Starting with a clean slate

I weighed in today...problem was I lost my weight tracker book. I had my monthly pass, so the lady had my info. She said I gained a pound, which I'm okay with considering I haven't weighed in in a few weeks and had Hanukkah and 3 Christmas' within that time. So, she suggested we start new. I'm good with that. So, I'm starting out the year with a clean slate. No ups or downs or bad weeks. Today is the official first night for me.

Tonight we're having a few people over for New Years and are attempting to have it as healthy but tasty as possible. (Not counting alcohol.....) I'm off to find some appetizer recipes.

Stepping along in new ways

In an effort to, well to successfully lose this year, I'm trying new things. Tonight: McDonald's grilled classic sandwich, no mayo. Quite delish if I must say so! Kinda makes me wonder why the hell I've been eating breaded chicken strips there all this time. And, its a great option when I'm at work and in a rush.

I wore my pedometer today. I took 8127 steps. I don't feel like I took that many steps. I don't know if thats a lot or not, to be honest. Well, I actually took more steps than that---I didn't put it on until 7pm when I went shopping. There's no way I took 8127 steps, right?

Weigh in today. I'm a little nervous. Not sure what to expect...a loss would be such a great confidence booster right now....

Need some prayers

Lorena and I worked together as ER Techs while she was in nursing school and I was in paramedic school. We were weight buddies---we both lost, and gained, together. We finished school around the same time and ended up going our separate ways. She got hired as a nurse and I was hired by the fire department.

As it would be, Facebook brought us back together. I found out she had her ups and downs with her weight, as I did, but she did awesome and finally overcame her battle. She had successfully had gastric bypass surgery and it changed her life. Come to find out, she lives about 25 minutes away from our new place. She became pregnant and delivered a baby boy, Carson, at 8pm tonight.

Tonight should be the happiest night of her life, but her other son, Julian, who I think is 9, is fighting for his. Monday he was hospitalized. They think a virus attacked his liver and put him in septic shock. Right now he is on a ventilator so he doesn't have to work so hard to breath and he's on dopamine to keep his pressure up.

Please, please, please, pray for Julian as well as for Lorena (and family) to get through this all. She's already fought so many battles in her life, she'll get through this one too. Prayers can't hurt though.

NEPA trip

The ride was yucky, but we made it to PA just in time for supper Saturday. I do NOT miss I-81 roads, especially through Schylkill County when its rainy, foggy, and windy. My parents were happy to see us. The kids got TONS more presents to dirty up my parents living room with.

I endulged in some cookies yesterday when we had yet another Christmas dinner, but other than that, I feel I did pretty well. Not once did I feel overfilled, which is definitey abnormal for me and a PA trip. Can you believe I even ate fruit while there?! I know....shocker.

After visiting with Laura and Miss Onyella (super cutie) this morning we stopped at a local restaurant so I could get my fix of PA pizza. (Brian doesn't like it--they're square, so I have to get it myself.) I ordered two slices, ate one, then ate half of my chicken cheese steak. Yes, that's still a good amount of food, but ask Brian its MUCH less than I usually eat. I could down four pieces of pizza no problem and have a side of pierogies as well. I can't believe I haven't thought of this before---leftovers. I can enjoy that meal again. Maybe tomorrow at work. Amazing concept. You don't have to down it all at one time.

Could I have done better? Yeah, probably. Am I happy with the outcome? Absolutely. I think this could be rated as my "best" (eating wise) PA trip yet. I'm actually looking forward to my weigh-in New Year's Eve.

Now....if we could just get home. This ride feels like its taking forever!!!

Merry Christmas! To all of you who follow and support me, thank you. New things are to come. Next Christmas, there's going to be a whole new Sarah. I promise. :-)

Yeah!!

I got a much needed pedometer for Christmas from Brian! How many steps am I supposed to do a day to be beneficial?

I LOVED every single gift I got from Brian. The best is he is working 24 hours for me on Christmas Day and I get to spend the day with one of my closest friends. :) Thank you honey. Even on our worst day I'm happy to have you.

Restart

I feel more on track today. I got encouraging words from a few people yesterday which may have been just what I needed.

I'm back to journaling. I had myself a super delicious breakfast--although high in points (10)--it had fiber, protein, and sweetness. Everything I need to keep me from snacking or searching to fill that sweet tooth. I can see myself having a late lunch/early supper. Good thing about being a fatty is you get extra points, so I still have 18 to play with for the rest of the day.

For now, I'm off to have a much needed day by myself with Brian. :0)

I've been humbled.

I just don't get it. I find it so easy to fall off this damn wagon. I had such good momentum going then I missed a meeting because of work and snow, got in a bad mood over something stupid and all went to hell. Its a vicious little cycle.

I was humbled back to reality last night. I met my Captain at work to go over my PPA (performance appraisal). I read it over and saw I got "outstanding" and "exceeds satisfactory" for every field until it got to my physical fitness. "Needs improvement." I know it was no real shock, but damn, I need improvement. My Captain is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. I don't think he has a mean bone in his body, so its almost painful for him to say bad things. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry. I wish I could change it but they (management) are really coming down on these PPAs." He's referring to their accuracy. That means he can't fudge the paperwork and make me 7'8" tall so my weight would be acceptable. He went on to say, "with the needs improvement, you can't get the leave award. I'm really sorry." That means I don't get two free days of annual leave a year. (Not that we get to use them anyway, but I'm sure it equals $$ somewhere down the line.....)

