Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Progress has been made, finally.

Progress has been made with the patio. Our steps from the house to the patio have been put in and they look good. We are going to have to stain the pickets for the railing but that's no big deal. The patio looks much "neater" than it did before. Its nothing spectacular, overall, but its what worked with our budget. We got to keep our flowerbed and Brian came up with a good idea to make two other beds on either side of the steps down to the yard. That way it adds some color and dimension. Although we'd love to have a fancy patio with some teak furniture or something we have to work with what we've got for now. I had two plastic/vinyl Adirondack style chairs from my apartment patio that came with me when I moved in here. We were given a really nice mosaic cafe style table and three chairs from a friends of ours that didn't want it anymore. And Brian brought a few side tables/plant stands and a loveseat from his old house---we just need to get some cushions. None of it really matches and looks kind of crappy right now, but our plan is to paint all the metal items (table base, side tables, cafe' chairs) the same color Rustoleum so it matches and its protected, as well as paint the ugly Adirondack chairs a color that better matches. They are so ugly now, but so incredibly comfortable (as was the price when I bought them).

We planned on replacing the privacy walls, but to save money, Brian is just going to fix whatever is broken, replace a few boards that are warped, power wash them, and then stain to match the steps.

We plan on sprucing up the existing flowerbed, and like I said, making two new ones. Initially we were just going to put flowers in it but after talking with our neighbor, we are considering doing a veggie garden, which would help us save some money next summer on vegetables.

I'm starting to get excited about it. I sat out there earlier tonight to talk on the phone and it was so relaxing. I can't wait til its all done.

You're an enigma

Brian and I went to my ENT appointment this morning. They took us right back and my Nurse Practioner, Doreen, came in and reviewed my case with a new NP shadowing her. She read my CT results, which consisted of a deviated septum with huge turbinates, an impacted wisdom tooth (not causing any problems) and a cyst in my sinus. Ho-hum, just another day in the ENT world. That is, until Doreen put my CT up on the light up board thingy, said, "Oh God!" and proceeded to talk medical talk to her shadow like we weren't even in the room. She went on and on about how horribly crooked my septum was. Then I think she all of a sudden remembered we were sitting three feet behind her. Doreen turned around with a big shit eating grin on her face and said, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to act like that. I just don't know how you can breath." She ran out and got a doctor in the office so we could talk about surgery. The surgeon, who was very nice, came in looked at the CT and repeated all the same "Oh, God, how can you breath?" phrases we heard already, did a quick exam and then explained how beneficial the surgery will be for me. She explained to all of us in the room what she planned to achieve during the surgery as well as what I could expect afterwards. The doctor told me I wouldn't have any packing but I'd be doublely splinted because my septum is so deviated. I thought Doreen was going to go nuts. She got a huge smile on her face and said, "you're going to double splint her?" she asked Dr. Day. By her reaction, you'd swear she was getting a million dollar bonus in her check next week. I asked her if I'm the weirdo every ENT waits for and she kinda smiled and called me an enigma. When we left the office, Brian hit it on the head. He said he felt like he was living an episode of Grey's Anatomy where all the surgeon's are fighting to get in on the good surgery. We figure they all went in the lounge afterwards and started pestering Dr. Day to assist in putting in my double splint or something.

I'm waiting on a phone call to schedule the surgery. I've been told it will be a week until I can go back to work but after reviewing some paperwork, it looks like I'll be off for two weeks. The paperwork says I can't bend, lift, or strain (including constipation) for two weeks, and that's everything I do at work (minus the constipation).

On a different subject, the patio guys are back. They are building our landing/steps coming from the patio door as I type, so I'm hoping that tonight I could get to my back yard without walking around the house. They are planning on bringing a ton of dirt to make the transition from the steps to the yard a little nicer. Brian and have been talking about it and after hanging out at his parents condo yesterday, we've decided we want the patio to be a sitting area as compared to an eating area. I don't like bugs/flies hanging out with me while I eat, but I'm very okay with sitting out relaxing at night. We've also talked about getting flowers that we can hang off our privacy wall. And once this is all done, we can work on the flowerbed that borders the one side of the patio. Brian wants to put all wildflowers in there. That might have to wait til next year but I do think it will be pretty.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Just a bunch of stuff

Ok, ok, everyone's asking about the patio. There's nothing to say. It is exactly the same as it was last week. No one showed up to work on it. Apparently they had a "meeting" last week to figure out how they are going to fix the steps that look like they are doing the wave, but there's been no attempt at fixing it. I emailed them yesterday to let them know about our frustration and we were told they would be out today to work on the landing/steps from the patio door. Go figure. Another no show. So, now I'm pissed. Not that I wasn't before, but now I really am. I just want to have my life back to normal a little bit. Its a pain in the you know what to walk around to take the trash out. We can't grill out because we have no place to put the grill and I'm now very jealous of people who can sit out at night and drink a glass of wine while the sun sets. (Even though I don't really drink wine.)

