Week #2

I'm improving. Not in leaps and bounds, but its getting better. It definitely has not been easy but I am trying my hardest to listen to my body.

In the weight department: I have no idea if I gained or lost or stayed the same. I didn't go to WW this week because of work conflicting with my meeting date. I find my focus shifting from weight loss to overall wellness. I'm not saying I'm giving up on weight loss, but I'm focusing more on the global "me." I want to be sure my foundation is good and stable. Thinking like a house---if the ugly concrete is slowly crumbling, its only going to hold up the fancy house for only so long. Once the foundation falls, all you're left with is a fancy house in pieces.

As far as food goes, its been hard but I'm seriously thinking when I eat. I stop when I'm full. Actually, I can't do that yet, so I've been eating a portion of the food in front of me, then stopping. If I'm hungry still ten minutes later, I'll eat more. If I'm at a fast food place, I get either a kids meal or the smallest portion they have. I haven't had fries in over two weeks. I've been substituting mashed potatoes, baked potatoes or veggies for them. I've been hiding fruits and veggies in my meals to make sure I get everything in that I'm supposed to. I'm chosing snacks like the dietitian taught me to hold me over until my next meal. If I'm craving something I have a similar substitute so I don't overdo it. Like chicken fingers, lets say....I have a bag of Tyson breaded chicken strips in the freezer. I'll pop two (serving size) in the oven or microwave and mix it with some lettuce, reduced fat cheddar, sunflower seeds and lite honey mustard dressing. It takes me some time to eat it, so its not like I can eat 5 strips in 5 minutes that way. I'm saving $$ because I'm not going out the door spending $ at some restaurant. And, I am still eating what I'm craving but within reason.

I haven't literally wrote down my feelings before I eat like my therapist said to, but before I eat ANYTHING (not just pre-binge), I pause and think about it. Its been working. Sometimes, I find I'm eating because I'm tired. Novel idea....when I'm tired I'll take a forty minute nap on the couch. Before, I'd eat instead of sleep and all I ended being was full of food and guilt and still be tired.

I can say I have only had two binges this week. As you can tell from a previous post, I'm confronting issues. I tell people the truth no matter if its going to go over well or not. I'm not a bitch about it. Like this morning Brian and I were cooking breakfast together (we cook half and our neighbors cook half....then we go to their house for brunch) and I heard myself say I was getting frustrated about how I didn't have much workspace. In the past I'd keep quiet until I blew up on started yelling. I could be wrong, I think I said it to him in a way that he was able to adjust something without getting his ass chewed out. I don't know about him, but I had an enjoyable time cooking breakfast with him. Its something we did years ago together but after lots of fights we avoided the event all together.

I feel like Brian and I are getting closer. We are communicating better. It feels like he's finally listening to me. Now, whether there has actually been a change or its just the way I perceive it, I don't know.

Brian told me last night I'm doing better now that I'm back on my anti-depressant. LOL. I'm not on it. :)