Buddy system

Two friends of mine (plus one of theirs) are starting WW tomorrow. I'm going to transfer meetings to their location so we should have a nice little support system going on. I've never been to a meeting before where I know one other person, let alone three of them. I put the offer out there for anyone else in the area who wants to go....we'll see tomorrow if anyone takes me up on it.

I'm looking forward to it. Sad excuse to get girls together, but I'll take it.

I'm full of shit.

I was having serious doubts about going to WW today for my weigh in. I felt fat. My poop schedule is all out of whack because I traded shifts with someone. (I can only go poop the day after my normally scheduled shift....don't ask me why.) There I was this morning, all down and mopey, dragging my feet to get ready when Brian gave me the little push I needed to weigh in. He told me to be excited with ANY loss, because that means I lost more in reality since I'm full of shit. He's so sweet sometimes.

I was late to the meeting, but I got there. Let me tell you my surprise when the weigh-in lady said I lost 1.6!

Crackberry

Come Wednesday (or Thursday), I will be a Crackberry, I mean Blackberry, user like the rest of the world. It took me a little longer than everyone else, solely because I'm cheap. I couldn't see spending money on a cell phone. The one I had worked just fine. It made calls, it rang when someone called me, it sent text messages and it even gave me access to my email, even though I had to pay for it.

I had to call Verizon today for some information about my account when the ever so chipper Maria wanted to know if I was interested in upgrading my phone. I'm due you know. 2 years went by fast. So, I asked some questions and found out I could get the phone for free. (I like free.) And with the data package, I really would only end up paying an extra $5 or so a month once its all said and done. So I did it. Now, will I end up like those people who annoy me that are always texting (I know, I used to be one of those people in a previous life) or checking emails or replying to emails, especially while driving? (Brian?) Did my inside voice come out a little? Sorry. I hope not. I've never had a smartphone before, except when I have to at work. The one at work has very limited features so I don't think I really know what I'm in for.

Here's to technology!

Tomorrow. 9:30 AM. I'm there.

That's my big weigh in. I'm looking forward to it. I know I did well. I don't know how well because I've been avoiding my bathroom scale, but the way I see it I had to lose this week. I journaled. I increased my activity. I pre-planned. I was ready. Example? My cooler full of goodies went to my in-law's house with me yesterday for Grandma's 80th birthday party. I brought my own salad dressing, my own drink, and my own dessert. Instead of birthday cake, which we all know I LOVE, I shared a WW cookies and creme ice cream cup with my nephew, Carter. Amazingly enough, I didn't drop dead because I didn't ingest a piece of cake.

I can't wait to update my current and total weight loss status on the side of my blog. I'm only a week in and there were times where it wasn't easy. In the long run, I know it will be worth it. This time, I WILL be successful.

Come walk with us!

April 24th I will be walking in the National MS Society 5K. I'm a member of team "Next Steps" which is led by a former co-worker of mine. Her name is Debbie and she was diagnosed with MS years ago. Unfortunately, due to the condition worsening, Debbie was forced to take an early non-duty related retirement from the fire department. For many years she took care of and helped people who were sick and hurt. Now its time to do the same for her and all those affected by MS. You can donate by clicking on this link then choose team "Next Steps." As you can see by clicking here, the team goal is to raise $8,000. Over $6,000 has been raised so far, but we need to increase that number!! Walk to take a nice walk with us? Come join us! You can register here and sign up under team Next Steps. Our walk is in Columbia, MD.

She also has a great blog which describes in detail her battle with MS and how it has affected her life.

I need some Frontline

I got bit by a tick.

Flat out, Fold up

I love this! Traditional country was only 2 points. I put my turkey and veggies and a little light Miracle Whip on it, sprayed the outside with some PAM and "grilled" it. It was WONDERFUL!

I stood up for myself today

Its day three and I'm doing great. I swear everyday I feel just a little bit more confident in myself. I can even joke about the pants drama from last Friday. The more I told the story at work yesterday, the more I learned I'm not the only one out there like this. People I thought were lazy and didn't wear their uniform shirts because they were being stubborn really can't fit their second shirt into their pants so they just wear the T shirt. Guys were telling me how they are embarrassed to go up another size in pants. Its not just me. I'm not the only fattie around here. I'm just one of the fatties that are ready to do something about it.