In other news, my attempt at quitting WW didn't work. What did work was gaining weight. So, today after talking with Laura, I ended up at a new WW center. Its next to a Super Walmart on the north side of Baltimore. If I go to meetings there, I can kind of make it part of my weekly trip for groceries and save some $$ at the same time by getting them at Walmart. My weigh in wasn't pretty. I'm up. A lot. 177.8. The last time I weighed that much (officially, WW) was almost 4 years ago when I was hired by the fire department. I am impressed with this leader (go ahead, Brian, laugh), though. I told her I was familiar with the program and lost about 70 lbs on it. She told me, "good, now we'll get you to goal and lifetime and make you a free girl. No more paying for weigh ins." I know she can only do so much to motivate me but at least she was pretty positive in thinking she can help me. My motivation (well, I say it is) is that by Nov/Dec I HAVE to be below 166 for work or I will get an unsatisfactory evaluation which is not even an option. Secondly, I bought a size 10 bridesmaid dress for my sister wedding next July. I can't get any fabric added to it and as of right now I can barely breath in it. So, if I want to breath in the heat of next July, I need to shed an inch or two at least in the lung department.

I'm not sure about my medicine. I feel like I need a higher dose. Maybe, it just didn't all kick in yet as its only been 2 weeks. I feel a better like I said in my earlier post, but I still don't feel like I think I should. I don't really have motivation. My brain is a little clearer but I still feel like a load and kinda cranky more times than I'd like. I have to look into a new doctor...that on tomorrow's list of things to do. In addition to that, I find out what's going to happen with my nasal surgery. My appointment with the ENT is tomorrow AM, so hopefully she'll explain what all the stuff in my CT is since I don't know what the hell I'm looking at.

Other than that, I've just been studying my ass off. I had an EMS Officer class all last week with a final today, which I did fine on. So, now until September, I'll be studying tons of boring books for my Lt. promotional exam at work. I'm not looking forward to it, but I am mildly motivated to. So, my summer is boring, but whatever. 10% increase in pay, hopefully, will be worth it.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I hate admitting when I'm wrong.

So, maybe everyone was right. Maybe I needed some help. Maybe I needed a boost to get me going in the right direction. But, there were my views that got in the way....I don't need any medicine. Not me. I'm just fine. (I can't even admit that I was wrong to myself!) It is just a phase. A really, really, really, long, evil phase. Or, maybe they were just right.

Like I wrote in my previous post, I was given different medicines to help change my mood around, calm my anxiety, and sleep. When my counselor, Lori, suggested this to me weeks ago, I outright told her, "no." I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to be a "crazy" person. I don't want to be like everyone else in the world and be like a Prozac Nation girl. "Its not going to work on me anyway. They hand that stuff out like candy and then everyone brags about it like its something great," I told Lori and Brian. Lori came back with, "because it is great. It just balances you out and causes such a change in your life you want to tell people you feel better. Especially if you've been feeling bad for so long." Whatever, dude. I'm not that bad. But Brian asked me to try it. If it didn't work, it didn't work, but at least we could say I tried it. Then he teased me with "maybe you'll sleep." How sad is it that he could tease me with sleep like he could with pizza or a diet Pepsi?

I started the medicine a week ago. Apparently, it can take a few weeks to kick in fully but subtle changes can be noticed in the first week or so. I went to sleep Monday night and except for one wake up because I had to pee really bad, I slept through the night. Almost seven hours. I woke up and was ready for my day. Yesterday, for the first time in years, literally, I enjoyed my entire shift at work. I wasn't tired. I joked around. I was a smart ass. I saw a change in my co-workers. They didn't have that look on their face like, "is she nice today?" I approached them and made stupid comments and actually sat for a few hours talking about completely random things covering every topic from "is the Waffle House better than Bob Evans" to "if the Cialis commercial says you can "perform" when you're ready within 12 hours, do you only get one shot (no pun intended) in those 12 hours?" I didn't even care that I had to run calls in the middle of the night and when I got the opportunity to lay down for 3o minutes here and there, I fell asleep quickly (and without medicine). I wasn't up thinking all night and then thinking about how I wasn't able to fall asleep.

