Wednesday, April 30, 2008

After the re-read....

I can treat people in nasty houses with bugs crawling on them, but I can't peel my own sunburned skin without gagging. Maybe I'm the one who has issues.

An overdue late night tired at work post.

Haven't had on of these in a while....a 5am Sarah's still awake at work post. I'm going to try to be more positive today. Usually when I'm tired I vent, but I don't feel like it. So my post is going to be about weird stuff. Well, maybe its not weird to you, but it is to me. Like getting older. Weird. This year will be my 10 year reunion from high school. I'll be 28. But, I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm still 18. Not because I'm so in shape or because I'm young at heart, but because sometimes I feel like I just never grew up. I remember thinking people were "so old" when they graduated high school in another generation. Yeah, now I'm that person.

I just did a little myspace stalking (yes, I'm one of those people, but I only stalk my "friends") and found that a guy I used to sort of date in high school is now married and expecting a baby. Same goes for a few other people I graduated with. I don't know why I feel like we're not grown up enough for that yet. However, I don't know what my problem is because this is coming from the girl who married at 21 or 22 and is divorced and in another serious relationship with 3 kids. But its okay for me. Just weird for anyone else to do anything grown up. Sometimes I really miss high school. If I could go back to stressing about the things I used to stress about my life would be ... well, a lot less stressful. And I'd do things differently like get my papers written long before they were ever due instead of starting them at 10pm the night before. And I'd go to bed before 2am. I'd still play basketball as much as I did, but I would never stop. If someone from the future could have sent me a picture of my fat ass now (before everyone starts commenting, I mean that in a loving sarcastic way) I never would have stopped running around.

On a completely different subject, even though I really don't want to be here, I had a good day at work. I had a cool call. It made me feel like Meredith on Gray's Anatomy (which, by the way, I have a slight addiction to--Gray's, not Meredith.) Plus I got the neurosurgeon (ironic in my Gray's analogy--can you say McDreamy---except he was very un-McDreamy like) to let me go into surgery. Ok, so I don't think he really was going to let me into brain surgery but my smart ass self got a brain surgeon to laugh and tell me I could scrub into brain surgery so I was pretty happy. Stupid, I know, but its the little things that get me thru 24 hours. But that event only lasted about an hour and then I went back to my boring day of work. Public service announcement of the day: If you're diabetic, please check your blood sugar. It seems that everyone I took to the hospital yesterday and today had a blood sugar of over 500 which isn't good. Not a single one of them called for diabetic problems. And with that, the PSA is over. Thanks for listening.

Alright. So I think I've run out of things to write. Thanks for bearing with my boring post for the day but like I said I'm tired at work. But on the bright side it was a pretty upbeat post.

Oh, another exciting achievement: I think I'm getting over my fear of roaches. Yeppers, exciting isn't it? I used to freak out when I went into a house with them, but I did very well today treating my man with bugs on him. I just did the "roach stomp" outside to make sure none climbed up my pantlegs and I was good to go. Sometimes I wonder why I do this job. :)

Monday, April 28, 2008


Did I mention right up there with feet and dentures on my 'things I hate' list is peely (I dont know if that is even a word) skin? Yep it is and I have peely skin from my sunburn. I'm grossing myself out. Ew.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Getting back on track

I weighed in yesterday and it wasn't pretty. Up about 6 lbs since last weigh in which was earlier this month. Boo :( But on the bright side I've been pretty much on plan yesterday and so far today. I've decided I need to adjust the plan a little....I can't do the 35 extra points. Don't get me wrong, I NEED them, however I can't trust myself to have 35 extra points floating around. They are too easy for me to use and abuse. So, I've decided to use 5 extra points a day. Well, not everyday, but use a range per day like the old program (when I lost weight the first time around) had. Now, instead of eating 23 points a day, I'll use 23-28 a day.

