I get it.

Isn't it weird when you "get it?" Like, when someone tells you to try something, in this case a "reward" for achieving a goal as motivation, and you try it yourself and it doesn't work. But then, one day, it works. I don't understand it, but yesterday I got it.

I worked my butt off (unfortunately, not literally) at the gym yesterday. On the way home I stopped at Barnes and Noble's to look for something for a friend. After wandering, I found myself in the journal section. Its the craziest thing....its like I was drawn to this way-to-expensive-for-a-journal journal. I picked it up and bought it. Now, its not like I haven't bought something before like this, but this very pretty journal was my "reward" for going to the gym. Maybe more a reward for finally getting over that hump of, "I hate the gym, I'm not going" attitude. I want to go. I'm looking forward to the results.

I drove home wondering what this journal was going to be about since I blog already. I started writing and this one was different. It wasn't "poor me" or "I can't do this" or "I blame...." It was, "this is the beginning and I'm going to document it all." I want proof this time of my progress. I want to see the bad "before" me. When I lost before I didn't want to remember that old me. Now, I do. I want to have something to look back at.

In the journal will be my next goal and reward. What will the reward be??? No idea. Maybe it will just come to me like it did last night. I'm glad I finally "get" it.

My new favorite video....

I've got to say, I've had a good few days. I've made it to the gym twice and had awesome, sweat dripping workouts. I've figured out my workouts are based all on the music I'm listening to. My MP3 player has great stuff on it. I've even had to extend some of the workouts a few minutes longer just to finish listening to a song. Tomorrow, I'm throwing some weights in the mix.

My days with Brian have been super great, We went to a Caribbean Wine Festival this weekend where I got pinned against a tree after I was folded up in one of those nylon chairs that fit in a long bag. Anyway, I fell over, tried to brace myself against the tree with my hand and the chair folded up on me with me still in it. I'm sure it was humorous. It would have been funnier had I been drinking already. I do have to say two glasses of wine and listening to Brandon say he wanted to get a "shit zoo" dog when we move definitely helped the mood. We kept tell him he was saying a bad work so now he just says he wants a zoo dog. This is the kid that told Brian he was "half Jewish and half Christmas."

I'm so ready to move it's not even funny. No, we're still not packed, but at least we've started. We're selling stuff like crazy, which is good because our "want" list for the house is growing. A trip to Ikea today just added a few hundred more bucks to that list, but I'm really happy with some of the stuff we picked out. Oh, and I bought myself a new lightning fast laptop today. I've been using Brian's 6 year old laptop all this time and I swear it moved slower than molassess. Two days ago it breathed its last breath and died. This one is so much faster, I can't believe it. Brian asked why I got off the computer in such a short amount of time....we figured out the other computer was so slow loading things it took about 3 times the amount of time to look at the few sites I check out. Today I looked at everything in no time!

PS. Anyone interested in a free gray kitten? My sister has two "oops" kitties from her tramp of a daughter. (The cat, she doesn't have a daughter.) This is the cat she took to the vet to get fixed and the doctor came back out and told her he couldn't do the surgery because Tillie was preggo. So, Leigh (sister) had to schedule for a 3rd time. Remember, the 1st time Tillie ran away was no where to be found. That's when she got knocked up. You can be the best parent sometimes and teach them right from wrong and still things go aray. I think she should have got her teenage birth control but who am I? Just the crazy aunt. Huh...now how does she feel caring for 4 cats? And, I'm the crazy aunt.......

:0) Cats are like humans in our family.

A good morning so far

I'm feeling pretty good about today. Instead of indulging in some really bad for me breakfast, I had some cereal. While staring at the cabinet holding the mess of cereals, I decided to make serving sized baggies filled with the cereal. Two birds with one stone: I cleaned up the mess and now can grab a bag of cereal when I need a snack or as I'm walking out the door for work in the morning. Now, I just have to find a nice Thermos or something to hold my milk.

After my clean-up, feeling very Weight-watchery today, I logged into WW.com. Much to my surprise is an updated site. IMO, its much better than before and easier to use. I'm looking forward to journaling. No weigh in this week. I'm in a good mood. I don't want to ruin it!! :O)

I'm still around.