I ran a call in the afternoon which came out as a trouble breathing patient. I sat and talked to a guy who was obviously worn out and exhausted, hyperventilating, trying to tell me about how he's had insominia for quite a period of time. So bad, in fact, that he finished an entire 30 day bottle of Ambien in less than 4 days. One night, he took 13 of them in 8 hours. When I asked him why he took so many, he looked at me with big, red, puffy eyes and said, "I'm not trying to hurt myself...just tell me why can't I sleep?!?" as he cried. Literally cried. I run plenty of calls where I tell people I know how you feel and, really, I have no idea. But this guy, I knew how he felt. I was there. And as I finally convinced him that if with all the medicine he took and he was still unable to sleep (and we ruled out any medical issues with taking so much medicine in a short amount of time thanks to Poison Control) he may have deeper issues that needed to be addressed. I talked him into letting us take him to the hospital for a psych eval. He sat there and cried and yelled and just kept saying, "why can't I just go to sleep? I'm not crazy. I just want to sleep!!" It was then, as that guy yelled at me, I realized, I was wrong. The medicine is in fact working for me. I went from being "that guy" for months, hell, maybe even years off and on, to being this girl that enjoyed her day at work. A girl that wasn't trying to hide in the bunkroom for a nap. A girl who realized, last night was the first night in years that she slept (without being sick with the flu or on narcotics for pain) for seven hours and only woke up once because her bladder was about to explode.

Come Thursday, I will have not bitched about how I can't sleep or cried, yelled, or been perpetually miserable, for a complete week. I asked Brian two days ago if he thought the medicine was working and he said it was hard to say because typically I have a few good days and then two bad days. But after sleeping Monday night, a good day at work Tuesday and being extremely productive and not requiring a nap after work today, I think I'm on a roll. I can't remember if it was yesterday morning or this morning but Brian even said I sounded perky. Our typical morning conversations (after work) usually involve me losing my patience, getting frustrated and hanging up on him. Between yesterday and today, we talked probably for a few hours on the phone. The last time that happened was when we first started dating. Actually, maybe even before that. That's how we eventually started dating. We were "vent" friends. I could go to him with my problems and vice versa and get an unbiased opinion about things. He listened to me when I felt no one else could or would. That all led to our friendship and then eventual dating. And I think with the relationship that evolved kind of caused a problem between us. I didn't have a vent person anymore. Who would I go to to vent about he and I or topics that I think he just doesn't want to hear about anymore or I don't want to talk to him about? Quite honestly, there were/are plenty of times where he was my problem.

It's still going to be a few weeks before everything kicks in, but after a week, I think its a safe bet to say: "Everyone (and Lori), I was wrong. I needed the medicine and it does work for me. I'll give myself a few more weeks and I might even turn into one of those people I bitch about who brag about being on their medicine."

And speaking of medicines, I'm a new fan of Allegra D. It rocks! I can breath for the first time in forever (well, out of half my nose :) )

Monday, July 21, 2008

Sometimes you have to ask for a little outside help.

The patio people showed up at 630pm. I guess I shouldn't complain, because they finally showed up, but by 630pm on a night before work I'm already in the process of winding down. Brian talked to the patio guy (Mike) today who admitted he subcontracts the work. We knew that. Hell, it is the middle of summer. Brian called to tell him no one showed up Friday nor today. Mike said he was getting in touch with his foreman and that he refused to have the same group of guys work on the patio again. There are a few new guys out there now doing completely different work. We hope the outcome is better. Mike said if it isn't he "has a guy" that can redo the whole project. Hopefully it won't get to that. I was hoping by now we'd be sipping wine and grilling out on it, but instead we were drinking water and eating Cajun catfish off the Foreman grill. (Still yummy.)