I was embarrassed. I said a lot of "its okay" and "its not your fault, don't be sorry." In our job, joking our way out of things is a good coping mechanism. I made jokes til all the paperwork was signed ending with, "well, hopefully it won't an issue this time next year." With that, I thought we were done. He looked at me and uncomfortably asked, "are you doing anything to lose it?" Huh. "Yeah. I go to Weightwatchers," was my reply. But right after I said it I thought, "that's kinda like going to an AA meeting drunk." I mean if you aren't following the rules, what good is the meeting?

I've been doing quite a bit of self-reflection. I haven't really come up with anything yet. I still pray that one day I'll wake up 60 pounds lighter, but I'm pretty sure I need a different prayer book (and God) for that one to happen. I keep trying to find that "thing" -- that perfect fit -- so I can finally be successful at this challenge but I don't have luck. I buckle down and give myself a few good days and then something happens and I'm back to where I started. Usually in the kitchen eating shit.

I know part of the gain is hormones but Lord knows thats not the bulk of it. Its just an easy and valid excuse. I had someone suggest a nutritionist, but I've never been to one. The one that was suggested to me is supposed to be great but super expensive. Now I've got the thinking of expensive and failure tied together. The nutritionist won't work. I've already talked myself into it. Ugh.

I'm not down and out....just frustrated and baffled. And waiting. If you find that prayer book, let me know.....

What we have here

is a good ol' fashioned snow storm. Its snowing its butt off and we're enjoying every minute of it. Bella and Brandon are here and were out playing by 9am. Remi LOVED it and is worn out. Brian made a nice big breakfast, we already have plans for grilled cheese and soup for later and at some point, Xmas cookies will be made. Its feels perfect.

Retin-A

Anyone use this before? Holy hell, yesterday and this morning I looked like a snake moving out of his skin. I don't do skin---dry, peely skin, bubbly skin, any kind of non-normal skin. Wanna gross me out? Start peeling your sunburn in front of me and I'll probably start gagging. But what do you do when its your own face falling off? I gagged a little. Mainly when I put lotion on and I could feel all the peely stuff start to roll up. Ew. Grosses me out thinking about it.

Body in motion

I'm back on track. I'm so glad I got to the point where I'm able to have a bad day, get over it, and move on.

I started walking. No, not the mountain climbing I did a week or so ago with Kim, Brian and the dogs, but little walks. Last night we took a patient to the hospital, I cleaned the medic unit up and then had nothing to do while my partner wrote his report. I decided to take what ended up being a 15 minute walk around the campus of the hospital. It is too wet to walk Remi around in his normal pee areas today so we went for a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood. The walks are just long enough where I feel I did something but not long enough where I'm loathing every minute of it. My hope is all these little walks will help my endurance so the big walks won't seem so horrible. The only downfall now is the air is just so damn cold. I try to keep bundled, but then the sweating starts. I need to look into some of those "warm" clothes like Under Armor or something that wick moisture away but keep you warm. And tissues. I definitely need to stick some tissues in my pocket. Damn runny nose.

Confession

I feel like I should tell you I've eaten like shit today. Not lots, just bad, bad, a lotta lotta points choices. And the sad part is I can't even say one of my choices were the "comfort" food I was hoping for. What a downer.....

Time to suck it up and move on to tomorrow. I've still got 4.5 days left. Weigh in is on Friday or Saturday this week since I work Thursday.

Down again

Week 4 weigh in:

This week: lost 5.4
Total: lost 2.4

Water, water, go away!

Well, all I gotta say is my medicine works. I love my diuretic (prescription). I've lost 7 pounds since Friday. More than that, I feel sooooo much better. You don't realize just how uncomfortable you can get until you lose all that extra bloat. My joints aren't hurting as much and not having "cankles" is a nice plus. I'm very much looking forward to my weigh in on Thursday.

So, I went and I gained 4.6 lbs. The sucky part about being in week 3 is that puts me 3 pounds over my beginning weight. Ha. Well, its okay. I feel better about weighing in and I'm back to tracking everything.

I don't feel like cooking tonight. Brian suggested we eat out. I agreed. The kids don't. Ugh.

I propose a new intensity level

I still haven't weighed in. I was due yesterday but I didn't go. I think I'll go today just to be back on track, but I'm being a baby and don't want to go because I know I gained. Good excuse, huh? Not really, I know.

Brian, Remi and I started walking with our friend Kim and her dog Shelby yesterday. It was one of the more painful things I've done in quite a long time. I found out we live on a mountain. A very steep mountain. And once you go down, you eventually have to come back up. The coming up part is where my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I think WW needs another field when determining activity points. There's low, moderate, high intensity. There needs to be a "I think I'm going to die" intensity. I met that one multiple times yesterday. But, the hour walk earned me 6 APs. I can't complain about that.

I made buffalo chicken pasta for supper last night. It was good, though spicy. I ran it through recipe builder and it was 6 points for 8 svgs.


Buffalo Chicken Pasta


main meals
POINTS® Value: 6
Servings: 8


Ingredients
8oz Whole Wheat Penne
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 pound(s) uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 Tbsp paprika
1 1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
1 1/2 tsp Durkee Pepper, Black Ground
1 medium red onion(s), sliced
1/2 c texas pete hot sauce
1/2 cup(s) light sour cream
3/4 cup(s) fat-free skim milk
1/2 c Light Blue Cheese Salad Dressing

Instructions

Cook pasta according to directions.

Heat oil in skillet. Cut chicken up into bite sized pieces. Put chicken in skillet. Mix together paprika, garlic pwdr, salt and pepper then sprinkle over chicken. Once chicken is almost cooked through, add onion slices. Add hot sauce and let simmer for 2 minutes.

In separate bowl, mix together milk, sour cream and blue cheese dressing.
Add mix to chicken and heat through. Once heated, mix with pasta.