Sorry. I put myself in quarantine with the recent swine flu outbreak.

Really, don't get me started on that one. I know, I know, it could have been the worst pandemic since 1918, but get real here people. 1918 was a long time ago and I think we've made one or two medical advances in that time. Yes, I fully understand how viruses spread and that was one of the main concerns. With all the hype, I don't doubt for a second the virus was spread to less people because everyone was worried about catching it. Maybe every winter we should all stay home when sick, wash our hands, and cough in our elbows so we don't catch the flu without a curly tail. Its a completely unheard of idea. (Note my sarcasm.)

At work we got to wear these really fun N99 respirators. There's nothing like walking into a home with a family that speaks only Romanian and try to determine why their three year old is laying in bed with blue lips, hands, and feet, eyes rolled back and an obvious fever. So now my focus went from aggressively treating this kid to fighting to keep the stupid mask in a position where it would stop pushing my glasses up to where the lenses are a at nauseating level right in the middle of my view. Then there's the, "oh my God, I need to blow my nose NOW," problem where there's no stopping it. As you can tell, I can't wait til we get to wear them again. Especially when you walk in a Romanian's house and they think we're wearing them because they are Romanian. I need to get that version of Rosetta Stone so I can explain things in the future.

I don't feel like I have anything intriguing to write about these days. I'm not going to bore you with the WW's ups and downs (more ups than downs). I went off one of my medicines, which DEFINITELY cut back on cravings and mindless eating which created a loss but the side effects weren't worth it. I'm back on the medicine and feeling, oh, so much better!!

I don't know about everyplace else in the world, but allergies in the DC/Baltimore area are kicking my butt. Its been such a long spring so far. The sinus infections are finally gone, but the remnants of everything else remain. The downfall is when it finally stopped raining and Noah's Arc floated away, the beautiful days really were beautiful. All I wanted to do is keep the windows open, but after a while I didn't even notice how nice it was between my coughs and nose blowing. We're working to tweak a good allergy regimen so once we move in the new house I can fully enjoy everything it has to offer, even if it is in the woods and next to a lake.

Along those lines, we just started packing today. We don't settle til June 26th, so we're taking our time. Thank God for craigslist.com and amazon.com. We are selling stuff left and right. It's really a win/win for us. Its that much less stuff we have to pack up and haul out, but its also $$ in our pocket to put towards the next house for the first few projects we hope to complete. The house is looking mildly disasterous and I'm sure it will only worsen over the next few weeks.

We decided to save money and move ourselves. In theory, it is a good idea. In reality, I'm not so sure. Brian's mom and I helped him move into his apartment a few years ago and that wasn't exactly pretty. Brian gets a bit snippy, as do I, but he tries to be Superman and do it all. Finding out the hard way, I've learned its not worth fighting back. Its more fun to watch him struggle and ask for help anyway. This time around there will be NO kids "helping" us. For the apartment move, Bella ran full speed into a patio door and Brandon got his hand slammed in the steel door.... No kids.

That's it. Sorry, I couldn't be more entertaining.

You have one message.

There's nothing like checking your voicemail figuring it's going to be a "pick up some milk from the store on your way home" message and hearing a frantic, "I'm assuming you are working, call me back, there was an explosion and four maydays on Donnell Drive!" That's the message I got from Marshall this afternoon. He works day work for neighboring DC Fire Department and received info that in PG County what started off as a gas leak at a shopping center ended up as a building explosions. The maydays? They are put out when a FF is down or missing. Since I got off shift this morning and live in Baltimore I had no knowledge of the explosion. I started making phonecalls and of course they all ended in voicemails. No information. Ugh. Now I know why my mom used to get made when I didn't call if I was going to be late. Immediate thoughts are extremely negative.

As public safety providers we are used to dealing with other peoples emergencies. Honestly, there is usually minimal emotion involved. We do our job and we go home. But hearing that a building exploded and there are 4 FF's hurt or unaccounted for just makes our stomach's drop. No matter how much we may complain about each other the fire department is a family. Finding out a co-worker is hurt is like finding out your mom got hurt. The standing joke of our department (not really funny) is we have a horseshoe stuck up our ass and its got to drop eventually. We have had so many incidents that honestly should have killed or disabled one of us. Knowing that horseshoe is eventually going to drop, everytime we hear of some injury or major incident, we prepare ourselves for that day to be the day our luck ran out.