I did well yesterday. I'm starting to go back to stuff I did years iced tea, fruit as snacks, popped at bag of 94% FF popcorn and put it in a freezer bag to carry around all day... my biggest feat of the day: in an extremely stressful moment I didn't eat. The moment seemed to drag on much longer but instead of eating it away, I confronted the issue head on and dealt with it that way. I still wanted a snack, but opted out. I did wake up in the middle of the night, I swear STARVING. I drank two glasses of water and had a 1 point oatmeal bar from WW and went back to bed. In the past that could easily be a 15 point event.

Speaking of food, if you haven't tried them, get Egg Beaters with a little yolk. Its 2 points for 1/2 cup (2 egg equivalent) of the stuff. Its great. So much more flavorful than normal Egg Beaters, but still much healthier than regular eggs. Also, I picked up sweet and salty bars (or whatever they're called) for 2 points and oatmeal 1 point bars at my meeting yesterday. They are good. I just wish they weren't so expensive!

I never made it to the gym, however, I did play a little basketball (OK it was really dribbling around) and monkey in the middle with the kids. Later, Brian and I went to a local nursery and had someone design a landscape scheme for the front of the house. When we got home we planted everything--it looks great. Just what the house needed. Brian's at Lowe's now getting some paint for the bedroom. Hopefully that project will get started soon.

My newest goal: get the scrub pants I'm wearing to feel loose (too big) again.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Annie's Playground Pictures

Pictures of the kids at Annie's Playground last Friday.

Bella & Sydney

Bella & Brandon at Imagination Station

Uncle Rick & Brandon on the monkey bars

Me pushing Bella & Sydney on the swings

Ok, so its not him at the playground, but Ryan was sleeping the whole time. This pictures cuter anyway.
Brandon & Sydney hiding.

All three on the way out.

Getting ready to leave.

Aunt Amy, Sydney & Carter in his awesome floppy hat.

Uncle Chris and Brandon. At least he knows this kid on his lap. Another random kid crawled up on his lap to look in at the baby sleeping.

Pictures from the cruise

On the way out the door for the muster drill.

Me and Big Black Dick in Grand Cayman.
(He's a pirate, get your mind out of the gutter)

Midnight buffet/Pool party fruit display.
The shot......and the unexpected massage.
In the cocktail lounge.

Formal dinner and Brian's birthday cake surprise.

The Sexiest Women on the ship.

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Definitely not a lucky number. Actually a very unlucky number. Especially 13.8. I stepped on the scale this afternoon when we finally made it home. Now this isn't an official WW weigh-in, but my scale is usually pretty accurate---sometimes even a little less than WW's, but the point being I gained at least 13.8 pounds since February 27. That's 13.8 pounds in less than two months. I can make all the excuses I want: stress beyond belief, no exercising, the cruise. But its just pathetic. I've come so far with my weight loss and now I'm back to 180. I told myself I wasn't going above 170, but I slowly (quickly) let it creep back in.

On the bright side, I've got a good attitude about it. Probably the best I've had in years. Probably since the first time I lost when I started at 240 pounds. This has been a pretty big wake up call for me. Its proven, yet again, I'm not one of those girls who can just eat and be skinny. I either have to eat better, exercise more or both. Probably both is a good answer. No matter what, I really want this. Not want this because I should lose, but because I really want to. I have suddenly a different outlook on things. While at Brian's grandparents house, even though it was less than a full 24 hours, we talked quite a bit with his grandfather. We went to the Chinese buffet (quite possibly the best one I've ever been to) and while Brian and I scarfed down our food because that's what we're used to doing, we watched Pop-pop enjoy every single bite. Granted we were there for about 2 hours (or so it seemed) but it was very enjoyable. I listened to him talk about how he eats a fruit platter every day for lunch and how he walked every day. It made me realize its not much different than my own grandparents. They took care of themselves and they are living very full lives in their 80s with relatively no medical problems.

