot of situations at work that I'm pretty sure people would never put themselves others may think thats brave. Lets put it this way....I'm more brave to go someplace to take care of someone shot while someone is still on scene shooting a gun then I am to wear a bikini without trying to cover up at a pool.

4. When did your self-control blow you away?
In 2001 when I lost weight in my first round of WW. There was a period of time where while working weekend nights in an ER, I never ever ordered any type of bad carryout when everyone else was. That was a big deal for me. During that time, I never had a "gain" week. Now, if I could just completely get that self control back :)

5. What is your proudest moment ever?
Around the time of my seperation/divorce when I realized just how strong and independent I was.

6. When was the last time you felt absolutely beautiful?
Yeah, thats a major issue for me. I don't really feel beautiful. Brian tells me I am all the time. I'm pretty sure his "beautiful" view of me is the "whole" me---b*tchy side and all...not looks. I think a lot of girls forget that and take "beauty" as just whats on the outside. I have a hard time looking at the good side of things of me. I seem to only notice the not so good stuff.

7. Why do you deserve to meet your goals?
Because I worked hard for all of them. There's nothing like realizing all the hell you put yourself through was actually worth it.

Sometimes you gotta stand back and look at the big picture...

I weighed in today. I lost 2.6 pounds. That brings me to a total of 4.8 since starting back on plan. Its been 4 or 5 weeks and I've only lost 4.8. For about two years I've been going off and on WW depending on what food I felt like eating each day. I haven't seen the scale go down much and I've been content with it. I've gained and lost the same 4 pounds over and over again. Someone in my meeting tonight said something that made me look at the big picture.

I have completely changed since my first WW meeting in November 2001. At that meeting I was about 240 pounds. Now I'm 167.8. That is 72.2 pounds total lost. I haven't gained it back. Sometimes I forget that. WW may have given me the tools to help me change my way about eating but in reality, it taught me to learn why I eat. I'm one of those people who eat when their tired or hungry. Its game on when I'm stressed. I think I mentioned before I was in a bad accident in August of 2000. I blame a lot of things on that accident. My 65-70 pound weight gain, my attitude, my personality. It was a life changing event. But what WW has taught me is that no matter how bad things can get, turning to food is not going to change anything. It may be a comfort for the moment but in the big picture, the eventual weight gain added to all the other stress. I know now that the accident was not the cause of my issues. I had plenty of other stuff going on at that point in my life and the year following. But, I didn't know how to deal with that overall stress.

Its been over seven years since the accident. I'm still not an expert in dealing with stress. I've had quite a lot of it over the past 3 years. And it wasn't til tonight that I realized that I haven't gained. There's that 4 pounds I keep gaining and losing, but I didn't gain 72 pounds. I have learned to control my emotions and obviously do a better job of handling stress. There's something to be said for that. Its easy to b*tch and complain about the here and now but I think we all forget to stand back and take a look at the big picture to see how far we've come....whether its WW, some sort of addiction, relationships, work, school, etc.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

This might strike a nerve with someone...

Sometimes I wish I had a job or a study---I guess it is probably psych or sociology related--to figure out why people do the things they do. Like why some people have so much pride in their job or whatever it is they do and others are content being total loads. How some people are okay abusing the system while they know others who really deserve it aren't getting whatever "it" is (food, money, housing, health care, etc.) How can you knowingly ask for more when you know you've gotten well more than you already deserve? Isn't there a point or an age where you want to stop asking for handouts? And isn't there a point where you realize everyone is talking s*&t about you?

This isn't an undercover post directed at anyone in particular. I'm just sitting here wondering where I went wrong in a few aspects of my life (that's sarcastic, by the way.) How did I get pride and morals to do the right thing (most of the time) and to do at least the minimum of what I'm expected to do at work. Plenty of others are out there doing diddly and getting paid probably a whole lot more for it. I've run into people who are literally dying and can't get medical supplies because someone else scammed the insurance company. One 40ish year old lady I ran a year ago couldn't manage the pain from her terminal cancer because someone figured out her pain meds were delivered by mail and repeatedly stole them out of her mailbox. On top of that, she had to keep calling us because the insurance company wouldn't give the home health nurse an extra suction unit after hers broke. She had throat cancer and had a tracheostomy. She obviously needed the suction unit to survive. I ran into this woman on a bench outside a Walmart a week before Xmas '06. She was crying and said she remembered me. I didn't recognize her---she lost 100 + pounds in 2 months. I asked how she was doing and she said she was still in pain and people were still stealing her stuff. Instead of being able to suction herself she had to cough up stuff (sorry for the visual), but her biggest issue was she was mad because her 8 year old son had to witness all of it and knew it was only a matter of time til she died. She was afraid he was going to grow up without his mother and eventually "hate the system."

