Hi. My name is Sarah and I'm addicted to pizza....

and I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have a horrible (but yummy) addiction to pizza. Honestly, I could eat it everyday, probably for both lunch and supper and maybe a snack in between. It usually has to be floppy pizza with a good sauce. Don't let me kid you, I'll eat crappy stuff too. I can't really recall hating a pizza so much that I refused to eat it. Actually, that's a lie. There's a place in Providence RI that Brian and I went to that it was so bad we walked out of, but we ended up at the pizza place down the street. But anyway, I'm not the only one with an addiction. Caroline and Roni both came clean about their addictions as well. For some reason, that makes me feel better.

In college I started calling myself "Fat Girl." Its actually kind of ironic because that name started long before I ever got fat. Primarily, I hung out with guys and lets face it, guys can eat. We went one for one on beers and shots, so it seemed only natural to go one for one on everything else. We could devour a pizza in no time, cheese steaks and fries went down like nothing and salads didn't exist. There was no such thing as leftovers. The difference is, at that time our competition for eating and drink extended to the basketball court. We played almost everyday. Being one of only two girls that played at the time, I wasn't going to let the guys think I couldn't keep up. I burned a lot of calories. At some point in all of that I called myself "Fat Girl." I think it came about because I joked that I could eat like a fat girl, but I didn't gain weight. That was until I met my now ex-husband. Karma's a bitch.

First off, let me say its not my ex's fault that I became fat girl. Relationships being what they are, when I started dating him I stopped hanging out with my other friends. He wasn't really athletic so my sports and exercising went by the wayside, but I kept up with the eating. We loved to eat. My weight went up gradually, but nothing extreme. Enter my accident and other stressors and the non-ability to control/deal with it, I ate. I don't think my ex has any idea just how much I ate---I'd sneak downstairs in the middle of the night after a bad dream, or stop at a bunch of fast food places....anyway, enter Karma and poof! I was 240 lbs in no time and the "fat girl" I used to joke about.

My foods of choice were Chinese, fries, well, actually anything fried, and pizza. Living in the DC area at the time, pizza and Chinese food were everywhere. Open 24 hours it was like it was calling my name. If the thought of pizza popped in my head, I could have it in 30 minutes or less. On my first go round of WW, pizza wasn't really an option. It was too tempting. Once I hit and stayed at 175 for however ever many years it was, I started back on the pizza regimen. It wasn't horrible, just now and again. But my addiction came back big time after a while. It went from once a week to almost everyday. Its just such a convenient food.

I went to PA for my best friends wedding in August '06. I fit in my dress before I left MD. For the 2 or 3 days before the wedding I did nothing but eat pizza. The pizza up there is a different style then I can get in Baltimore so in my head it made sense to eat as much as I could because once I got back to MD, I wouldn't be able to eat it again. The downfall was the bridesmaid dress didn't agree with that thinking. The day of Laura's wedding, I had to keep pulling down my dress as it rode up my hips. Pathetic.

Even then, it didn't really hit me just how much pizza I ate. All of my partners at work know its in their best interest to keep me fed and a diet Pepsi (preferably fountain with no ice) at my side. If the caffeine level dropped or my tummy started grumbling, evil Sarah was on her way out. I used to be partners with Christy. She only ate one or two times a day and only ate three or four things: Honey Nut Cheerios with with a glass of milk on the side (because plain Cheerios apparently are gross), steak and fries, chicken tenders or potato chips with American cheese. We didn't really indulge in many meals together. But then I was assigned to a partner at work who liked to eat as much as I did. Working with Mike is when "Fat Girl" came back. I ate as much as he did. Mike joked around about everything, so me calling myself Fat Girl was no big deal. No one thought I was "fat" per se, but I knew this Fat Girl was not the same as the Fat Girl in college. This time around I wasn't making fun of fat girls, I was a former fat girl who's still had real issues with food and controlling my weight. But joking around calling myself "Fat Girl" was my cover to making it okay to eat.

At any time of day I could mention any kind of junk food to Mike and he was in. Chinese, lets go. Pizza, no problem. So, it wasn't until Mike started dating his girlfriend that I knew I had to get a hold of myself. I mentioned pizza one day to him for a meal and he said, "OK I'll take you, but I'm going to eat my yogurt." What!? A freaking yogurt?! What happened to the one for one, anytime anywhere? Ugh, it was like he cheated on me. With a yogurt! I couldn't believe it. Month after month I saw him change himself. Its amazing the power his girlfriend had over him. I'm not saying she made him lose weight but it made me realize how much your environment influences you. She ate a little healthier...so now he did too. He started working out, stopped smoking, and the weight fell off. I was so jealous, but at the same time thrilled for him. But I missed the lets eat whatever whenever Mike. Shortly after that, I got transferred to a new station. Things got a little less hectic in my life and I realized I needed to make some changes for the better. Just to feel a little better and little healthier.

That's when I ended up back at WW. I've stopped and started many times over the last 7 months or so. The joke at work was I did WW til about 5pm and then it was all over. But it wasn't til I went to a meeting then didn't go to another until 2 weeks later. In that time I gained something like 4 pounds. I sat back and reviewed those two weeks and knew I had to start journaling my food intake and cutting back on pizza. I ate pizza almost everyday for 2 weeks straight. It kinda made me sick to think of it. So, now I'm back to the what should be a national holiday: Pizza Monday. It started because Jerry's Subs and Pizza sell a large pizza for $5 on Mondays. It was a cheap meal for 2 at work. Having Pizza Monday helps keeps me on track. I can eat "floppy" pizza on Monday's only. The rest of the meals have to be non-pizza every other day of the week. I do have pizza for some lunches during the week but they have to be a lean cuisine or Healthy Choice. No restaurant pizzeria type or I'll overdo it. Roni's blog has a paragraph or so from an article she read saying we eat things because smells and stuff remind us of a happy time. And restaurant floppy pizza takes me to many happy places. That's why I have to steer clear.

You know, it wasn't until I started typing this post that I realized, I don't think I've said "Fat Girls hungry" in a long time. I guess maybe my thinking has changed.