Update.

I talked to my sister and my uncle. Grampy has stayed the same. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad. Both are telling me to stay in Maryland. I have mixed feelings about that but I'm staying put for now. At this point, my uncle feels Grampy will either die in an hour or respond to the fluids and antibiotics and pull through and end up living in an nursing home. Either way, both are undesireable. Like I said in my previous post, I want him to live because no one wants to see a family member die, but at the same time, Grampy won't do well living in a nursing home. The family agrees.

So, this afternoon I talked to my sister. First off, I have to say it was probably one of the longest and most sincere conversations I've ever had with her. We don't really get along and its not because I don't want to. Our relationship is just hard and I don't know why. Anyway, it was nice talking to her. I found out she feels the same way I do about the whole situation and seems to be on the same page about understanding just how sick Grampy is. We don't think my mom "gets" how sick he is. Or, maybe she doesn't want to, which is understandable. I remember hearing a story about when she found out I was in my accident and at the time in grave condition. She just sat on the bed and rocked back and forth saying "this is a bad dream and I'm going to wake up." I've never been in a situation before, I guess, where someone in my immediate family was about to die. Or, maybe I respond differently. I guess thats it. I watched my dad fall through 2 1/2 floors of a house to the basement during a house fire and I was cool as could be. Actually, probably the second thing I told someone (after, "someone help him") was "my Mom is going to kill us." And, I remember my sister being sick in college and me wanting to help her but didn't know how.

Whatever the case, I think my mom is in denial. She has taken care of my Grampy for a long time. At the age of 16, she watched her mom battle and ultimately die of cancer. Grampy didn't need taking care of like bathing and feeding but she checked on him everyday. And he returned the favor....we lived with him for a year or so while my parents house was being built. They obviously have a very close bond. My sister, uncle, and I see just how sick Grampy is and are prepared for the phonecall. I'm not sure if my mom is there yet.

That leads me to a question or a rant or something. Everyone responds differently to stress. Some get hyper, some shut down, some run away....while my mom feels she needs to be there all the time with my grandfather, my uncle says he can't. I see both sides of the fence. Like I said I talked to my uncle on the phone today. I haven't talked to him on the phone, well, maybe ever. I could hear the concern in his voice. I heard him upset. I heard him talk in circles. He's not a compassionate guy. He's actually very stubborn, like myself. I get the feeling that although he "knows" his dad is going to die, he doesn't know how to accept it. He said he went to the hospital this afternoon and then told me he was going golfing tonight. I already heard this story from my sister and how upset the family is because he's "self-centered." Before talking to him, I could see where my family was coming from. That was til I heard his side. He said, "Sarah, I'm going golfing because I don't know what else to do. I need some sort of release from all this," and he was sincere. After getting off the phone I told Brian it was probably good he was going golfing. My uncle stepped up recently and took care of my Grampy more than he has in years. And now he's second guessing decisions. I think he deserves a break. So does my mom, dad, aunt and sister. It looks like shit that he's golfing while he's dad is in ICU, but at the same time, no one would question if my mom went home and crocheted til her fingers fell off or if someone else ends up at a bar shit-faced tonight. Everyone's got their way of dealing with stress. Hell, you'd probably find me sitting with a beer, a shot and a pizza. I don't know if there's a "right" way to deal with everything. Or, maybe an overall acceptable way.

I guess my point is its very typical for my family to jump to conclusions. Maybe its easy for me to see the other side of things because I haven't taken care of my grandfather and I live hours away. But at this point, I'm really scared for my mom or dad to call and start bitching about my uncle. One part of me wants to defend him and the other wants to bite their tongue. It seems in my family at times, its hard to defend yourself or others when other family members already have very strong feelings in their head. I know I've been through that a time or two over the past few years. I know when I was "my uncle" and was getting talked about for decisions I made all I wanted was someone to defend me. Now, at this point, I want to defend him, but I don't know if its a fight worth fighting.