I've realized this isn't about looking good. This is about being healthy. I need to go to the doctor and follow up with them. I need to eat well so I can live a long healthy life. I have a family now and want to be sure I can keep up. I don't want to look 60 when I'm 40. My job ages people, especially women, horribly. I want to be oddball. I want to look my age of 44 (or younger) when I retire. I want to make it to retirement after 20 years, not because of an injury after just 5 or 10.

So, this is for me. WW and working out. Its going to be some work, but I've got the best attitude I've had in years, honestly. I'm looking forward to it. I just hope I have support and encouragement on my bad days.

And with that, I'm off to eat Pizza Casserole (WW Friendly) so Brian can go pick up our luggage which was left behind at BWI. Adios!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

We're back....cont'd.

Where to start.....I have a few minutes before leaving for the famous Ft. Lauderdale Chinese buffet so I figured I'll start typing what I'm sure will end up being a massive blog when its all done and over with.

Saturday we got up at the crack ass of dawn and headed down to BWI for our flight to Ft. Lauderdale. Everything went well there. We ended up being the super early dorks sitting in line to get on the ship about three hours before we even were allowed to. We were #2 and #3 getting aboard around 11am. A guy we nicknamed "New York" who travel solo and wore dark heavy jeans, black sneaks, a muscle shirt (w/o muscles) and a set of headphones that looked like he should be operating a jackhammer or something beat us into the #1 position. I think we could have tripped him or something to get that spot on the way up the ramp, but really I guess it was unnecessary. We wandered around and people watched --- lots of people watching and nickname giving was had on this trip. I'll try to get into that later.

Eventually we got to our stateroom, which was a little more than a cave. I can't complain, really. It was dark and cool and made for a great nights sleep. Well, except for the part where they forgot to put our beds together....then around midnight when we were ready to go to sleep the half-a$$ed it (we didn't realize that til the last night) so we had a gap between us for the whole trip. We should have just kept the beds apart because we slept no where near each other. The bathroom....oh the bathroom. Very, very tiny. I don't know how some people get in the shower. It was like 3 ft by 3 ft hexagon. The water pressure was surprisingly great---except that doesn't feel good when you have a sunburn. That was my first experience with suction toilets. That first flush really catches you off guard. After the muster drill Brian and I went for a couples hot stone massage. He has wanted a couples massage forever and I wanted a hot stone massage so we decided to combine it and start our trip off right. I was pissed that I got the little bitty girl thinking she wasn't going to give me a good massage. I don't know if she got a step ladder to get up there and start rubbing but Holy Hell, there were times I thought I was going to cry. It was wonderful. I suggest hot stones to everyone. It was fantastic. Anyway, we finally made it to our first "dinner." It was good. I don't remember what we had but it was good overall. We had two couples at our table. Conveniently, there were 3 birthdays being celebrated on the 20th, formal night. At first we thought we were really going to hit it off with the one couple from Florida but that kinda fizzled out halfway through the trip when we didn't drink/party quite as much as them. They were still nice, but not like I thought it was going to be. The couple from Nashville (oh how excited was I....the husband was originally from New Zealand.....accents everywhere!!) were nice but kinda quiet and subdued.

Day two we ended up at the pool. I even tried to go workout. I shouldn't say tried, I actually did go workout. But it wasn't easy. Apparently everyone else was trying to as well and it was a pain in the butt. There just wasn't enough equipment or room for that matter. I ended up back out at the pool to lay out and go figure I got a sunburn. And it wasn't an all over sunburn it was a "Sarah doesn't know how to put spray sunscreen" sunburn. It was a cute strip, like a Miss America sash, that went from my left shoulder to my right thigh. It hit all the wonderful, painful creases in between. I was miserable. Good decision on scheduling the hot stone massage the night before. That night was formal night. The food was again good and the birthday people got some slices of cake and a song.

