Babysitter to your kid?

I had someone challenge me today about what kind of mother I will be when I adopt a kid. Yes, I've made the decision that sometime down the road, I will adopt as opposed to IVF or other fertility options.

No....I have no idea what its like to be a mother. I'm not one. I'm a stepmother, but apparently that means different things to different people. Unless you are one (or stepfather for that matter) you WON'T understand what its like to be just that---a step parent.

I feel I have more authority over the neighbors kid at times than I do my own stepchildren. I am reminded day after day that I am not "mommy." I have treated those kids as close to being "my own" as I can, in my opinion. I have held them when they cried. I have brushed knots out of their hair. I'm cooked countless "favorite" meals. I've been the go to person when, "a secret that Daddy can't know about" needs to be told. While lots of people disagreed with my decision, I stayed with their Daddy when things got really rough. I stayed for them so their life would not be disrupted again. No matter what my feelings are inside I've tried to keep a stable front for them.

I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I'm not looking for a thank you. Quite honestly, I'm not looking to be their mother, even though it hurts to know I've treated them the same I would treat them IF they were my own--and won't get the same treatment as a "mommy." But they have a mother who loves them very much and I would never try to challenge her position.

So, how DARE you challenge what kind of parent I will be. Some of us want a kid more than than YOU will EVER understand. Some of you thought having kids would be fun, or at least, the making them part would be. Know that some of us have been let down by God over and over again. I would take the child that you feared, regretted, or took for granted in a heartbeat.

You want to question me about being a stepmother or how I'll be as an adoptive mother? I challenge you to imagine your life without your kids and then be told the same as I was today. All I can say is its shitty.