Speaking of yummy, I don't think my maintenance plan is working. I feel a little big these days. Well, okay, the scale may have whispered in my ear as well. The six I thought I lost, I found. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the chocolate chip cookies, or the brownies, or the carmelitas, or whatever else I've had over the past week. I do have to say I did much better when bringing and cooking my own food. I kinda had a downfall last week and ate out a little more than I planned on. I'm realizing I have to step it up a little more in the athletic department. I'm hoping that will kick in soon. I'm still doing my walking, which I enjoy, but I know I have to start doing some weight training. I'm still kinda down in the dumps like I've been for a while, but being quite honest I'm hoping some medicine will help turn that mood around. I hate being one of "those" people, but when everyone, including your ex husband, encourages you to at least try it....well, I guess maybe I should. I was given a medicine to help me sleep. I still I have some issues with it "working" the right way, or so I think, but I do have to say I did have one hell of a restful sleep on Saturday night. And I find myself not wanting to nap as much as usual. I'm hopeful. Still a little upset I had to go this route, but I guess sometimes you just gotta suck it up and ask for some outside help.

So, I don't want to go back to formal WW, but I guess I have to make more conscious decisions. I think things will definitely turn around when I finally want to go workout. I know that Sarah is in there, I just have to wait for her to surface. I definitely know I can't make her do things she doesn't want to do.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Can you tell I finally imported pictures onto the computer???

I just like these two. They're from this morning/afternoon.

Visit with the Grandparents this morning....

We took Bella and Brandon to Pop-Pop Mickey's and Grandma Bea's for Pop-Pop's French toast. Oh, and bacon which I was a huge fan of. We got a few pictures before leaving, including one of the great-grandparents. I particularly like that one because they are both smiling. The one they were posing for didn't have any smiles. I kinda wish we caught it but right after Brian took their picture Pop-Pop leaned in and gave Grandma a kiss on the cheek. It was cute.

After breakfast we went to Mom-Mom and Zaidy's for a few hours. Brandon made us a lovely hibachi dinner, including monkey brains. (I hope he never opens a restaurant!!)

Taylor's play

Here are a few pictures of Taylor acting her little heart out her play from this summer. She spent a week in a drama camp and on the final day they had this play. She did very well. I knew she was an actress at the house but thought she may get shy on stage, but not in the least. She was such a ham. She definitely knew where her family was sitting and put on quite the show for us.
Posted by Picasa

Patio in progress

Here are a few pictures of the patio, in progress. You'd think by now I'd learn to take a before picture, but no, I still didn't remember. Let's put it this way...the patio was much more even, although it was starting to sink into the retaining wall, which used to be made out wood. They shortened the patio. The old one used to come out to where all the dirt is now. As you can see by the pictures they are really puzzle piecing it together. I'm not too concerned about that, because they reused the bluestone we already had to save us money. I think once the morter or whatever they use is down, it will be fine. We are more concerned about the tiles that are sticking up causing a trip hazard or the ones that wobble when you stand on them. The tiles under the patio door have been fixed and look good. They aren't wobbly and are even. But, beyond the patio door, everything else needs fixed, including the step down, as you can see. We're hopeful they will come back tomorrow. Brian will be home so he said he's going to silently stalk them from Brandon's bedroom window. I'm hopeful this time around will be more successful and we will get to use the patio by next weekend.
Posted by Picasa

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I'm a dumb ass.

Plain and simple. Dumb. Ass.

Brian picked the kids up this morning on his way home from work and shortly after they left go to the gym and pool. I was to meet them later. He texted me asking if I'd stop at our new fav pizza place to pick up a pizza so we can have a family lunch poolside. No problem. Didn't even have to twist my arm. He called it in and on my way up to the pool I stopped by and picked it up. I also decided to get 4 water bottles. So there I was, juggling 4 water bottles and a pizza box. Already late, I got in the car and drove off. The whole way up there I couldn't wait to eat pizza. Then I found myself glancing towards the passenger seat, then slamming on the breaks. Umm, where did I put the pizza? Oh yeah, on the roof. See, I couldn't juggle the bottles and the pizza box at the same time so I put the pizza on the roof so I could put the waters in my bag. I tore into a parking lot, opened my door and sheepishly peeked over the side, hoping. Nope. No pizza. At the exact same time, Brian's texting me, "pick up the pizza?" which was soon followed by the "you won't believe what I did" phonecall to him. All I wanted was some of my favorite pizza, but now if its not glued to someone's windshield, its in a ditch on Belair Rd somewhere. I'd like to think some nice homeless person found themself a lucky break and are munching on deliciousness. But, I don't think there's a lot of homeless people roaming around Kingsville.

Like I said, dumb ass.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

We hate it.