Day three we went to Grand Cayman. We slept in so we didn't do any excursions. The last tender back to the ship was at 330pm, so that didn't leave a lot of time. We ate some food and walked around but came back to lay out at the pool before all the seats were gone. I think that night was the most fun....they had a pool party at night and that was what I thought a cruise was going to be like. Up till that point I was a little disappointed, I guess. There wasn't a lot of entertainment, at least the stuff we want. I thought there were more contests and stuff---stuff to get people involved, but it didn't seem like it. While I'm on the topic of complaining for a lack of better words, we weren't overly impressed with the staff. People went on and on about how great it was supposed to be, and it was just okay. I expected to be showered with hellos and how are yous and can I get you anythings and it seemed at times we had to pull teeth just to get a little help. Once we got someones attention they were fine, but no one was really outgoing. Our waitress, Armie, and our assistant waiter, Sven were awesome. Armie was from the Phillipines and Sven was from Belgium. Sven was a cross between Danon and Kerper (for those of you who know them). Dinner got to be very entertaining. We found a great bartender, Casanova (who definitely lives up to his name with the ladies). Anyone going on Enchantment of the Seas, find him and tip him and he'll be your friend for the duration. :)

OK, where was I? Oh, the pool party. So our friend Casanova must have forgotten to wash his hands or something because by the next day Brian wasn't feeling well. Must have caught a bug from the vodka he poured. Ha. Whatever dude. While I was dressed up and ready to go, Brian wasn't doing so hot. Our trip to Cozumel was pretty uneventful but a nice relief to get off the boat. He finally was feeling better around 3pm but there was really not much to do on the ship. We weren't real happy with that. By the end of the night we were in the room watching the 2nd National Treasure movie (good by the way) and made it an early night.

By the last day we had enough. We were ready for home. Although the food was good and we ate way too much of it (bad WW) we were ready for a home cooked meal. I was craving a diet Pepsi but couldn't bring myself to spend as much as they were charging for a soda. I did have two at 1/2 Senor Frogs (Brian's illness didn't make it very worthwhile to trek over to Carlos N Charles). I did have a Sex on the Beach shot there which I didn't realize you get a free massage there with it...(photos to follow...maybe tomorrow or Saturday). I was glad to feel it wasn't just me. Everyone at our table at dinner was very happy to leave. I miss my bed and I miss Bastard cat. I really miss my bed though.

Overall it was a nice getaway. I don't know that I'd rush to do another cruise in the near future. I do know that I know have pretty strict criteria for the next one, even if it means spending more upfront money. I think "relaxing" to me is napping in the afternoon with the breeze blowing and quiet, not a bunch of screaming kids. I do think a cruise is good while having kids aboard, because really, there are only so many places they could go. I've only been to one resort, St. Lucia and that was for 11 days. Just like anything else, it has its pluses and minuses. I don't know if I have an ideal tropical vacation, but I'm willing to try other stuff. I think I want Hawaii. That would be nice. Expensive, though, I'm sure. I still really enjoy a city trip. If there was a city trip with a warm pool and a view that would be even better.

Now we are relaxing at Bri's grandparents which really is a nice change. Tomorrow life is back to normal. I never thought I'd want that, especially a week ago. Just goes to show how structured our lives can get. And if I bitch about my job, I have to remember what its like to work on a cruise ship. Ten hour days, seven days a week, six months straight for tips. No wonder they weren't all overly friendly. They're probably tired.

OK, off for Chinese deliciousness. Tomorrow starts WW, which surprisingly I'm looking forward to. I definitely gained, although I'm not sure I want to know how much. I also learned how important it is to be comfortable on these trips. Cotton and stretch is my friend. Oh, so WW....yeppers, starts tomorrow. I can't wait to cook again. And I decided on getting a personal trainer. I'm looking at a new gym, since I hate Bally's. Maybe Merritt in Canton or Towson or there is a good looking one in Bel Air that seems like we can get the kids into as well.

That's all for now. I'll have my people watching story and pictures soon.

Good to be back......

We're home.