Sitting in traffic on the Parkway, I texted Brian telling him what I wanted ordered for breakfast: an omlette with eggbeaters, cheese and onion. Apparently the restaurant didn't have eggbeaters, but had egg whites. Brian didn't think I wanted egg whites so he had them make the omlette with regular eggs. I'm glad he told me about it but it really screwed up my planning for breakfast. I was looking forward to eating an entire omlette for 8 points, but now I couldn't. Some sarcastic remarks were made by me but it wasn't til I got out in the parking lot where I stood up for myself. I told Brian I know he was truly thinking of me when made that decision, but he's not thinking of me in the way I have been asking him to. I need support in this battle. That means an extra call or text may have to be made to confirm a food order before its placed. The difference between an omlette with eggbeaters (or whites) and the omlette without was 5 points. That is a big deal. I told him, and was serious, that I'm able to do a lot on my own, but if he's not going to be supportive in certain aspects of this battle I'm going to have to cut him out of it.

I wasn't trying to be moody or a shit stirrer, but if I'm going to go eat somewhere and things are going to be ordered that are covered in sugar and lard, or whatever, then I'm going to have to avoid those events for my sake. I don't have a lot of will power. But I am determined to FINALLY be successful. I've stood up for a lot of people and beliefs even when they were unpopular. Now, I'm just looking for the same in return. I don't expect people to bend over backwards and have every meal made be a WW one, but at the same time, I do expect a little bit of supportive thought when possible. Although it caused a little tension between us, I'm glad I stood up for myself. Two weeks ago I would have eaten the entire omlette and potatoes and think there's always tomorrow where I can start over.

At least I didn't fall down and go boom.

I decided I was going to put the roller blades on today. I sat down on in the middle of the basement floor, struggled to get the hooks hooked, and was ready to go. Until I had to figure out how the hell to get up. Ironic how everything to hold onto seemed just an inch out of reach. I tried to use the dog but he just freaked out and ran away with his tail between his legs. Finally I shimmied my butt over to the chair (the chair that spins of course) and wobbled my way to standing. I was fine. Then I had to move. I started out on the carpet just to get a feel for it. I mastered rollerblading on carpet, let me tell you. Brave, I skated right over to the linoleum. That's when I realized I didn't know how to stop. The roller blades feel like ski boots, so I guess my skiing instincts kicked in (even though I haven't skied in 21 years) and I tried to "V" to stop. How quickly I was reminded I wasn't skiing as I "stopped" once I hit Brian's tool chest. That's one way to do it, I guess. I had wrist guards on just in case I fell and I feel as though they messed with me more than standing on a bunch of wheels. I didn't like the feeling of not being able to move my hands. Anyway, tomorrow I'm making Brian go somewhere with me so I can try it out again. At breakfast this morning Brian's partner was joking saying I better take my cell in case I got hurt. The more I thought about it, he had a point. So anything outside my basement, Brian's going with me. Brian's idea is for me to hold on to Remi's leash while he chases a ball or a bird or something. I feel the love.

I love Chipotle...without all the points.

There's a Chipotle in the neighborhood by the firehouse I'm working at today. My partner mentioned it early on in the shift and I knew that is what I was having for supper! I found this website that calculates the nutritional information for Chipotle's menu. What a lifesaver! Something I thought I could never eat again, really is within the plan. I ditched the tortilla, rice, guacamole, and half the sour cream and created a kick ass salad. It's the perfect blend of flavors and definitely filling. Gotta stay away from the chips, though!!

From my MIL:

A duck came down the chimney and they chased it around the house. The duck then laid an egg......I thought that was hysterical. They finally caught the duck and took it outside.

She says it happened at Brian's stepsisters house on the Eastern Shore of MD.

Rainy day thoughts

I went to a much needed WW meeting this AM. I tell myself I don't need it but seeing as I gained 10 pounds since I last attended January 7th, it appears I do need to be there. This past month I learned LOTS about myself and my needs.

1. I need to be held accountable. I have to write my food down, unfortunately.
2. I need to get active. (I did some sort of activity all but two days out of the last 10.)
3. Missy's right. I need to try new things.
4. I need to get organized.
5. I need to get my body on a routine/schedule. Being lazy on my three days off is only hurting me.
6. Processed food is not my friend.
7. I can hide vegetables in my meals and I don't have to put cheese on or in every meal.
8. When I go to a restaurant I need to eat 1/4 or 1/2 of what I was eating.
9. I need 8 hours of sleep.
10. I need to focus on me and that means saying no to others sometimes.
11. I have finally realized I will have bad days and that is okay.
12. Success does not happen overnight.

