I worked out today. Ok, so it wasn't the most strenuous workout I've ever had but it was a few minutes more than the nothing I would have normally done. Brian and I went all over God's green Earth today running errands. Around 5pm, we decided to go the pool at the gym. Once there, Brian got a bug up his ass and signed in for a cycling class. What did I do? I kept my fat ass planted in a pool lounge chair. I mean, come on, I was studying my General Orders for work. I was getting smarter. Because of that, I now know exactly what to do if I need to plan a fire department funeral. I sat poolside for 45 minutes and started to feel guilty. Brian was working out and there I was baking in the warm sun. Just then, I felt a hand in my hair and standing there was Brian, slimy and gross. And smelly. But, with a huge smile on his face. "I loved it. I'm coming back Sunday morning!" Ugh. That was not what I wanted to hear. I mean it was. Good for him. But he might as well just put me in a ditch and shovel "guilt dirt" all over me. Then he asked me what I was doing. Um...studying? Then I think he asked if I was going to workout. I think that may have been when my hand swiped across my lard ass and I heard myself say, "yeah, I'll study on the treadmill or something." Did I just say that outloud? That was supposed to be an inside voice. That was what I should do, not what I wanted to do. His reply? "Ok, meet you in a half hour." Half hour? You know how many seconds are in a half hour? Like a million. This was going to be bad. I was hoping the gym would suddenly close or something. Gas leak, water main break, power outage. Yeah, power outage. Treadmills don't work without electricity. Nope, all lights were lit when I walked in.
I went in the pool locker room to change. Bad call on choosing that locker room instead of walking upstairs to the female locker room. Someone had a serious case of shitty diaper. Even the toddler who owned the diaper said so from the stall. Mom had a frantic tone of voice trying to yell to her 4-5 year old daughter hanging out on the bench in the changing area to "hand Mommy extra wipes, RIGHT NOW!" Guess Mommy wasn't expecting anything exciting poopy man's drawers. So, then, there I stand....me and stinky pants' sister. Awkward. This little girl is staring me down. Like a 13 year old boy would be but not quite as excited. I'm trying very subtly to change around her. I kept covering myself and....it was just awkward. I turned to take my bathing suit top off and put my bra on. I swear she was sliding over on the bench to be nosy. Go away!! I digress.
So, after changing the power was still on so I had no excuse. I got up on the treadmill with my big binder of General Orders and started trekking away. I was impressed. Well, until I almost fell off the back of the treadmill because my feet obviously weren't moving as fast as the belt, but after a minor adjustment I was all better. I picked a good speed, a good incline...I even started to sweat. Then Brian showed up and started talking to me. I, not paying attention, accidently hit the stop button on the left rail. Then I couldn't get it to start again and I started to cuss at it. That's when Brian said, "ok, I think you can go home. You got sweaty, you did more than you would have sitting outside." And he was right.
In counseling I'm learning all about myself and why I am the way I am. I was raised to do things well. I was raised with serious consequences if I didn't do what I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do them. (I was seriously grounded an entire school year once. Laura can vouch for me on that one.) Through my counseling we've determined I expect to be good at things. If it doesn't happen I quit. If I'm average, I have to be better than average. Its just the way I was taught by my family. You never know just how many lessons your parents "teach" you and how they affect your life. I hate the gym because I don't feel I'm good enough at it. Or, if I don't do what I'm "supposed to do" (ex. 30 min of cardio) whats the sense in doing it at all? Or, I'll schedule for a time when I can do the full 30 minutes (which never really happens). So, this is one of those things that instead of beating myself up over what I didn't do, I have to be proud of what I did do. Today I swam for 15 minutes and did 12 minutes of incline @ 4mph on the treadmill.
Be sure to read Sunday or Monday. Brian's trying to persuade me to take a cycling class with him. I'm kind of against it, but at the same time I think I should try new things. Especially since he had a big smile on his face after completing it. And, he didn't outwardly say, "Sarah, you'll hate it" which is something he'll do if he knows I'll hate something. I'm sure if I do it my ass will feel like its going to fall off, but maybe that is what needs to be done to lose the "lard ass" reference. After all, I do have about 10-15 lbs to lose before November's physical. WW alone isn't cutting it.
Speaking of procrastinating at the gym, I've now officially procrastinated enough on studying. I think Section 3 of my General Orders will be my bedtime story.
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