Well, not home home, but home enough. We're off the ship, although we feel like we're floating along---walking all crooked and whatnot. Anyway, we're in Ft. Lauderdale for the day with Brian's grandparents. I should have a full recap of the last few days on here tonight or tomorrow when I get some time. Probably tomorrow....we'll be back in Baltimore then. Thank God. I really miss my bed and, of course, Bastard cat.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Nothing to tell.

So, its been a while. But I really have nothing to write. I've led a pretty uneventful life lately these days. I worked lots last week, got stuff ready for the cruise and now Brian's family is in town, so we've been visiting with them. Our niece, Sydney, slept over last night. I swear she's 5 going on 40. She really does have one of the most unique personalities I've ever encountered. And, I thought I made some faces....this girl's got me beat hands down. God bless her parents when she's a teen.

We made plans to visit them in Arizona. We're supposedly doing a day trip to San Diego to go to Lego Land. I'm not a Lego freak so, although I'm not opposed to going to the park (I think it will be neat), I'm much more excited to go to San Diego, overall. That's the only trip I was ever on that I didn't want to come home from.

I have no idea if I'm ready for the cruise, packing wise. I've got so much to do and not a lot of time. I guess today's going to be the day to figure that all out. As for WW....we're just not going to talk about it. Bad. No counting, no real attempt actually. But for some reason I'm okay with it. I don't know why. Clothes still fit, so I'm okay. I worked out yesterday, which was a change. I did 30 minutes of cardio at the training academy at work. I have intentions of doing something today, even if its just running around with the kids. And Brian and I are going to workout on the cruise. I actually believe that may happen. Maybe all I need is the view of the ocean to get me moving. Going to be hard pressed to find a gym with that great a view. Seriously, we're on a mission to find a "good" gym. We both belong to Bally's in White Marsh, and to be honest, I absolutely hate it. I hate everything about it. The smell, the view, the people, the crowds, everything. I can't imagine why I don't want to go there. I'm looking for something much better and I'm even willing to drive a little ways to get to it. When I went to Univ of Maryland, I was at their Rec Center everyday. I loved it. Now, I run calls at the Sports and Learning Complex adjacent to Redskins Field/FexEd Stadium....if I lived closer, I'd be a member there in a heartbeat. So, that's my new mission when we get back. Find a gym. I think its going to be ironic if we get into the workout mind frame from going on a vacation.

Unless something interesting happens today, I'm sure this will be my last post til I return from the cruise. I'm sure I'll have stories to tell! :)

Friday, April 11, 2008


I'm finding my way out of my funk. Thank God. It feels like its been forever coming. Things aren't perfect, but I think I've at least got a better attitude. I'm realizing life is pretty much all about about accepting what has already happened or what can't be changed in life, overcoming and moving on. Yeah for me! And it couldn't come at a better time.....I'm now looking forward to the next week or two....

Here's what's in store for the next two weeks. We have kids this weekend. My sister is coming down to visit the kids Saturday and Sunday which I know Taylor's excited about. I don't know if the other two even know she's coming. Brandon really warmed up to Leigh (my sister). He was all excited when she came down for the girls birthday party because the two of them did science experiments. They made crystals or something and he kept telling me I had to mail her the crystals once they hardened. I felt like a drug dealer or something mailing this baggy of different colored crystals to Leigh. Like if the post office opened it they'd believe that it really was a product made from a child's science experiement. Anyway, he likes her. But for 3 days couldn't remember her name, even though we told him time and time again. He call's her "Sarah's sister" which is funny when he says it to her face. Same goes for my parents. They call them "Sarah's Mommy and Daddy." We were trying to think of nicknames they could call them. We don't want it to be awkward, because my parents obviously aren't their grandparents and my the kids aren't my parents true grandkids. My mom could probably be "Kitty" because some people call her that already. My dad...who knows. Brian thought maybe Chief. But I think they've already got their names from Bella and Brandon. Sarah's Mommy and Daddy.