I addressed #3 today (sort of). I bought roller blades. I've been looking at them forever. The only problem is I have no idea how to use them. :)

Dancing Queen

The walk helped. Remi and I walked for 20 minutes. I was whooped. Our neighborhood is built on the side of a mountain so hills are prevalent. My lungs don't like them. I was so out of breath...I'm so embarrassed. I used to be the person who could play an entire basketball game without a break, and now I'm seriously huffing after climbing three flights of steps (with all my work equipment) or after 20 minutes of walking up and down some hills.

We got home and I decided to dance. I went on youtube and found the videos for some of the "club" line dances I did while on the cruise. I had a blast doing them, but would only did so if I had alcohol helping with the endeavor. With no one around, and therefore no need for alcohol, Remi and I did the Cha Cha Slide and Stomp and the Tootsie Roll in the dining room. Well, Remi did nothing except try to bite my sneakers each time I kicked.

Missy told me I have to try new things. I'm not comfortable trying new things but I know its something that needs to happen. This week, I'm going to take a Zumba class at the YMCA. Its based off of Latin dancing. I watched a few videos of it on youtube.com and I think it will be along the same lines as my dancing in my dining room tonight. I'll probably make an ass out of myself, but I figure that's better than my ass getting bigger.

Speaking of which.....
totally sucked last night. In addition to my uniform malfunctions, we ran a car accident where I had to get the driver out through the passenger side door. Long and short of it....we (I) got stuck. My left leg was outside the vehicle with a backboard balanced on it. My right leg and butt were in the passenger's compartment where your feet go. Combine my awkward positioning, my butt, belly, and boobs, and then sliding out this guy who's fighting a bit because he can't breath....it wasn't ideal to say the least. Its weird, my adrenaline gets flowing and I just start to work. I don't think about "getting stuck." But once the time comes I realize, "wow, this could get interesting."

A setback.

I had a breakdown last night. I couldn't get my uniform pants to hook shut. Then when I finally did get them shut, the hook literally went flying off around 3am in the bathroom when I bent over to tie my shoe. By that point I needed that laugh. Thank God no one was standing in front of me.

Brian and Missy helped me through it all last night, but I still feel like crap today. Missy told me it is just a setback and gives me more reason to push forward. I do believe her. I just wish that within these stupid two years, I could see some progress. I wish my stupid head would stop messing with me too. I obviously don't have the highest self-esteem right now so things like not being able to button my pants aren't setting real well with me.

I'm going to walk the dog around the circle and clear my head. Maybe that's what I need.

Drink a green beer for me!

OMG how could I forget? Happy St. Patrick's Day! Only the best holiday in the world! I saw someone came to my blog from Dublin. If there was only a way for them to leave a voice comment saying anything in an Irish accent. I'm a sucker for accents.

On the road again...

Last weekend we were in Richmond. Right now, we're headed to Cleveland.

I wish I could say our trip to Ohio was for pleasure, but its not. Our friend's father passed away, so Brian, Remi, and I are headed to his funeral which is at 11am today. That meant last minute shopping for funeral clothes. Luckily I found a dress and a sweater for next to nothing. I went high class and shopped at Walmart. LOL. I didn't want to spend a lot because I'm hoping I won't fit in a dress this size long. I even went all out and bought pantyhose. I think the last time I wore them was at my wedding. I had pantyhose on, but those ended up in the trash at the rest stop, just like the pantyhose did at my wedding.

I felt like a second-grader who comes home with her tights all bunchy around her ankles. The nylons apparently were too big, but the control top was acting like a tourniquet. Then I was falling out of my shoes because my feet couldn't "stick" to the bottom of my shoes. (I'm a real girly girl. Can't you tell?) Luckily the dress is flowing so I don't think it will be a real issue later. I did, however, forget my makeup at home on the bathroom counter, so now I'm all self-conscious about not having my face done up. Thankfully the acne stuff is finally under control but I just like looking a bit more finished. Brian says I look fine, but I think it says he has to say that in Chapter 3 of the boyfriend handbook.