The new patio, that is. We are very disappointed. I got home last night to find some hidious pattern played out with our bluestone. Brian called the company this morning to tell them we were unhappy. They agreed and said they were about to talk to the workers this morning about pulling up the bluestone, putting down the appropriate sand and then relaying the bluestone in a more appeasing pattern. I left early this morning to go to doctors appointments and when I saw Brian this afternoon he said it was looking good. That was til I got home around 430 tonight. I didn't even make it in the house when Brian told me it looked like shit. Ugh. I peeked out back. Its horrible. The good pattern stopped about 1/4 of the way thru and then it seems like they just picked pieces of stone to go together and cut slivers to fill in the gaps. The tiles are so uneven that the new patio is 10 times worse than it was to begin with, which was one of the major reasons we were getting the patio redone to begin with. Again, Brian was on the phone with the company owner and he's now on his way down here from Harrisburg for a special visit. I'm very annoyed. We printed out a picture of a good bluestone patio from the Internet hoping to remind them of what we are looking for.

In other news, I finally got a prescription for some sleep medicine. I take it for the first time tonight, so we'll see how it goes. My hopes are up high, although I'm a little nervous. I have to work tomorrow so I don't want to be overly sleepy tomorrow if the medicine doesn't wear off in time.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Add to the love at Trader Joes list....

Grilled Chicken and Provolone Panini with Basil Pesto. Yummy! Brian had it and said it was good but he thinks everything short of cardboard tastes good. I just had it for lunch and I have to say, it was delish. If you get it, take the few extra minutes and pop it in the toaster oven. It is so much better with a little crunch. It's grilled chicken and provolone (duh) with pesto sauce on one slice of bread and dried tomato spread on the other. It is not a huge sandwich, but I found it to be filling. WW followers, its 8 points. I'm not a huge sweets person, but I did find after eating this I needed something sweet since the sandwich flavors were so strong. You can find it in the frozen section....2 panini's per box.

Call me.

I hate driving at work--especially in the rain. I'm petrified I'm going to get in an accident. Any of my partners at work will tell you that. So, when did my first accident happen? Monday afternoon in the bright sunshine. I'm a dork.

It was the beginning of DC rush hour and we were leaving Children's Hospital driving up Michigan Ave when it happened. Yep, that's when I felt the need to hit a Metro bus. Alright, so it wasn't a big bang, crash, people hanging out of the windows accident. I clipped the bus's drivers side mirror but I just about pooped myself when it happened. I was so concerned about not hitting the car to my left that I thought I had enough room to the right. Obviously not, because my Dumbo earred sized mirrors wanted to kiss the bus mirror. I pulled over, contacted all the people I have to and was pretty much confined to the medic unit. I wasn't even going to attempt to open my door with all the cars coming towards me. And now that I screwed up traffic, I sure as hell wasn't going to do anything else to piss more people off. My partner got out and talked to the driver of the bus. He came back to the unit and being mildly concerned that the bus driver was going to be an idiot I asked my partner, "is he pissed?" "Nope. Said accidents happen," was his reply. Good. One less thing I have to worry about. So, finally a police officer shows up and stops traffic so I could get out of the unit without getting creamed. We proceed to spend the next 2 hours waiting on the side of the road for another police officer to come to take a report. The bus driver was cool. Had a "I don't give a &*$(" attitude but was nice. Our supervisors both came, exchanged info, and actually while we were waiting, the bus supervisor changed the broken mirror on the bus (my unit had no damage, thankfully). The bus left before us. We were still sitting on the side of the road as my supervisor was still doing some paperwork. That's when my partner comes up and hands me a folded up piece of cardboard. I open it up and read it. The Readers' Digest version was something to the effect of "I think you're attractive and would like to be your friend. If you have a boyfriend, take this as a compliment and discard the #." It was from the bus driver. I hit your bus and you give me your number!?! I told Brian if things don't work out with he and I, I could always call this guy back and then if we get married we could have some really cool "how we met" story. I don't really think Brian laughed. I did.