I have to work Sunday. Monday and Tuesday is our last attempt to get everything together for the cruise. Later in the week, Brian's brother and sister-in-law, Rick and Holly, are visiting from Arizona for Passover. Of course, in tow will be Sydney, their daughter, and their baby son, Ryan, whom none of us have met yet. I'm excited. He looks like a cutie. Friday we're having a big day out which surprisingly I'm looking forward to. I don't want that to come off the wrong way, but a lot of family events, at least in my family and other families I've been close with, are done more out of necessity than want. I actually enjoy spending time with Brian's sister Amy and SIL Holly. They are more like me than not, which is a change as compared to the past. I don't feel like I have to bite my tongue around them, which I'm very grateful for. We're taking the kids to Annie's Playground in Fallston. I think they'll have a blast. Saturday we fly to Ft. Lauderdale and set sail on our cruise. I'm very excited. I'm excited about being excited because for a good week or two I could care less if I even went. But now, I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm even looking forward to the spring/summer. I'm definitely looking forward to nicer weather. Ugh, this cold crappy stuff can go somewhere far far away. I want sun and 80. No humidity. Not that much to ask for. Anywho.....I need to start to make a list of things I want to do. We probably won't be doing the big trip (like Chicago last July) just because we're going on the cruise now. But, you never know, I'm pretty good at finding deals, so maybe we will. Laura and I want to take Blaze (her husband) and Brian to the Hope and Glory Inn in VA. We wanted to go last year but it didn't work out because of scheduling. Its a little more than a normal B&B. It has little cottages you can stay in, a lake, restaurant, pools....just pure relaxation. I hope we can figure out a time to go. I know at some point we definitely we will be going.

I'm also excited to hear the Newseum is opening up again in its new home in DC on Friday. Marshall (my ex-husband) and I went there in 2002 while it was still in Arlington (or Alexandria, I can't remember). I'm not really into museums that much, but this was awesome. I'm looking forward to going again. Obviously a lot has happened in the news since them...its definitely one of those museums you can go to time and time again. I also want to go to the International Spy Musuem, even though I've heard mixed reviews about it, the Holocaust museum, and do a trolley tour of DC. I've lived down here for 10 years now and I've probably only been to the city 3 or 4 times. I get good last minute deals emailed to me from hotels that need rooms filled----maybe we'll be spending a day or two in a fancy shmancy place in DC for next to nothing. (Thats how we ended up in Chicago.) Same goes for Baltimore...I want to do the tour thing and actually stay in the city, even though I can get there in 15 minutes. Of course, there's NYC too....Laura and Blaze want to go with us. I want the pizza tour. I did mention that before, right?

Oh, if you have kids and are in DC, go to the National Museum of Health and Medicine at Walter Reed. Its really cool. And free (at least it was a few years ago) so thats a plus. There's cool stuff in there like real (dead) lungs of a smoker/non-smoker/black lung, an exhibit of a hairball that was the size of a girls stomach (she ate her hair), old medical equipment, and even a table full of leeches swimming around (alive, and yes very gross).

So, in summary, I'm happy I'm finally excited about the next few months. Hopefully things will stay on this track.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm in love.

I finally found curtains for our bedroom and I LOVE them. Love, love, love them. I only have one of the three hanging up so far and already it looks a gazillion times better. God bless JC Penneys. Wanna know the best part? It matches both the comforter and the walls, so no more bedroom painting for me. Now, I can't wait for Brian to put the flooring in. (hint hint)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Busy like a bee

Busy week ahead of me...busy, busy like a bee. First I have a million days of work. Ugh. I don't like it. I do, but I just don't want to go this week. I have so much other stuff to do. It always seems to work out that way. Tuesday, ladies and gents, Sarah's hitting the stores. Yeppers, I'm going clothes shopping, so beware if you're in the greater Baltimore/White Marsh area, you may want to steer clear. It shouldn't be too bad. At least I hope not. I just need a few staple summery items for the cruise. Primarily shirts/tanks which luckily I don't mind shopping for. I still have some shorts from last year and I could maybe use some capris. I got lucky and found two bathing suits that fit (well, Brian says they do. I look at it and still think "fat ass") from Victoria's Secret. (I definitely have to work on my seductive/sultry stance so I will look the same as the model. Ha!) I'm pretty much anti-bathing suit but swimming in sweats is kind of a hassle. So I was pretty happy to find that these are extremely comfortable, keeps everything very much covered in the boob/butt department and best of all, they were on sale. Now, my only "might be a pain in the butt" search is for a cover-up. I never had one before. I always wore gym shorts and tanks. But in my quest to be a little more girly, I'm going to try a cover up.

