Goal #1

I've gotten ALL kinds of responses from you all about my posts. Some people have me halfway into a fat farm while others think this is something I have to do on my own. Whatever your views, I just appreciate you are interested and care for me enough to even speak your mind.

I haven't decided yet if I'm going to go to OA. Whatever their values or what they stand for or if I qualify to attend the meetings....the point is I think I can use some help. Weightwatchers provides some of that help with their weekly meeting but lets be honest, they're still a corporation and are trying to sell a product. I've considered the OA group because of the support of someone else who's been successful within the group. Another part of me doesn't think I have to attend. I'm NOT saying I think I need nothing, because I'd be lying.

If I came off in my posts like I'm making another excuse, I'm not. I'm asking for help. If I don't have help, I'll eat all the time. My goal is to stop binging---whether its potato chips or cucumbers. Those of you saying my real issue is depression or that this is a bad coping mechanism...you're probably right, too. I don't think there is a end all, be all answer to this. Really at this point the origin doesn't matter.

From this point on I'm working towards goals, which I feel are fairly realistic:

1. Stop binging. Find other coping mechanisms. Instead of eating I have to find something else to do. (Today, by the way, I spent lots of money at Home Depot and Lowes. I came home and painted our entrance way with Oops paint I got for $2.50. Can't beat that.

2. Be realistic---stop saying shit like, "I'm going to lose 100 million pounds by next week.

3. Use support. I KNOW its not all about food. I KNOW I use food to cope with things. I KNOW I may be able to get over issues I have by using my friends and family.

4. Leave my house. I have to leave this place. The more I'm here, the more bored I get and the more I eat.

So....I'm going to blog. You might get sick of reading them and feel free NOT to. I need to. I had a counselor years ago that told me to journal. This is my journal. The advantage is I get some advice along the way.

I started today with goal #1. I found something else to do when I felt like binging. I was actually productive. The easy way out is to sit around and sulk. I have to pull myself out of this comfy chair and get my mind on something else.

There are some of you who WON'T understand my thinking, my actions, or my posts. Thats okay....because, in reality, they're for me, not you. And if this is going to help me, then you better like it. :)