Flat out, Fold up

I love this! Traditional country was only 2 points. I put my turkey and veggies and a little light Miracle Whip on it, sprayed the outside with some PAM and "grilled" it. It was WONDERFUL!

I stood up for myself today

Its day three and I'm doing great. I swear everyday I feel just a little bit more confident in myself. I can even joke about the pants drama from last Friday. The more I told the story at work yesterday, the more I learned I'm not the only one out there like this. People I thought were lazy and didn't wear their uniform shirts because they were being stubborn really can't fit their second shirt into their pants so they just wear the T shirt. Guys were telling me how they are embarrassed to go up another size in pants. Its not just me. I'm not the only fattie around here. I'm just one of the fatties that are ready to do something about it.

Sitting in traffic on the Parkway, I texted Brian telling him what I wanted ordered for breakfast: an omlette with eggbeaters, cheese and onion. Apparently the restaurant didn't have eggbeaters, but had egg whites. Brian didn't think I wanted egg whites so he had them make the omlette with regular eggs. I'm glad he told me about it but it really screwed up my planning for breakfast. I was looking forward to eating an entire omlette for 8 points, but now I couldn't. Some sarcastic remarks were made by me but it wasn't til I got out in the parking lot where I stood up for myself. I told Brian I know he was truly thinking of me when made that decision, but he's not thinking of me in the way I have been asking him to. I need support in this battle. That means an extra call or text may have to be made to confirm a food order before its placed. The difference between an omlette with eggbeaters (or whites) and the omlette without was 5 points. That is a big deal. I told him, and was serious, that I'm able to do a lot on my own, but if he's not going to be supportive in certain aspects of this battle I'm going to have to cut him out of it.

I wasn't trying to be moody or a shit stirrer, but if I'm going to go eat somewhere and things are going to be ordered that are covered in sugar and lard, or whatever, then I'm going to have to avoid those events for my sake. I don't have a lot of will power. But I am determined to FINALLY be successful. I've stood up for a lot of people and beliefs even when they were unpopular. Now, I'm just looking for the same in return. I don't expect people to bend over backwards and have every meal made be a WW one, but at the same time, I do expect a little bit of supportive thought when possible. Although it caused a little tension between us, I'm glad I stood up for myself. Two weeks ago I would have eaten the entire omlette and potatoes and think there's always tomorrow where I can start over.

At least I didn't fall down and go boom.

I decided I was going to put the roller blades on today. I sat down on in the middle of the basement floor, struggled to get the hooks hooked, and was ready to go. Until I had to figure out how the hell to get up. Ironic how everything to hold onto seemed just an inch out of reach. I tried to use the dog but he just freaked out and ran away with his tail between his legs. Finally I shimmied my butt over to the chair (the chair that spins of course) and wobbled my way to standing. I was fine. Then I had to move. I started out on the carpet just to get a feel for it. I mastered rollerblading on carpet, let me tell you. Brave, I skated right over to the linoleum. That's when I realized I didn't know how to stop. The roller blades feel like ski boots, so I guess my skiing instincts kicked in (even though I haven't skied in 21 years) and I tried to "V" to stop. How quickly I was reminded I wasn't skiing as I "stopped" once I hit Brian's tool chest. That's one way to do it, I guess. I had wrist guards on just in case I fell and I feel as though they messed with me more than standing on a bunch of wheels. I didn't like the feeling of not being able to move my hands. Anyway, tomorrow I'm making Brian go somewhere with me so I can try it out again. At breakfast this morning Brian's partner was joking saying I better take my cell in case I got hurt. The more I thought about it, he had a point. So anything outside my basement, Brian's going with me. Brian's idea is for me to hold on to Remi's leash while he chases a ball or a bird or something. I feel the love.

I love Chipotle...without all the points.

There's a Chipotle in the neighborhood by the firehouse I'm working at today. My partner mentioned it early on in the shift and I knew that is what I was having for supper! I found this website that calculates the nutritional information for Chipotle's menu. What a lifesaver! Something I thought I could never eat again, really is within the plan. I ditched the tortilla, rice, guacamole, and half the sour cream and created a kick ass salad. It's the perfect blend of flavors and definitely filling. Gotta stay away from the chips, though!!

From my MIL:

A duck came down the chimney and they chased it around the house. The duck then laid an egg......I thought that was hysterical. They finally caught the duck and took it outside.

She says it happened at Brian's stepsisters house on the Eastern Shore of MD.

Rainy day thoughts

I went to a much needed WW meeting this AM. I tell myself I don't need it but seeing as I gained 10 pounds since I last attended January 7th, it appears I do need to be there. This past month I learned LOTS about myself and my needs.

1. I need to be held accountable. I have to write my food down, unfortunately.
2. I need to get active. (I did some sort of activity all but two days out of the last 10.)
3. Missy's right. I need to try new things.
4. I need to get organized.
5. I need to get my body on a routine/schedule. Being lazy on my three days off is only hurting me.
6. Processed food is not my friend.
7. I can hide vegetables in my meals and I don't have to put cheese on or in every meal.
8. When I go to a restaurant I need to eat 1/4 or 1/2 of what I was eating.
9. I need 8 hours of sleep.
10. I need to focus on me and that means saying no to others sometimes.
11. I have finally realized I will have bad days and that is okay.
12. Success does not happen overnight.