So my partner and supervisor were sitting there making fun of me when finally a DC cop showed up to take a report. We realized then that we had no contact info for the bus or the supervisor. That's when, sitting on the curb staring down at the sidewalk, I pull my little piece of folded cardboard out and extend my arm out into the air. "Call the driver at this number," I said. The cops look at each and exchange "what?" eyes. The Sgt. takes the paper (I'm still staring down) opens it up, looks up and has a huge shit eating grin on his face. The cops, being pretty much like firemen (or mean big brothers), read the note outloud (adding their own comments and inflections, of course) and went on to embarrass me as much as they could. I guess I shouldn't complain. I got a very nice compliment which did help my mood after getting in my first accident, and, well, a pretty bad week. Plus, we spent 2 hours out in the sunshine in a fairly non-ghetto part of DC (thankfully, I wrecked where I did).

The patio is officially under construction. They came yesterday and did some work and just got here today to start compacting the dirt. I think it will be done by the weekend. I hope so. It's still a pile of dirt with a retaining wall now, but it really does look better. Speaking of which, they can see me from the basement windows. I really should go shower and lose the chicken hair look.

I feel like I had so much more to post from the past week. I can't remember anything now.

Oh, wait! Ha. I quit WW and lost 6 lbs. Awesome. Since I've been off plan, I have so much less stress about staying in my points. I'm making good food decisions and barely eating any snacks and I've been going for walks every night I'm not at work for 30-60 minutes. I even think my giblets might be slimming down.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Just a few gripes....

Ok, I'm not technically complaining, but I do have a few gripes.

1. Insurance companies suck. Well, not all the time, like when they pay my bills, but I totally understand why people call 911 to wake me up at 2am to treat their dying asses. So, I nearly had to jump through circus hoops today just to get a CT to show that I need this surgery. The CT that the doctor said is a necessity for the surgery, but anyone can see with their naked eye I need the surgery. You almost have to quit your full time job just to sit and make time to talk to these people. They were nice enough, don't get me wrong, but the elevator music gets old. Same with the bank. I sat on hold with them forever and a day today. At least the nice lady I talked to from New Mexico made some attempt at small talk with me. She was better than the other guy who just kept saying, "still searching...." like I thought he put me on hold so he could play cards.

2. I'm not going to get real into it but there's nothing like getting your hopes up at work for raises and retro money (especially when you have plans made with that money) to then have them potentially smooshed like a bug because someone wants to re-negotiate to "save" money. Couldn't that have been thought out months ago? I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm bitching about potentially not getting more money while others are out there getting laid off with no money. I guess I really should thank my lucky stars and realize that missing out on a trip and a few dinners out really isn't that bad in the big scheme of things.

3. I miss eating out. Sort of. Brian and I, like the rest of the country, have to cut back on our spending. Gas is crazy, groceries are going up, yet we're still eating out like crazy. I put our spending last month in Quicken and its crazy how much money we spent eating out. This week we haven't eaten out at all (except one meal at work on Sunday) and its actually been enjoyable. We've had leftovers for lunch and I think overall we've eaten much healthier. How ironic would it be if I ended up meeting some WW goal while off WW? Deep down I still miss eating out but I think its more because we "can't." (Or so we're telling ourselves.)

4. Not a gripe....actually this is one is positive. Brian and I went for a walk two nights in a row and I really enjoy it. I'm not sure if he does. His poor precious girly feet got a blister or something tonight, but I really enjoyed that time together. It was relaxing. Makes me think that if we ever got a dog, we'd actually walk it.

Tagged, again.

Christy tagged me.

The rules:
Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your post.
Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1. I love to vacuum dirty floors. I like to hear all the "stuff" get sucked up.

2. I love to organize stuff, but I'm not very organized. I want to go really, really bad, but I'm scared to go to the Container Store because I think I'll spend too much money, buy way too much stuff, and still not be organized.

3. I have a habit of buying bed linens and curtains. I bring them home, don't like them, and return them. I didn't realize I did it very much, until Brian started making fun of me about it and then later Marshall told me I've been doing it for years.

4. Although I want another dog or cat, I'm scared deep down Baxter will get mad at me, fall out of love with me, and not lay with me anymore.

5. I'm scared to have a kid. If I ever even get the opportunity, I'm scared I'll be tired all the time and come off as a mean mom. (I'm not very friendly when tired.)

6. I hate sand, feet, toes, teeth and gums (lacking teeth).

I tag Diet Coke & Zingers, Amy, Stephanie, Amy, Gettin' Shrunk, & Jess.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I'm getting a nose job.

Yep. Its all part of my "rebuilding." I figure hell, why not? Take rebuilding to a new level. You all thought you knew me so well, didn't you. I'm not one of those girly girls. Well, think again.