There are people I know who refuse to work. Some came from prominent well to do families, others think they are above it, some just don't want to, while others are perpetual students. There are people out there, like myself, who have had to bust their butts with school, work---sometimes more than one job, nights, weekends, all at one my case whatever I had to do to make sure I had a life and could be responsible for myself. But there are people out there who are 100% okay asking for money/things from whoever....actually, let me clear that up. Its not asking....asking is okay to an extent. Its the thinking that these people (and I'm not saying everyone is one of these "people." I think or at least I hope you know what kind of people I'm talking about) "deserve" or are intitled to certain things---money, health care, etc. when deep down they have to know they don't "deserve" a thing because they haven't made any effort to do anything themselves. And then, the other question is why do we as parents, governments, agencies, etc allow these people to continue? Aren't we/they just as guilty?

Granted, I know there are times that are tough and you have to swallow your pride and ask for help from others. I've had to do it, but I tried my damnedest not to. I've never used it as a crutch. I'm extremely proud to say I own a house and cars and I can do it on my own. I was happy when the time came and I was able to pay my rent and all my bills without my parents help. That pride is more important to me than any materialistic thing out there. As is my job ethic at work. No one else may notice what I do, but I do know no one is saying "shes a load."

I'm sure upbringings and environment have alot to do with how people turn out. Will that 8 year old boy grow up and feel he's "owed" something because his mom got screwed over by multiple agencies/people when he was young? Does he deserve that right? Maybe he does. At 9, I still had my mom. I'm pretty confident at 9, he didn't. I didn't watch my mom try to keep things as normal as possible for me, knowing she was dying a slow painful death. Would he have had another year with her if things went the way they were supposed to (meds, medical supplies, no insurance issues...)?

Some of you reading this may completely disagree with me on some of this. Like I said, this is a very general post---its not intended to bash anyone in particular. I guess overall, in my opinion, you're life should have, water, shelter, etc. Sometimes you have to be grateful for what you have and don't always ask for more. There are people out there who would give their left arm to have a quarter of what you've got. I have a townhouse....don't get me wrong...I'd love an old single family house, but its not realistic. And I'm not going to ask someone else for a handout just because I want something bigger or fancier. Do those people who have to have the fancy cars and houses with no furniture because they can't afford them....are they covering up some other insecurity? Those that feel they are "owed" something---do they deserve it? Why are people so afraid to call out these abusers? As far as work...I haven't figured that one out yet. I've tried to be a load for one shift and I can't do it. How do you? And, why do you?

And with that, I'm done. Pray for a quiet night at work. Ha. Sarah made a funny.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bad: Eating out. Good: Decor finds.

I'm mildly frustrated with myself. I did awesome on WW this past week...until yesterday. Brian and I went to a class for work yesterday and today. On the way down we stopped for some breakfast at Chickfila. I was moody and ate more than I should of (but definitely less than in the past) and overdid it a little, but I wasn't worried because I brought my lunch and knew I was still within my points range. Lunchtime came and everyone was going out so I ended up going out (they pulled me by the hair and made me go) and had the most fabulous burger and fries. I wasn't supposed to eat that. I was supposed to eat my turkey with light Miracle Whip, but they ordered it for me just the way I like it, strapped me to the chair and shoved the food down my throat. I could barely even chew it. Those bastards!! After class we found ourselves at Chevy's with another couple we are friends with and that sent the day spiraling down quickly. I think I probably ate a weeks worth of points in one day.

Today I guess was better, but not as good as I'd like. I didn't weigh in this week and probably won't because of work. I stepped on the scale at home and it didn't move too much from last week's weight. Its just frustrating that 1 1/2 days of ignorance could screw up almost 5 days of work. Oh well. No point in dwelling.....moving on. I already started to pack my food for work tomorrow. I'll just start over new then.

On a side note, I'm super excited....Brian and I are decorating the rooms in my house for the kids. Brandon has a comforter he likes and wanted the rest of the room to be "outer space." I was stressing out (I stress out about stupid stuff) because I couldn't find anything that was either not too babyish or too grownup. Anyway, today I found a solar system picture that matches the comforter. Gotta love Home Goods. I'm trying to figure out what color to paint the walls. I'm torn between light blue and that greenish color (muted down a little). Now, to get the motivation to get it all done. Still working on the girls room as well. Taylor and Bella will be sharing, so we have to find a happy medium between the two. Especially since I don't want to be redecorating in a year....I think we're basing it off these two pictures. Super sale at Burlington's! I'm a bargain shopper!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Who wants to runaway with me?