I addressed #3 today (sort of). I bought roller blades. I've been looking at them forever. The only problem is I have no idea how to use them. :)

Dancing Queen

The walk helped. Remi and I walked for 20 minutes. I was whooped. Our neighborhood is built on the side of a mountain so hills are prevalent. My lungs don't like them. I was so out of breath...I'm so embarrassed. I used to be the person who could play an entire basketball game without a break, and now I'm seriously huffing after climbing three flights of steps (with all my work equipment) or after 20 minutes of walking up and down some hills.

We got home and I decided to dance. I went on youtube and found the videos for some of the "club" line dances I did while on the cruise. I had a blast doing them, but would only did so if I had alcohol helping with the endeavor. With no one around, and therefore no need for alcohol, Remi and I did the Cha Cha Slide and Stomp and the Tootsie Roll in the dining room. Well, Remi did nothing except try to bite my sneakers each time I kicked.

Missy told me I have to try new things. I'm not comfortable trying new things but I know its something that needs to happen. This week, I'm going to take a Zumba class at the YMCA. Its based off of Latin dancing. I watched a few videos of it on youtube.com and I think it will be along the same lines as my dancing in my dining room tonight. I'll probably make an ass out of myself, but I figure that's better than my ass getting bigger.

Speaking of which.....
totally sucked last night. In addition to my uniform malfunctions, we ran a car accident where I had to get the driver out through the passenger side door. Long and short of it....we (I) got stuck. My left leg was outside the vehicle with a backboard balanced on it. My right leg and butt were in the passenger's compartment where your feet go. Combine my awkward positioning, my butt, belly, and boobs, and then sliding out this guy who's fighting a bit because he can't breath....it wasn't ideal to say the least. Its weird, my adrenaline gets flowing and I just start to work. I don't think about "getting stuck." But once the time comes I realize, "wow, this could get interesting."

A setback.

I had a breakdown last night. I couldn't get my uniform pants to hook shut. Then when I finally did get them shut, the hook literally went flying off around 3am in the bathroom when I bent over to tie my shoe. By that point I needed that laugh. Thank God no one was standing in front of me.

Brian and Missy helped me through it all last night, but I still feel like crap today. Missy told me it is just a setback and gives me more reason to push forward. I do believe her. I just wish that within these stupid two years, I could see some progress. I wish my stupid head would stop messing with me too. I obviously don't have the highest self-esteem right now so things like not being able to button my pants aren't setting real well with me.

I'm going to walk the dog around the circle and clear my head. Maybe that's what I need.

Drink a green beer for me!

OMG how could I forget? Happy St. Patrick's Day! Only the best holiday in the world! I saw someone came to my blog from Dublin. If there was only a way for them to leave a voice comment saying anything in an Irish accent. I'm a sucker for accents.

On the road again...

Last weekend we were in Richmond. Right now, we're headed to Cleveland.

I wish I could say our trip to Ohio was for pleasure, but its not. Our friend's father passed away, so Brian, Remi, and I are headed to his funeral which is at 11am today. That meant last minute shopping for funeral clothes. Luckily I found a dress and a sweater for next to nothing. I went high class and shopped at Walmart. LOL. I didn't want to spend a lot because I'm hoping I won't fit in a dress this size long. I even went all out and bought pantyhose. I think the last time I wore them was at my wedding. I had pantyhose on, but those ended up in the trash at the rest stop, just like the pantyhose did at my wedding.

I felt like a second-grader who comes home with her tights all bunchy around her ankles. The nylons apparently were too big, but the control top was acting like a tourniquet. Then I was falling out of my shoes because my feet couldn't "stick" to the bottom of my shoes. (I'm a real girly girl. Can't you tell?) Luckily the dress is flowing so I don't think it will be a real issue later. I did, however, forget my makeup at home on the bathroom counter, so now I'm all self-conscious about not having my face done up. Thankfully the acne stuff is finally under control but I just like looking a bit more finished. Brian says I look fine, but I think it says he has to say that in Chapter 3 of the boyfriend handbook.

Our drive is proving to be entertaining. Brian was mad because I wasn't talking to him (I was sleeping). Then when I started talking to him when I woke up he told me I was getting him lost (in a parking lot). Now he just let out a big, "whoa!" so I looked up thinking a car in front of us just rolled over or something. Nope. Just a Bob's Big Boy billboard. And Remi is being a perfect angel in the back in his new pop-up crate. Its like one of those pop-up hampers, only its a box for him. Its definitely a much quieter ride than when he's in his metal crate with a plastic liner. Claws on plastic is like nails on a chalkboard.

Neither of us have been to Ohio before. I hope we get a chance to go into Cleveland since we'll only be 20-30 minutes away. Maybe we can stop by the A Christmas Story house. LOL. I think its cool the house actually exists. I'd rather meet Drew Carey for a beer in his kitchen.

The family that we are visiting has a vineyard. They grow concord grapes for Welch's. Cool, isn't it? I think delicious.