Jump rope

Who: Me.
What: Jump roping.
When: 30 minutes ago.
Where: On my patio.
Why: Brian will be mad at me if I get a rope tied around the pipes in the cellar.

The information that was not listed, but should have been listed, on the side of the jump rope box:

• Beginning new endeavors, such as jump roping on the patio should be held off until the temperature is at least 50 degrees.

• There are some risks/side effects one should look out for when making the decision to begin a new workout regimen, such as jump roping, in 19 degree weather.

Possible risks/side effects:

• There is a rare chance that the nose will run uncontrollably.
  
• There may be an inability to breath after a mere ten seconds.
• The feeling that the inside of the lungs are literally on fire may occur.
  
• Injuries to the right big toe is possible. There have been reports that repeatedly hitting a nearly frostbitten toe with a hard, weighted vinyl jump rope causes the sensation of a brick thrown on the same frozen toe at a high rate of speed.
  
• Small children should not be present while the jump roper is jump roping because some non-child friendly words may be spoken.
• Gloves are optional, but encouraged.
• Upon finishing the jump rope endeavor, allow 15-20 minutes "thaw" time.
  

• Sit back and reflect on the experience: before jump roping the jumper was probably warm, cozy, and uninjured. Afterward, most ropers think about how frigid their hands, ears, and toes are but also think about how they're grossly sweating under all those layers. As the right big toe defrosts, the feeling of pain will indeed increase, which will make the jumper not want to take the shoe off any faster. The roper can add an activity point to their journal for the day. But most of all...

• Why in the hell did I decide to do that today???