I weighed in this morning. Granted, not at the 7am or 830am meeting as originally planned being I woke up at 1030am (bad night of sleeping yet again last night). I did make it to the 1130 weigh in (didn't stay for the meeting, though). Yeah, so I gained 5 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm not happy. I'm not surprised though, either. Its been a VERY bad six weeks and not because I ate too much pizza or cake because I love it. The thing is, I don't think I'm even that upset about the weight gain. I'm not happy about it, but I'm pissed at myself for letting my emotions get the best of me. Its like being defeated by something that doesn't even exist. Some of you reading this probably "get" what I'm talking about. Others probably are thinking "Sarah, stop your babbling, it no big deal" or "we're tired of hearing about it." But to me, I've been down this path before. I let the truck accident and all the stress surrounding my relationship with my ex husband make me an adorable 240 pounder. So, 5 pounds in 6 weeks....that's a big deal to me.
Last weekend, Taylor was talking about the girl in the movie Hairspray and how big she was. Don't take this the wrong way, but up until that point I thought Taylor looked at people pretty unbiased. She was the girl that talked to anyone on the playground. Now she got sucked into the "fat" views that everyone else in the world thinks. She's 10. I tried to tell her that wasn't nice and that I was a fat girl once. She said she wanted proof. The problem is, I don't have too much proof. When "fat" girl went away so did about a year or two of my life in pictures. I never wanted to be reminded of that girl again.
While I'm only 171, a far cry from my 240....there are times lately that it doesn't really matter what the scale says. It could be one in the same. Its the feeling inside.....that feeling of letting everything else in the world take over the one thing you have control of. In my case it has nothing to do with the food or the exercise, but everything to do with how I handle the events that have been going on lately. Hopefully today's weigh in was a step in the right direction. I even bought a new journal today to track my eating---I'm hoping by writing stuff down, I figure out when I'm eating because I'm hungry or because I'm frustrated.
2 comments:
Not that is should make you feel better knowing this, but, I'm only 5'3" and weight 175 pounds. Yeap, I weigh more than you. You can say "you just had a baby" and that makes it OK, but in my mind, it doesn't. Hanging on the wall in my bedroom is a gorgeous picture of this young girl - size 4 and 105lbs. I see that picture every night before going to sleep and every morning when I wake up. She watches every move I make. That girl was me. It breaks my heart knowing that I've done this to my body. I allowed this to happen. I blamed it on moving to Tucson, Rick, two children, SEVERE depression, and poor lifestyle management. I knew it was happening and have never done anything about it. You are taking control of your life right now. I'm sure it's very overwhelming for you right now, I can only imagine the stress of moving Brian's family in with you & a crazy working environment. Stop beating yourself up... it took a long time to get to 240lbs to 170. You are doing so good & are so driven to make the change. It will happen. Maybe take a break from watching the points for a while - it's only stressing you out more. Enjoy your life. Once it settles down, then return to WW. Continue talking to the guy at work. Therapy is the best ever! Stay strong... Always know that you are loved and respected by those around you, regardless what the scale (evil thing it is) says!!!
You know what, I think it's awesome that you know yourself so well... and I think it's even cooler that you've stepped on the scale and gotten accountable. You are GREAT! You obviously know just how to take a few pounds off and I know you'll be fine. We all have down times... What makes the difference is wether or not we pick ourselves back up!
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