Actually, you're right. I'm not one of those girls. I don't do plastic. But, I really enjoy breathing and over the past few years I haven't been doing that very well. I went to countless doctors who said I had everything from a sinus infection to upper respiratory infections, to allergies. I knew, deep down, those weren't my problems. Ok, some of the times they were, but as a baseline, they weren't. Years ago I started having horrible earaches in my left ear. They wake me up and cause me unbearable pain. Once I roll over, I'm fine. Doctors tell me I have fluid behind my ears and to take allergy medicine. I took their prescribed medicines to feel exactly the same.

I went to an ENT today. I started telling her my story and I started to get the feeling she thought I was nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, congestion, drippy throat, earache, etc. Whatever, Sarah. Then she examined my ears. Amazing. No fluid. How about that. And I told the doctors there was no fluid, but huh, they always treated it as though there was. Then she put me in the chair and started spraying crap up my nose (gross) and put on her hat that looks like a CD is stuck to her forehead. She looked in my left nare and went "hmmm." She looked in the right and said quite loudly, "Oh my God, how do you breathe?" I guess that meant something was wrong. She immediately apologized and said she wasn't expecting that.

See, over the years, I used to be quite the athlete. But I still was quite clumsy. I broke my nose at least 6 times that I'm aware of. The final time was from my accident in 2000 where I broke most of the bones in the right side of my face. The NP feels my deviated septum (why my right nare is basically completely occluded) is a direct result of my broken noses. My drainage/coughing issues are caused because of improper anatomy alignment which is a combination of injuries from the accident and TMJ. Ironically, I was diagnosed by TMJ by a dentist about 6 years ago, which that diagnosis was shot down because "he doesn't know what he's talking about" so I was told. Maybe he does. She also feels my left earaches are caused by the TMJ. Apparently its normal to have issues with the opposite side of the face when one side is affected w/ TMJ. They say its because of the body is compensating for the injured side, basically.
So, the plan is to treat me with Allegra D and nasal spray (ew) for any underlying allergies. I have to get a CT which the NP said is basically a waste because anyone can see my septum is deviated. But, I have to get it anyway. I go back in 3 weeks to meet with her again and review the CT results and then meet with a ENT surgeon. The NP says she'll refer me to someone good who will take care of me and also straighten out my nose a little. She said it won't look so crooked and it will straighten out the bump I have a little. I'm actually looking forward to that part. I'm not super self-conscious of it, but I'd get that fixed before I would liposuction or boobs or something. And trust me, the giblets (aka. thighs) could use a little lipo.

She also feels this could be an underlying issue as to my horrible sleeping. Its almost like having sleep apnea. I can't fall asleep because I can't breath. And then when I do fall asleep, I relax so much that my ear starts to hurt which wakes me up. She said it explains why I have some problems with exercise too. (Good excuse!!) Its harder for me to breathe, especially when breathing fast because all of my breathing is happening through only one nostril instead of two.

The surgery is outpatient and takes an hour. My recovery is 1 week. I'm sure my loving boyfriend won't make fun of me at all, right dear? I've been told there is no splinting externally but there is internally. I'm sure nasal tampons are hot. He's going to want me. :0)

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I quit.

For those of you who come to this site purely for WW reasons, you may want to skip me for a while. I quit. Not because I don't think it works or because I found something better, but solely because its the best thing for me right now. I know that's vague, sorry. I'm kind of in the process of rebuilding myself from the bottom up. In order to do that, I'm trying to cutting stuff out of my life and unfortunately, WW is one of those things. I'm not planning on giving up on the theory behind WW. It works. But I can't dwell on points used or earned or upset myself because I gained or lost in a weeks time. There was a point in my life where that was a motivator, but these days its not. I've tried lots of different thinkings over the past few months to help me with WW, but its not working. I've come to find that there is probably a deeper issue that needs to be addressed and I'm in the process of taking care of it.

I'll still be cooking from Aimee's recipes. I'll still try to eat grilled instead of fried. And eventually, I'll want to be back in the gym and I'll want to be the more active person. Right now, though, that person isn't me. I have to find her first. Hopefully in a few weeks or so I'll be the person I've been trying to be for a long time. Please, bear with me.

I'll probably still blog....but like I said, its not going to be WW oriented. And, there is a good chance the number of posts will dwindle down. But, don't worry, I'll still be snooping at yours. Feel free to leave me a comment every now and again to let me know you're still alive. :0)