Friday, July 23, 2010

Going to a Wedding

I went back and forth trying to decide if I should go to PA today or not. The two concerns holding me back are running into my family and my eating once I get there. The family issue is pretty self-explanatory. The food---well read back to my older posts and you'll see after most of my PA trips I come back like happy as a glutenous pig in lard.

This trip isn't about me. Its about a wedding and the friend who's getting married. Sooner or later, I have to go home again, with or without Brian. "I CAN do this," I thought last night. I just have to make better decisions to do so successfully.

1. I found a Holiday Inn Express about 40 minutes away for $70. I could stay at Laura's house, but I figure if I do it will exponentially increase the chance of me eating too much. Leftovers will be there and I remember how much I ate when her wedding was at her house. I can't afford to do that now. There won't be any issues with where I stayed. My family won't even know I was in town. Plus, by staying in the hotel I will already be 45 minutes into my trip back home Saturday. The hotel is not near a restaurant so I can't drop in for a late night snack nor a nasty breakfast in the morning.

2. I'm bringing my Coleman. Yep, my cooler. I'm going to pack my lunch/snack for the ride up. I'll bring breakfast for the morning and maybe even a lunch for the ride back as well.

My only concern is the wedding buffet tonight. I told you I have had successful days and not so good nights. Its seems like every night since Monday, I've had some sort of schedule issue throwing me off balance. I have been trying to eat before I go somewhere to help me NOT eat more once I get there but that kinda blows up in my face.

My goals:

1. Exercise. Today and tomorrow. I may not get to Planet Fitness today before I leave but I think I could get a few minutes on some sort of cardio machine at the hotel before I go to the wedding. Maybe I'll even dance. LOL Probably not. I'll carry Onyella around or something.

2. Watch the food. Think before I eat. Don't get overstimulated by PA food. And, I gotta watch what I eat prior to leaving. I have to allow myself some extra points for tonight. I can't get to the wedding thinking I'm really only going to eat 6 points worth of food. That's unrealistic.

I'm a little embarrassed to go to the wedding, honestly. I don't know if anyone even pays attention to me, but I feel like all eyes are on me -- "OMG look how big she got." I'm really struggling with what to wear.

I can't hide anymore. I have to get out there and be a big girl (no pun intended) and act like an adult. I hate when people don't hold themselves accountable for their own actions. I've learned I hate myself for not doing the same. Its time I started and I can't do it by hiding inside.

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