Eventually, I got a call back from someone with an update. Everyone is okay for the most part. One person has a back injury, three others have 2nd degree burns, and another has a sprained ankle. As far as civilian injuries---I have no idea. The building was evacuated prior to the explosion. We always see pictures of aftermath of disasters and think, "holy crap, I can't even imagine." There is video on WUSA's page that shows the explosion from one of our "drive cams." (Cameras inside FD units and police cars.) To the left you can see one person walking away and one, maybe two FF's walking toward the building. How more people didn't get hurt or killed is nothing short of a miracle.

How do we deal with all of it? Sick humor usually. I heard today is the birthday of one of the girls injured. One of our co-workers went up to her and said, "sorry I missed your birthday party, heard it was a blast." She laughed. Things are going back to normal. Now we just have to find out who's ass that horseshoe is in and stitch that butt shut.

rain, rain, go away!

It is so depressing around here. I could never live in Seattle. All its done, and all its going to do is rain this week. Who wants to be productive in crap like this? Blah!

I decided to weigh-in at a meeting on Tuesday. The weigh-in lady handed me my book and said, "sorry, you gained." I looked at it and was super excited. Yeah, according to the last time I was there in March, I most definitely gained. But since returning from the cruise, I've lost nearly eight pounds. Its not coming off easily but its coming off. I'm back to cooking suppers, however I did give in today and ended up with a patty melt and onion rings for supper. I'm blaming it on the rain. :) Good news is the rye bread was just toasted, not lathered in lard then grilled in the frying pan. Still a lot of points, but I can work with it.

The only thing else going on is I'm trying to get back to sane. My doctor and I made the stupid decision to take me off one of my medicines for anxiety because a possible side effect of it was weight gain. I just about went crazy. Actually, I think I did a few times. WTH was I thinking? Finally got to the point where I was calm and stress free and thought it would be a smart idea to just stop the medicine that creates that feeling. I'd rather be 300 lbs, than EVER go through that mess again. I've been kinda low-key the last few weeks. Thats why. I didn't want to put myself in a position where I'd be angry-ish with someone even when I didn't mean to. Sometimes I really hate that I can't control anxiety issues and some depression stuff on my own. But I guess accepting it is one of the first steps to overcoming it. And, when all else fails, I just call my friend to come over and she tells stories about how she taped EVERYTHING to her desk to let the night guy borrowing her desk not to move stuff. I was laughing my butt off. Sad part is, in one of my minimal patience moods at work the other day I almost taped a patients head to the stretcher so he'd stop moving it. He ruined my plan though because as soon as I pulled the tape out he stopped. I need to come up with a story to compete with hers.

I hate swine flu. I hate people who think they have swine flu even though they aren't sick. I hate the masks we have to wear because people who aren't sick think they are sick with swine flu. I don't even like the name of swine flu because it makes me think of Babe the pig, and there's no way he'd do something like harm mankind with a flu. And, we can thank the media for most of this over-reaction. Yes, its better to be on the safe side, but I don't see how we can compare this to the pandemic of 1918 or whatever it was. That was almost 100 years ago. Medicine and technology have definitely improved in that time. And the biggest kicker of them all, if EVERY flu season was treated in the manner we're treating it now (closing schools, masks, stay home, Tamiflu, etc.) the number of people getting and dying from the regular flu would decrease. Maybe the gov't is afraid we'll all grow curly pig tails or something from this version. The flu might be worth it. I think I'd look cute with a curly-Q tail on my backside. I've the got the ham hocks already....might as go all out.

Its 2am and I'm off to bed, hopefully. I pray everyone forgets how to call 911 tonight. It would be wonderful to sleep a few hours straight. There's one thing rain is good for...meditating me off to la-la land.

Slowly, but surely

Down .8 lbs this week. I used to get upset by "mini" losses like that, but I finally got the thinking back that little stuff eventually adds up to big stuff.