Ever just want to run away to an easier life? I do....for so many reasons.

Although I'm sure at some point I'd want to run away from that one too. I'm sure the Cabana boys feeding me grapes would get on my nerves or something...

To be the old guy....

that was sitting next to me at Chick-Fil-A. I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off when all of a sudden I realized I'm starving. Then I start to freak out a little because "OMG! I'm starving and I'm on WW and I'm going to screw it up." So I take a lap around the food court realizing I'm going to be bad and then really regret it. So I walk down the hall, realizing what I really want was Cinnabon that smells oh so delicious when I run into Chick-Fil-A. I stand in line and have a mini fight with myself about what I'm about to order. I really wanted fries and chicken nuggets but my WW inner self "BE GOOD!" Inner self won when I heard "I'll have a salad and Diet Coke" come out of my mouth. What?! That's not what you want. Ugh! So, the nice lady behind the counter says "its caffeine free." Well, hell, I'm not indulging in anything tasty so I need caffeine so we make the switch to a Diet Dr. Pepper. Eventually I take my stupid salad (w/ fat free dressing) to my table and continue to argue with myself in my head about how this is NOT what I want to eat. (Any of you that have spent time with me around meals know exactly what I'm talking about.) I eat it all up, only using half the croutons, dressing and sunflower seeds. I drink up my drink to sit back and curse the WW people. Yes, they're right. I'm no longer hungry. I didn't need the fries or any deep fried deliciousness or ooey gooey cinnamon rolls. So just when I start to get over my withdrawal of junk food this cute little older than dirt man shuffles in. And he stands in line and orders, pays the girl who in return hands him an ice cream cone full of the most beautiful twist of soft serv I've ever seen. And he turns to me and smiles. At least I think he smiled. I don't think he had teeth (Ew.) so that might have just been the way his gummy lips go (ew again....side note I hope I have my teeth forever.) And then he sat there and ate up his what looked to be delicious ice cream. He had that face Bella gets when you hand her anything with chocolate. I could have that face too with something wonderful from Cinnabon. But no. I had salad with only half the fixins. Because I love (sarcasm) WW. Oh, to be the old guy.......

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I'm not sure what this is going to be about yet...

First off, WW seems to be going well this week. I've been a good girl and journaled everything I've eaten and made some pretty good choices so far. I don't know that I'll get to weigh in this week though due to schedule conflicts, but I'll try. I know my "big girl" work pants aren't snug, so thats a good sign. Maybe this year I'll make it back in my "little girl" pants.

On to a totally random do you make friends? Sounds stupid, I'm sure. But being an out of towner, who I guess after 10 years isn't so much an out of towner anymore....but how do you make friends? I have a few really close friends in PA that I grew up with, but being they are in PA (and some in RI), I obviously don't get to see them much. I have one or two from work, but of course they live at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours away from me. So, how do you make friends with people locally? I thought moving in my townhouse would maybe make that happen, but it didn't turn out that way. I'd love to have that person you call just because or the one you meet to have a girls day or the one you call when you need them to watch your kids last minute (who knows, maybe Baxter will need an urgent catsitting). I'd like that. But I'm not a really outgoing person. Nor, am I trusting. That puts a damper on the "start a conversation" process. Hell, I even thought I'd get an online friend thru this blog. Not so much. I told you---totally random subject. :)

I've still got this stupid cold. Just when I think its getting better, it smacks me with a new symptom. Today's is coughing. Not bad, nothing productive. Just enough to be annoying when you try to go to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, its 835am and I feel a perfect time to go take a nap. (I just got off work.) Tootles for now.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Cute little fishes...

For anyone interested in chicken soup for supper---I highly recommend Campbell's Goldfish version. Very cute! And delicious. (I hope mom isn't reading this. She'll be mad---I was the kid that refused to drink or eat soup or jello when I was sick.)

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Stupid Cold.

I'm sick. And whiny. OK, the latter part is normal, but at least it is mildly justified, now. I have a stupid cold. Again. I had the same thing about a month ago. I swear I think it has to do with the weather changes. I have no proof of this, but I'm going to stick with that theory. And then, there's the 15 years of dust I swept up under the steps in the basement. That probably had something to do with it. I'm at work and kinda miserable. I keep taking medicine to "dry" me out but all its doing is make me thirsty...I guess I over dried myself.