Our drive is proving to be entertaining. Brian was mad because I wasn't talking to him (I was sleeping). Then when I started talking to him when I woke up he told me I was getting him lost (in a parking lot). Now he just let out a big, "whoa!" so I looked up thinking a car in front of us just rolled over or something. Nope. Just a Bob's Big Boy billboard. And Remi is being a perfect angel in the back in his new pop-up crate. Its like one of those pop-up hampers, only its a box for him. Its definitely a much quieter ride than when he's in his metal crate with a plastic liner. Claws on plastic is like nails on a chalkboard.

Neither of us have been to Ohio before. I hope we get a chance to go into Cleveland since we'll only be 20-30 minutes away. Maybe we can stop by the A Christmas Story house. LOL. I think its cool the house actually exists. I'd rather meet Drew Carey for a beer in his kitchen.

The family that we are visiting has a vineyard. They grow concord grapes for Welch's. Cool, isn't it? I think delicious.

S is for this sucks.

My "s" key won't type without me slamming on it and its starting to get on my last nerve. You never realize how many times you type the letter "S" til it doesn't work.

On a positive note, Remi and I went to the park tonight. Loved it! Its wonderful. There are playing fields everywhere, nice benches, tables with grills on concrete slabs, pavilions, playgrounds, a nice walking trail with a portion of it in the woods with a mulched path. Here is a map of it. Its huge! We definitely will return.

I ran the length of a toaster.

That sounds absurd doesn't it?

I was a little bit bummed with myself because I didn't get my walk on the treadmill at work yesterday like I hoped for. Today I decided to go to this park I've never been to before and walk around its track (0.9 mile) a few times. I was thinking about how I hate "activity" even though I really don't in general. I like the feeling afterward, but I dislike treadmills, cardio equipment and classes. I hate watching the time tick by on my walk to no where. I'm good on a cardio machine if NCIS is on, I'm good, but as soon as a commercial starts, so does the longest three minutes of my life.

I was being silly this afternoon "dancing" with the dog. He was all rambunctious and in playing with him, I ended up doing this stay in place trot. At the time, I was toasting my bread for my sandwich. I decided to run in place until the toast popped. I have absolutely no idea how long it takes for toast to pop, but I can tell you when you are running in place waiting for it to happen, it definitely take about an externity longer than it does to get all the fixins' out of the fridge while the bread toasts any other time. My heart was definitely pumping.

Next? I put some waffle fries (perfectly portioned) on a cookie sheet while the oven was pre-heating. I looked over and it was 300 degrees. 150 degrees to go til it was ready to cook. I ran in place. OMG it has to take about 3 months for that oven to pre-heat. But I got activity in. And probably a few minutes worth. I'm finding I'm good with activity and movement if I'm not focused on a time frame when I "can" be done. Maybe it means I'll start running in place while the shower water heats up (what a visual...ew), or while I wait for the kids brush their teeth before bed. A little here and a little there have to add up eventually. I'm interested to know just how much.

Family workout

We're headed south to Richmond. The first half of the trip was crappy with all the rain, but we've just past Warrenton and it finally stopped. I have to say, I'm quite excited about Ruths Chris. Everyone has been talking about it. Knowing its free makes it even tastier! :)

I did stick to my plan and got up early this morning and worked out. I did a Leslie Sansone 2 mile walk that was on Exercise TV. Brian and the kids walked in just as I started. Usually I'm all embarrassed because in my head I look ridiculous. I used to not allow even the kids to watch me. In their usual fashion, the kids started their fake, obnoxious laughing. Instead of me making my usual "face" to Brian indicating the kids had to find a new place to hang out for 30 minutes, I told them to join me. Even I was a little shocked once the words came out. For a little less than 10 minutes they worked out with me. We held hands as we "walked" back and forth and pretended we were the Rockettes when it came time to do our kicks. I have to say it was fun. They got tired and watched the remaining 20 minutes. Actually they were watching the timer in the top corner of the TV screen because I told them they could play Wii when I finished. They could care less about me at that point.

We dropped the kids off at Brian's parents and got to see Carter and Amy, and Bird which was a pleasant surprise as I didn't know they were going to be there. Mommom had lunch out which was perfect. Matzah ball soup, mini turkey sandwiches, kugel, baked tortilla chips and salsa, and grapes. Ok, maybe I had a cookie and half of a brownie.