We have a deck guy coming tomorrow to give us a plan and estimate for our patio/deck area. Its a disaster now and needs to get fixed. Its really a safety issue, as well as cosmetic/convenience issues. Hopefully it will be something reasonable. Hopefully.

I'm still working on a plan for the bedroom. We bought this linen colored duvet cover and have cherry furniture. That's all I've got. Brian's building something so the flat screen TV we don't yet have will be flush with the wall. We also decided on insulated drapes so we can lose the blinds we have and hopefully conserve some energy up there. Any suggestions on drapes/paint color? I looked on and saw some faux finishes I liked, like ragging I think it was. But, I'm nervous about that. I've never faux finished anything but furniture and that was just crackle paint.

OK, that's all for my boring post of the day. I'm off to bed. Nighty-night.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

All I can say is haha

Costco is apparently the place where all four year olds can embarrass any adult. I'm sure we can all remember when little Gabriel (I say that like I know him....) embarrassed me in the food court.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I'm not a happy camper.

I weighed in this morning. Granted, not at the 7am or 830am meeting as originally planned being I woke up at 1030am (bad night of sleeping yet again last night). I did make it to the 1130 weigh in (didn't stay for the meeting, though). Yeah, so I gained 5 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm not happy. I'm not surprised though, either. Its been a VERY bad six weeks and not because I ate too much pizza or cake because I love it. The thing is, I don't think I'm even that upset about the weight gain. I'm not happy about it, but I'm pissed at myself for letting my emotions get the best of me. Its like being defeated by something that doesn't even exist. Some of you reading this probably "get" what I'm talking about. Others probably are thinking "Sarah, stop your babbling, it no big deal" or "we're tired of hearing about it." But to me, I've been down this path before. I let the truck accident and all the stress surrounding my relationship with my ex husband make me an adorable 240 pounder. So, 5 pounds in 6 weeks....that's a big deal to me.

Last weekend, Taylor was talking about the girl in the movie Hairspray and how big she was. Don't take this the wrong way, but up until that point I thought Taylor looked at people pretty unbiased. She was the girl that talked to anyone on the playground. Now she got sucked into the "fat" views that everyone else in the world thinks. She's 10. I tried to tell her that wasn't nice and that I was a fat girl once. She said she wanted proof. The problem is, I don't have too much proof. When "fat" girl went away so did about a year or two of my life in pictures. I never wanted to be reminded of that girl again.

While I'm only 171, a far cry from my 240....there are times lately that it doesn't really matter what the scale says. It could be one in the same. Its the feeling inside.....that feeling of letting everything else in the world take over the one thing you have control of. In my case it has nothing to do with the food or the exercise, but everything to do with how I handle the events that have been going on lately. Hopefully today's weigh in was a step in the right direction. I even bought a new journal today to track my eating---I'm hoping by writing stuff down, I figure out when I'm eating because I'm hungry or because I'm frustrated.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Yet again....

the basement is painted. I repainted the basement. The color Laura & I picked out just wasn't working down here, so I found a half gallon of paint leftover from another room and decided to "test" it on a wall. Well, I guess I must have liked it because that ended up painting half the room. Yesterday we got another gallon and between last night and today the whole basement is painted. It looks great. I'm very happy with it. Its so cozy. No pictures yet, because everything is still a mess down here, but I'll post some eventually. As for now, I'm off to do some laundry and grocery shopping. WW: still not counting points. I really should start! I got caught up in so much other stuff I didn't make it to a meeting the other day. I should probably try to go to the 7am or 830am meeting tomorrow. That way I can be mildly productive in the AM and still get a nap in before work tomorrow afternoon. Yep, sounds like a plan. Now, to see if I follow through w/ that plan......

