I looked like a straight up junky.

235am. A dark firehouse kitchen in MD. Me....searching every cabinet for a snack like a crackhead in an alley. It really was quite a ridiculous scene this morning, but I was so "hungry" I did what I had to do. Thankfully, I suppose, I found nothing except 6 loaves of bread. I'm not sure why we have so much bread, but it did me no good. I wasn't hungry enough just to eat bread which leads me to believe I wasn't hungry. I couldn't even find a carry out jelly packet to slab on there. My other saving grace from a early morning binge? I forgot my wallet at home. No money, no food. I survived. I hated every minute of it, but I survived.

I had a sit down with my crew. Ok, it really was a 30 second stand up conversation with my shift letting them know I wasn't being rude by not joining them in the kitchen for their eggs, toast, bacon (mmmm.....bacon), and potatoes yesterday morning but it was me trying to stay on track. I expected to get dumb guy responses but what did I get as a reply? "Good for you," and, "good if you can beat temptation with firehouse food," as well as a few others. Wow. Not at all what I was expecting. I was pleasantly surprised. I swear to God the devil tried pulling me by the ears into that kitchen making me a plate himself, but I kept my butt planted in my office at the computer. I'm not going to lie. Later in the afternoon I did steal a piece of the bacon and put it on my turkey wrap and my was it delicious. But, had I plopped down at the table for breakfast anything I worked for over the past two or three days would have been undone in a matter of minutes.

That is what is so frustrating to me about WW or weight loss in general. It so hard to work at it and if you give yourself even a little slack its all over. Maybe not for everyone, but for me. I've had plans to go to this wine place tonight for weeks. I swear I've been stressed about it for three days with the fear I'm going to overdo it. My plan is not to and I'm working on eating what I have to at home so I don't give in to junk, but I still have that nervous little flutter in my belly about it. Well, its either that or I've got butterflies because I'm going out with Kim tonight. I'll go with the stressed part. Ha.