motivation

It just took me 2 hours to get home from work, thanks to the monsoon outside. I hate the rain, especially driving in it. But, holy hell, this was nuts. As my needle headed towards "E" I decided I was going to get off 95 and get some gas, a Diet Pepsi and maybe a snack. I swear I was so close to the exit I could spit and reach it but someone else decided to wreck their car and close all four lanes of 95 North. Ugh, I was aggravated. Not because I was afraid of running out of gas, but well, I just wanted to get home. Plus I had to pee. I didn't realize I had to pee til I started to think about the possibility of me sitting there for hours. Once I realized 95 turned into a parking lot I had plenty of time to sit and do nothing. I read the remainder of my People magazine. After that I just thought. I've got plenty to think about these days. Seems I always do. But anyway, I was trying to think back as to what my motivation was to be so vigilant when I lost 70 pounds or so my first go round on WW. I came up with nothing. I have no idea. Something must have done it because I went to every meeting, I never ever gained. It was wonderful. I had all the will power in the world. I know it wasn't something like a wedding or a big event or even sadly just to be healthier. I'm half wondering if I found my motivation again. Hear me out....

So, every year we're supposed to get PPA's (evaluations) for work. I got a call from my Lt. this evening saying they didn't accept my PPA because I was over the weight limit for my height and that wasn't satisfactory. What?! I was one pound over. He changed it saying I could have peed and lost the weight, which I agree with but the problem I have with it is the weight he had on my PPA was what I weighed at my yearly work physical. That was in the fall or early winter. I weight at least 10 pounds more now. When I got hired there, I knew it was a physical job and I have in writing what I'm supposed to be weigh according to my height. There's a reason they have that paper in our packet. I guess it worked out that I was only 1 pound over for the evaluation and that was a "workable" number, but to be honest, I'm not good with lying. I'm not really good with fudging the numbers. Especially, now, knowing that I'm almost 10 pounds over what I should be.

I never know what next years officer is going to be like. They might be a stickler for the rules and I really can't argue something that's written in black and white. It would be a shame to work my behind off and be a good employee only to have a not so great evaluation because I was over my weight limit, even if by only one pound.

So, we'll see how that goes. I've been really good today. I even stopped on my way home and finally got my Diet Pepsi and instead of getting something super junky, I got a bag of hard pretzels thinking they are that much harder to chew. I only ate one in the time I could have easily chowed down a bag of chips or candy.

We have a lot of projects to do this week. But I'm definitely going back to cooking. I'm so much more on plan that way. We are splurging and going to a Japanese Steakhouse at some point. Brian always wants to go there and I am usually not in the mood for it. This week, I promised, we could go there for supper.

Oh, its a day late, but Happy Mother's Day to all the mommys out there!