I wish I had some sort of witty story to tell, but I can't come up with anything. I'm just happy I stuck to my guns and worked out this morning. I only earned two APs, but its better than the zero I've been earning lately.

Roll call

I'm updating my "blogs" list. Want me to add you? Leave a comment with your link.

Everythings better with butter.

Brian and I are headed to Ruths Chris tomorrow for the 15th anniversary of his part time job. They're paying for dinner, drinks, and a hotel room. There are perks to not working for the government, I guess! Anyway...Ruths Chris. First off, I've never been there before. Secondly, everyone tells me they lather everything in butter. I gotta say I'm a little nervous about how it will affect my eating for the day. I'm hoping I can get a workout or two in just to accrue, so to speak, some extra points.

Regaining my focus.

I've got another successful day under my belt. I'm a few points over, but nothing to worry about. That's why the extra 35 are there, right?

Can I tell you about my night? Of course I can. I'm doing the typing here. So, I was a little bummed. I had a hair appointment at 4pm and nothing to do afterward. I was ravenous, but I figured if I ate supper that early, I'd be scrounging for something later in the evening. I stopped at the convenient store and bought a string cheese and a nut & fruit granola bar. (Yeah me!) I went to Home Goods and TJ Maxx for a while. 630pm came and I was super bummed. No one wanted to go to eat with me. Everyone was busy or didn't answer their phone or was working.... I started feeling sad for myself then thought, screw it. I'm taking myself out on a date.

Where did we (I) go? Chickfila. I avoided pizza because if I got it I'd eat too much. I avoided pasta places because I was craving Alfredo and weight loss and Alfredo don't mix well together. Yes I was there yesterday, but I decided Chickfila was best because I knew the points value of the food, it would fill me up, and well, it was downright delicious. (NOTE: If you are without child, do not pick the table next to the play area door unless you want to be a volunteer door opener, babysitter, and "don't touch that" person.)

Then what? I was over feeling bad for myself. I was taking full advantage of my free time. Some people may choose massages or something like that when they have a free moment. Me? I went to Borders. I spent hours there. I wandered. I read. I decided to be cliche because I was in a book store so I ordered a hot drink. Their drinks are hot. Ask my right hand after I spilled green tea on it. (I don't know if they had a "hot" designation on my cup. Maybe I should sue. Barnes, Noble and Sarah has a nice ring to it.) I bought a book. I found out they make Little Golden books again so I shopped again and bought some more. And when I was all done, I realized hours had gone by. At no point was I hungry. I never once thought of food, even when ordering my tea and all kinds of sweets were staring me in the face.

What have I learned? I've lost focus. When money got tight, I stopped going out. I stopped going places where I could potentially spend money. But being so focused on trying to save or re-allocate our money led me to lose focus on me. A day I used to look forward to so much (Brian's shift) turned into just another lazy day where I did nothing. I stopped doing things I liked to do. Because we more comfortable financially doesn't mean I can go spend money like crazy. It does allow me to have a day every now and again where I can take myself on a date. Overall, though, this experience has taught me to always keep some focus on myself. I need that for my overall health. I need to get out. Maybe next time it will be a library, or a book club, or some community program. But, this battle with weight is so much more than food and exercise. Its about overall well-being. I can't forget that or I will not win this battle.

Do-right in the do right zone.

I'm not counting today as a do-over day. I'm counting it as my much needed "do-right" day.

I only brought snacks to work so I had to buy all my meals. I started my day off at Panera Bread and had a super delicious egg and cheese on ciabatta. Snack time (yes, I might be in kindergarten...minus the naptime) consisted of a WW mozzarella string cheese and 7 oz of strawberries. Lunch was DELICIOUS. I was craving chicken strips so I stopped by Chickfila and had a crispy chicken salad. I figured it was a better choice than chicken strips, potato wedges, and a biscuit. OMG it was wonderful! It was 13 points, which for some of you is nearly all your points for the day (LOTS of points a day is the one benefit of being a big girl...) but I loved every one of them. I'm glad I indulged in it because I didn't eat supper until 10pm which was a lean cuisine pizza. For my sweet, I got a mini bag (1pt) of kettle corn. At some point there was a snack of almonds but I can't remember when. I ended up 3 points over my target.

