Its time for some changes....

After a few days of very emotional eating, I've decided maybe WW isn't the problem. I have my motivation, but its not keeping me on track. I keep dwelling on and stressing out about WW and how I'm doing on it.....thinking its the plan or getting frustrated with myself because I'm emotionally eating which ultimately leads to more eating.

I was told the other day maybe I need to make some life changes--changes for the better. It seems so simple. Duh. Why didn't I think of that? Eliminate the stress. Eliminate the things that make you feel like you're going to go crazy and ultimately fall face first into a plateful of Gen Tso's Chicken like I did last night. (That General can make a mean chicken....).

Yesterday, I did a lot of thinking and have realized I've been in my "miserable" rut since last July. Just over a year ago, I asked to move to Brian's shift at work thinking it would make scheduling our lives a little easier. I guess for a few days a month it made things easier, but at the same time it opened up a whole other can of worms.

• Because Brian's a Lt. on the shift, I'm limited to the stations I can work, as he can't be my supervisor. That's frustrating in itself because the station I love to work at the most is in his sector. I worked there before he and I even started dating (on a different shift). I know this is very childish, but its like it was "mine" first so I've become resentful towards him. "Because of him" I can't work there, when in reality, I knew that coming in.
  
• I miss the people I worked with on my old shift. I got along with all of them. I could be partners with just about anyone. That's very much not the case on my current shift.
  
• My sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up. The night before work I like to be in bed by 830-9. That hasn't happened in over a year. Brian doesn't "need" sleep so he doesn't go to bed til 11 or midnite. I either don't go to bed til then or if I do go to bed earlier, I wake up when he finally comes to bed. I'm not the kind of person who can fall asleep in 15 seconds like Brian can. It takes me at least 15 minutes to fall asleep and once I'm re-woken (if that's even a word) I might be up for 2 hours.
  
• When I worked a different shift, I had my routine. My uniform was ready and all put together by a certain time. I got up at a certain time. I could sleep til the alarm clock went off. Now, with Brian being different I've let him (and not like he forced me, I just took the lazy way out) get me off my schedule. He gets up before me so I can "sleep" by that extra 20 minutes is very precious in the morning. Once I hear his alarm and shower water running, my extra 20 minutes is shot.
  
• We've had numerous fights about Brian working OT. I don't want him to work OT (even though I know he needs to) because it intrudes on our "us" time. Now, he'd be able to work OT on my shift or even the morning after my shift while I'm asleep and it wouldn't be interfering in our "us" time. And maybe if he worked OT on my shift, it might bring back some of the excitement of the possibility of running into each other unexpectedly throughout the day.
  
• I won't feel guilty about having a "me" day. I won't feel bad about going to Bed, Bath and Beyond or getting my nails done or hair cut. He won't be here anyway. Same goes with him. I think he'll be okay with doing whatever it is guys do when girls aren't around (within reason!! Better be no hanky-panky stuff going on!!) He can eat sushi and watch war and superhero movies every 4th day now if he wants.
  

So after making a pro/con list (those things are great sometimes) I've realized by us staying on the same shift, the cons very much outweigh the pros. The Captain on the shift I want to go to already said he'd love to have me back and he'll look at the options on Saturday. I just hope this goes through. Just hearing he'd love to have me back made a huge weight fall off me. I can't imagine how it will feel if I actually get transferred.

I don't know why I keep myself in situations where I "think" I can't get out of them. Most of the time that's totally ridiculous. I'm hoping this will be a snowball effect and get everything else rolling. Ironically, you know about this before Brian does (unless he's reading this right now). I think he'll be a little upset but he'll get over it. He knows I need a change. I really feel bad because I'm miserable more than I'm not. I just needed to figure out the root cause. I'm hoping I found it. I know there's a happy Sarah in there....I've met her before. I just want her to come back out and stay a while. I'm sure he'll be happy to see her again too.