Its way too nice to be at work today. Plus, the locals find the need to start shooting each other on the first warm day of the season, which always makes work a bit more interesting. I haven't quite figured it out---but its consistent. You can always tell when the seasons change because people start shooting each other, dropping their crotch rockets and just all together doing dumb things. Where I grew up, we started planting flowers. Who says your environment has no effect on the way you turn out...

WW. Oh, WW. I'm back to hating it. My best friend and her sister are doing it again so I guess its nice to have some "friendly" competition...although its by no means a competition. I started off good, then my partner bought me a going away supper (he's getting transferred). That consisted of Qdoba. I have no idea of points values for anything on their menu. I tried to just eat half of everything (soup and quesadilla). Its back to the grocery store and cooking for me tomorrow. I ate out too many times this weekend.

What I would do for a slice of BJ's cake right now. To all others: Amy doesn't play nice and share BJs cake :) Ha. J/k. I'm very grateful she didn't give it to me because I'd be regretting that I ate it. But, if anyone is ever looking for a cake for a special (or not so special) event involving me, feel free to pick one up!

Good night for now.....

Monday, January 7, 2008

Damn BJ's cake..... not WW friendly, but so delicious. That's all I got to say about that.

I'm hoping its like the military....

I'm hoping the organization/cleaning process is something like the military----break it down then build it back up. We are most definitely nearing the complete "break it down" phase. This place looks disasterous! But, we're making progress. Brian put together his workshop bench/hutch which looks wonderful. I think we'll still need another cabinet or something fit all of it, but its definitely coming together. The finished part of the basement---well, thats in a holding pattern. We know what we want to do but its a matter of taking the first step of starting the project. We've picked out the paint, the layout, the furniture from its just up to picking a time to start that project.

This weekend was very nice. We had the kids and we made a trip to Amy and Chris' for their son's baby naming ceremony. It was very nice. I've been to a lot of baptisms over the years and they are so impersonal. This was very much the opposite. The entire family had a part in the ceremony. Amy's blog has a picture of cutie Carter all dressed up in his baby tux! :)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Just call me Martha....

I feel so domesticated. In the past 3 days I have gotten more household-y stuff accomplished than I have over the past 3 months. The house is clean (well, fairly), meals have been made (with yummy leftovers for lunches), my hot water heater has been replaced (thanks to Brian's cousin Bruce) and I'm well on my way to leading an organized life. I'm slowly but surely (and finally) organizing this house. Its amazing how much stuff you can fit in a tiny space if give it all a "home." Its not cheap though. God, I spent way more than I ever wanted to, but I think it will be worth it in the end. I'll spare you all the boring details of my organizing days, but just know, I'm on my way to achieving a resolution.

Along those lines, rooms need to be painted (re-painted). Any helpers out there? :)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy 2008!

I'm starting to feel old! :) Time is flying by. I swear it was only two years ago when everyone was freaking out about Y2K. Anyway, I hope everyone had an enjoyable New Years Eve. I, unfortunately, spent mine working. And I earned my money. We were up all night. But no use in complaining....its over now and today is going to be a nice relaxing day of napping and movie watching. Hairspray and Dreamgirls is on the agenda being as Brian is not here.

On to resolutions....well, I thought I was boycotting them this year. I think they are ridiculous most of the time. I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to the gym, blah, blah, blah. So I figured I would just skip the planning part knowing I wasn't actually going to become faithful in most of the "normal" resolutions. But then I read Mousearoo's blog and she motivated me to do some sort of resolutions. She wrote what she resolved to do last year and then how successful she was this year, along with her updated plans. And they were all reasonable....nothing extreme. They were like mini-goals. I like that idea.

I'm still doing good with my WW, so of course I'll plan on that. And I won't go as far as saying I'll go to the gym, but maybe just increase my exercise a little.

Keep the house a little cleaner---but I have to organize it first, which that process usually ends up making the place messier. Ughh!

A a little nicer. I need to sit back and determine whats really worth stressing myself out about. Some stuff I have no control over so instead of freaking out about it, I need to just move on. Anyone who knows me is very well aware when I get stressed, I get mildly evil. So I'm going to work on un-eviling (new word '08?) myself and looking at things more optimistically.

My final resolution is to get more sleep. That goes hand in hand with the evilness too...especially at night at work. My poor partners. In the last few weeks I've really worked on the sleep issue and its amazing how much better your day goes when your not tired.

Oh, one more....drink my stupid water. :(