I exercised. My schedule at work got all messed up so I ended up at a different firehouse around 7pm. I was a little annoyed for various reasons so I decided to vent (without talking) and walk it out on the treadmill. It worked. I walked for 30 minutes then did some lifting with free weights while I watched NCIS (did I ever mention my love for my future husband DiNozzo?) and House. Luckily I wasn't interrupted by any 911 calls so I got the full workout in, plus a shower.

My motivation to "do-right" today? My ill fitting uniform pants. I've been down this road before, I know. But, today they were particularly uncomfortable. I've been hiding all winter under bulky sweatshirts. Today, even though it was warm, I didn't want to take my sweatshirt off because I didn't want anyone to see just how much my pants were pulling. I can't spend a whole summer like that. Throw in some sweat with a hot day and its going to be bad news bears for me (and my pants).

After seeing Elizabeth, I feel I have the knowledge to make good decisions. I proved I can do it one day. I can make one day two. And two days three. I have to work on my emotional eating and increasing my exercise. Maybe changing the word exercise to activity will help. I have to keep the house (and my car, bag, etc.) stocked with healthy snacks. I have to keep cooking. I have to stop doing things in parts...like eat good one day, cook another, exercise another. I have to do them all. Always. Remembering that is hard to do some days.

So I'm sure you're all dying to know....

how did I deal with my emotions? Well...I ate. But, before you give me an, "ahhh, Sarah....." hear me out. So early on yesterday I told Brian we'd need to go to happy hour--supposedly to get my mind off things. Happy hour for us used to be just that. Happy. But somehow it turned into this sad hour (or hours) where food and drink made us feel better. Or so we thought.

Around 4pm, we went to the bar, found a seat and ordered some appetizers and a beer. Harmless. We ordered a second drink. It went down, but not as smooth. It occured to me, I had no desire to drink. What used to be a "fun" event for Brian and I has turned into something depressing and it wasn't going to change anything. I still was going to be sad. It wasn't a coping mechanism. If it did anything, it was just going to make me pee. I ended up drinking fountain Diet Pepsi from that point on, which I found so much more refreshing anyway.

We had some appetizers. When Brian and I go out for Happy Hour (when we're happy) we don't order meals, we just get appetizers. It used to be our special date night so we didn't think about the crap we were eating, we just enjoyed it. Now don't get me wrong. I ate my fair share of junk last night. It made me feel better for a while. But it still didn't change anything. And unlike our "happy" hours, I felt guilty about it later. Our old happy hours used to be our "free" day back when we didn't eat crap. I don't know what we used to eat, but it was something that kept us skinny! LOL.

So, what made me feel better? Going home and watching TV in bed with Brian and having him whisper, "Goodnight peanut" in my ear. If I could just realize I'm going to feel guilty about what I'm eating BEFORE I eat it, I think I'd do a lot better.

I feel so guilty right now. I've been moping around since early this morning. I found out that a police officer that wrecked his cruiser last week died last night. I was dispatched on the call, and although I didn't end up treating him, I was at the hospital as he was wheeled in and spent hours with my crew making sure they got everything they wanted and needed from an emotional and mental point of view. I wanted to be sure they were cared for because 5 years ago I was the medic treating a police officer that died after a gunshot wound. I didn't get that support that was needed and pardon my French, but it "f'd" with my head for a while afterward. I met the officers dad at the hospital the other day and we made arrangements to meet tomorrow for lunch so the family could me the treating medics.

Anyway, everything has changed now. I'm sitting here sad, upset, concerned...emotional. Why do I feel guilty? Because as someone's family is mourning the loss of their 27 year old son/husband, I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I should deal with my emotions. I usually eat them away with something fried. Or greasy. Or cheesy. I want to do the same right now.

Someone call a doctor...

because it is Pizza Monday--the greatest self made holiday of them all--and I am eating one, yes one, slice of pizza. Did I mention only ONE?

Today's "morning after my getting off my shift" was less than typical. I had to sleep in because I was so tired I wanted to be sure I could drive home. (Bedtime for me was 530am.) I stopped at the hospital to visit someone I knew. I made all kinds of stops along the way home, the final being at this Italian place I used to eat at all the time when I was in medic school. My cell phone confirmed it was in fact Monday and since lunchtime was rolling around it was imperative that I follow Pizza Monday protocol and, well, eat pizza. I got in the restaurant and looked at the menu and ****SHOCKER*** I didn't want pizza! I know. I checked myself for a fever. I chalked it up to lack of sleep and delirium. What did I want, you may ask? A salad. I should have been a direct admit to the ICU right then and there.