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Why can't kids just be kids?

How pathetic....15 year old stabbed to death at Parkdale HS. This is the school my ex-husband's brother went to. Last November, a 17 year old girl died when she was shot after leaving school. The school she was leaving is only minutes away from million dollar homes, but then again minutes in the opposite direction is the ghetto. If I remember correctly, my ex told me when he (my ex) was in middle school he got stabbed in the belly. He was fine, but I do think he said he never told anyone because if he did they'd probably come back and get him worse later. Brian and I work in the county where this happened. This incident should give you insight as to how the rest of the county is on any given day. 15....amazing. At 15 my life revolved around school, sports, and doing stupid stuff with friends. Never once at that age did I ever worry that I'd never make it home from school. Ridiculous.

So, I was thinking....

about going to weigh in today. I woke up with all sorts of motivation today. I'm thinking this counseling thing might just work. Maybe its all in my head (huh, the irony there...) but after talking to Bob, the last two days have been much better. I tolerated work yesterday. I didn't really even hate it. I didn't let the stress get to me. I just took care of my patients and I even had a student ride along with me and I didn't want to choke him when he was doing something wrong. Granted, it did work in his favor that he didn't give me puppy dog eyes and make me feel like crap when I told him he wasn't doing something right. But, I digress....

It probably also helped that for the first time in I think 8 months, I didn't have a call after midnight. In our fire department, that's a big deal. We measure how bad a shift was by the number of calls we run after midnight. For me, lately, its been an average of three to four calls a night. What does that mean? No sleep for me. So, although it wasn't exactly refreshing sleep last night, it was sleep nonetheless. That leads me to today. I'm mild to moderately motivated. I'm still on my way to taking a nap, but I'm going to get stuff done today. I'm even going to cook supper, which hasn't really happened here on a regular basis lately. And, its been a week, so I guess I better workout again.

I know the scale will be up from last weigh in, but I guess just going to WI is half the battle. Hell, I got a cruise to get ready for!! No extra pounds between now and then....I'll find the extra pounds at a buffet table in the middle of the ocean! :) 17 more days.......

Recent pictures....

I stopped by Brian's parents condo after work to visit with Amy, Chris and Carter for a little while. I couldn't get Carter to stop crying, so Bella started entertaining him with hand puppets. She thought no one was watching her. But it finally got him to stop crying!! I'm starting to think he doesn't like me with all that fussin'.

Bella, Carter and Aunt Amy
Brandon, being Brandon. This one is for Christy. I don't think it gets much girlier than this. Well, maybe if she wore this outfit on our mall excursion, it would....

My two favorite boys, watching Family Guy together.

Taylor's Shadow

I think Bella thinks she's Taylor's clone or shadow or something. Not only does she try to dress as much like her when they are together, they sit alike, talk alike, everything. I swear Bella repeats EVERYTHING that comes out of Taylor's mouth, even if its a cough.

The library in our house.

Sometimes I wish I could be as creative as a kid. I mentioned the other day that it was make believe day and I had to go to the "library." When I got in the girls room, this is what I found. Books all along the walls, categorized into adult and children, fiction and non-fiction. Brandon sat on the top bunk and took your book request and searched for it in the "computer", while Taylor sent us to the "section" where we could find our book. Bella sat in the chair with the register and checked us out. When I walked in, they said, "Oh, Sarah, we have the perfect book just for you," and handed me a WW Dining Out guide. Ha.
Since I haven't' really posted great pictures of the kids rooms yet, here's a sneak peak at the girls room. I'm working on getting all my pictures in order, so hopefully today I'll get before/after pics up of those projects.