Sunday, March 8, 2009

I've been in a blogging slump, as I'm sure you've noticed. I've been in a mood and I don't know how to describe it. Over all, I'm okay...like I'm not sick or anything. But "something" has been bothering me that has me feeling kind of, well, in a slump. I've been doing the emotional eating thing even though I'm not sure what emotion I'm feeding. Watching the scale rise then makes me feel like I'm a loser at the WW game even though realistically no matter how many times I say I'm on plan I know deep down I'm not. I've become a load and procrastination has kicked in big time.

The day has finally come that I've been threatening myself with for a year or so. Yesterday I found out the hard way I fit in only one pair of my uniform pants. And that single pair definitely was not easy to hook shut. I was scared to death to squat down because I swore they were going to split right up the ass.

I left for work all kinds of upset. How did I let myself get to almost 190 pounds? The little joke of growing out of my big girl pants has actually come true. Will this finally be my wake up call to get on plan the way I should? And for more than a week or two? I've given up on promises and "I swears." No one can hold my hand. I say I want support, but I have to support myself.

Driving to work all pissy yesterday I realized I haven't eaten pizza, my favorite food in the world, in over a week. The first few days sucked, but here I am alive without pizza and I'm not really even craving it. It took some will power. But I don't think I'll have a problem with no pizza til Easter.

Will that thinking work on all foods? To keep me in my points range til I see some results? I don't know. I know its all up to me. The question is, am I ready? I don't know. I just know I want to be comfortable in clothes, especially at work. I'm ready for those, "did you lose weight?" comments.
I'm jealous that my roommate from college is all gung ho about starting WW. I wish it were me. I wish I was ready to give it all I got.

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