Yep. A salad. And that's what I had. It may not have been the most healthy salad in the world as it was a chicken Caesar salad, but it was a salad nonetheless. I paired it up with bruschetta as I was craving tomatoes with olive oil and I don't really even like tomatoes. Then, to be safe, I ordered a slice of pizza....to go. I mean it would still be Monday for another 12 hours and I didn't want to get kicked out of the Pizza Monday fan club (even though I'm creator, President, and in charge of membership).

So, I FULLY enjoyed my salad and my bruschetta and on the way out the door, once comfortably full, I picked up my ONE slice of pizza to go. I napped the afternoon away, woke up around 630pm and now I'm enjoying my delicious slice of pizza. I think knowing there are no more slices to follow it up with, I'm actually savoring it. Or I've completely lost my mind and someone needs to save me.

Oh, balls!

I haven't been in over a week, but today I went back to the chiropractors for a good back crack and some exercises. They've made all of my exercises ball-based now which look so easy. Until you try to do them. Holy hell, I was so embarrassed! There were exercises that no matter HOW hard I tried, I physically couldn't do them. Like, balancing on the ball via my thighs then lift my leg and my alternate arm. I couldn't do it. I couldn't balance! We made some adjustments in my positioning so I could complete the exercises, but I was frustrated to say the least. What didn't help was the wall of mirrors to kick my brain back into reality. In my eyes, I looked like a seal trying to gracefully balance on the ball. It wasn't cute.

I came home with six or so exercises. I have an appointment next Saturday at the same time. There WILL be an improvement and George (the exercise guy) will notice it and compliment me on my progress. (Just so this happens, will someone call George and let him know his lines?)

On the food subject, I thought the meal plan Elizabeth gave me was too many calories. Yeah, why would I think that seeing as though she's the DIETITIAN. I'm so stubborn sometimes. Anyway, like I said last post, I'm combining her plan with WW. I ate this wonderful breakfast of eggs, toast and cheese with a snack of a pear and was completely full. I just sat down and logged it all into eTools thinking I'm going to be off track....nope. I'm only 7 points into my day. I still have 20 to go and its already 1pm. I haven't been on track like this, and not starving, in forever!

A pear for your apple bottom?

After much thought, I'm going to combine WW and what my dietitian told me to do. I prepaid for 3 months of etools, so I'm going to journal my foods online utilizing suggestions from Elizabeth instead of a paper that I've lost three times already.

I'm happy to hear Laura went back to WW since having her baby and my old partner is going to a dietitian next week. Now, I have two of my closest friends with the same goal as I. And knowing them both personally, I know exactly what they were like "before." Like if Mike can have will power and avoid Chinese food, then so can I. I think its more helpful having someone you really know on a journey like this. I just wish I had someone a little closer to me instead of them both being in PA and I'm here in MD. But, I guess I can't be choosy.

Did I mention I love pears? I do and I didn't even know it before last week. They are my new favorite snack. Did you ever think you'd hear me say I love fruit as a snack? I know--shocked the shit out of me, too.

I can't afford to be healthy

How sad is that? I honestly can't afford to eat the organic foods Elizabeth suggested. I spent $100 the other day at the store and that only got me two or three bags of food, and nothing substantial at that. Although I may not be able to afford to follow her plan to a T or see her every two weeks as she'd like, I'm glad I learned what I should be eating and when. In the past week my snacks have changed dramatically. I've learned what works and what doesn't. I'm eating fruit like its going out of style. So, I'm going to follow her basic rules, eat clean when I can, and see how it goes.

Well, I'm a few days into my diet plan and it seems to be working. I haven't had any issues with belly pain since cutting wheat out. I have to say its a little difficult eating organic all the time, especially when I'm at work, but I'm trying. Its a little more expensive so my pantry isn't exactly stocked like I'm used to. Well, the pantry still is stocked, but not really with stuff I can eat.

I have to keep a food diary just like I did with WW. And just like WW I find once I think I'm okay not to journal is the day I screw up. TOday is my screw up day. Tomorrow will not be.