This might strike a nerve with someone...

Sometimes I wish I had a job or a study---I guess it is probably psych or sociology related--to figure out why people do the things they do. Like why some people have so much pride in their job or whatever it is they do and others are content being total loads. How some people are okay abusing the system while they know others who really deserve it aren't getting whatever "it" is (food, money, housing, health care, etc.) How can you knowingly ask for more when you know you've gotten well more than you already deserve? Isn't there a point or an age where you want to stop asking for handouts? And isn't there a point where you realize everyone is talking s*&t about you?

This isn't an undercover post directed at anyone in particular. I'm just sitting here wondering where I went wrong in a few aspects of my life (that's sarcastic, by the way.) How did I get pride and morals to do the right thing (most of the time) and to do at least the minimum of what I'm expected to do at work. Plenty of others are out there doing diddly and getting paid probably a whole lot more for it. I've run into people who are literally dying and can't get medical supplies because someone else scammed the insurance company. One 40ish year old lady I ran a year ago couldn't manage the pain from her terminal cancer because someone figured out her pain meds were delivered by mail and repeatedly stole them out of her mailbox. On top of that, she had to keep calling us because the insurance company wouldn't give the home health nurse an extra suction unit after hers broke. She had throat cancer and had a tracheostomy. She obviously needed the suction unit to survive. I ran into this woman on a bench outside a Walmart a week before Xmas '06. She was crying and said she remembered me. I didn't recognize her---she lost 100 + pounds in 2 months. I asked how she was doing and she said she was still in pain and people were still stealing her stuff. Instead of being able to suction herself she had to cough up stuff (sorry for the visual), but her biggest issue was she was mad because her 8 year old son had to witness all of it and knew it was only a matter of time til she died. She was afraid he was going to grow up without his mother and eventually "hate the system."

There are people I know who refuse to work. Some came from prominent well to do families, others think they are above it, some just don't want to, while others are perpetual students. There are people out there, like myself, who have had to bust their butts with school, work---sometimes more than one job, nights, weekends, all at one time...in my case whatever I had to do to make sure I had a life and could be responsible for myself. But there are people out there who are 100% okay asking for money/things from whoever....actually, let me clear that up. Its not asking....asking is okay to an extent. Its the thinking that these people (and I'm not saying everyone is one of these "people." I think or at least I hope you know what kind of people I'm talking about) "deserve" or are intitled to certain things---money, health care, etc. when deep down they have to know they don't "deserve" a thing because they haven't made any effort to do anything themselves. And then, the other question is why do we as parents, governments, agencies, etc allow these people to continue? Aren't we/they just as guilty?

Granted, I know there are times that are tough and you have to swallow your pride and ask for help from others. I've had to do it, but I tried my damnedest not to. I've never used it as a crutch. I'm extremely proud to say I own a house and cars and I can do it on my own. I was happy when the time came and I was able to pay my rent and all my bills without my parents help. That pride is more important to me than any materialistic thing out there. As is my job ethic at work. No one else may notice what I do, but I do know no one is saying "shes a load."

I'm sure upbringings and environment have alot to do with how people turn out. Will that 8 year old boy grow up and feel he's "owed" something because his mom got screwed over by multiple agencies/people when he was young? Does he deserve that right? Maybe he does. At 9, I still had my mom. I'm pretty confident at 9, he didn't. I didn't watch my mom try to keep things as normal as possible for me, knowing she was dying a slow painful death. Would he have had another year with her if things went the way they were supposed to (meds, medical supplies, no insurance issues...)?

Some of you reading this may completely disagree with me on some of this. Like I said, this is a very general post---its not intended to bash anyone in particular. I guess overall, in my opinion, you're life should have priorities....food, water, shelter, etc. Sometimes you have to be grateful for what you have and don't always ask for more. There are people out there who would give their left arm to have a quarter of what you've got. I have a townhouse....don't get me wrong...I'd love an old single family house, but its not realistic. And I'm not going to ask someone else for a handout just because I want something bigger or fancier. Do those people who have to have the fancy cars and houses with no furniture because they can't afford them....are they covering up some other insecurity? Those that feel they are "owed" something---do they deserve it? Why are people so afraid to call out these abusers? As far as work...I haven't figured that one out yet. I've tried to be a load for one shift and I can't do it. How do you? And, why do you?

And with that, I'm done. Pray for a quiet night at work. Ha. Sarah made a funny.