I think my "tomorrow" is today. This is the first morning in weeks that I've got up out of bed and did not dread going about my life (although still not a fan of going to work----saving grace is "spring forward" one less hour for me!). I know I'm being vague and there is good reason for that. There's just been a LOT of aspects from various parts of my life over the past few weeks that seemed to all come crashing down in a domino effect. Some of them have sucked, some have made me nervous, some were just downright odd, but I've learned something from all.
Over the past few years, it seems that if you make it through something bad, there's usually some sort of good. (Or maybe I've just been lucky so far....) I've learned if something seems too easy or you consciously take the easy way out its going to bite you in the ass later on. Getting over any kind of conflict, whether a friendship, boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, family, usually takes a lot of compromise, understanding and most of all, time. I've also learned that stupid saying "honesty is the best policy" is very true. Its hard to do sometimes and the immediate outcome sucks, but overall, its the only way to move on with your life.
When I was English class we used to have to find common themes to stories. I hated that. But now I get it. Through my "stories" of the past few weeks (and some being years) I've learned communication (sooner than later) is key and honesty is the best policy:
A friend and I finally cleared the air from something that happened 10 years ago. We're not going to be buddy-buddy, but at least we both know the truth and why things happened the way they did.
I finally decided to have a sit down and talked to the friend that I posted about a week or two ago. Things by no means are all better, but when I confronted them, they seemed genuinely remorseful (or they're a really good liar). I posted that I wasn't sure if it was worth trying to repair our friendship. I've decided to give it some time and see if things can work themselves out. I'm obviously not calling this person with my deepest darkest secrets or telling them anything I don't want out in public anytime soon, but I'd like to think they just made a really bad judgement error and it was a one time deal. I think its just going to take a lot of time to fix that wound.
Sometimes its hard getting through to other people. Talk about stress trying to get people to see things the way they either actually are or from your point of view. It feels like you're smashing your head against a brick wall. Time is all you can pray for on that one. Its taken years, but I think someone else finally sees things from my point of view.
And then there's my ex-husband. After a few years, we finally were in a place where we felt ready to say what we had to say about our failed marriage. Awkward, to say the least, but that talk was definitely worth it. There was no blame placed. Actually, we took accountability for our own failures. We've both learned from our mistakes and will hopefully learn to use those mistakes for the better. We both realize just how important communication is. We didn't communicate. Honestly, if we did our marriage may have worked, but we were too afraid the "truth" would hurt each other. Many years too late, we both told the other our "truthes" (if that is even a word) and how we actually felt. Maybe its easier to do it now because we've both moved on in our lives---both are in new relationships. The worst that could happen is we won't talk to each other again. But it worked out for us. We are now in a place where if we run into each other at a restaurant we're not going to want to throw up. We can be civil and talk like friends. The biggest benefit to talking to him was that we both agree, no matter how strong our friendship was, we never should have gotten married.
Sometimes it takes a while for the smoke to blow over to see or remember what the base was of any given relationship. Then you have to decide if its worth working to get back to that base.
So, today is my day. I'm moving on. There will still be some rough days ahead, because no day is ever perfect, but I think the last domino has fallen and its time for a new game. I have learned to learn from every situation---learn which ones you want to do over, which ones you avoid at all costs, which you just have to sit and wait for, and which ones you messed up at and will never do again. I guess its like putting your hand on the hot stove. It hurts like hell, and hopefully it will only happen once. That's why they call it learning. If you do it a second time and still don't get it, you need some remedial training.
Out of bad comes good. Now that the past few weeks have soaked in and I'm done crying and bitching, I'm ready to move on. Worst case is something else bad will come up, but I've learned, communication is key and honesty is the best policy. I'm not holding anything back whether its "you have spinach stuck in your teeth" or "I hate you." It will hurt now or later, and I've found the later hurts 100x worse.
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