The ones where it starts off wonderful, then WHAMMO! something smacks you from behind and it all comes crumbling down. I had my food all planned out for the day yesterday. I had lunch and supper which ended up getting eaten for breakfast and lunch. Suppers plan was to IHOP it. I was only getting pancakes and light syrup. Side order at best. My partner and I got there around 7pm and sat down to order. I got a little excited when I saw omelets, so I "ok'd" myself into an omelet and pancakes. The not so pleasant waitress came to take our order and told me I couldn't get the kids version. What!? She said I was over 12. I was going to argue with her and say if I stood outside and ordered carry out they would give it to me but because I was in a booth in a lovely uniform, I can't have a kid sized breakfast. Whatever. She wasn't worth the breath I was going to use up arguing with her. I ordered the adult sized portion. Asked for lite syrup. Never got it. Of course, as any firefighter/medic knows, a meal is not complete unless you get a call in the middle of it. "Good," I thought to myself, "this is God's way of telling me no more deliciousness for you, Sarah." Instead of leaving the extra on the table, I plopped it in a doggie bag. (I know, I know, bad decision!)
So, we responded to this car accident. I will spare most details, because I know none of you really give a crap. Ultimately, my judgment (which I would stand behind my decision til I die) was questioned and I was ultimately overruled about the treatment/transport of my patient. Unfortunately, being in a para-military line of work, I really couldn't run my mouth and defend myself or question why we were being overruled. Well, I'm sure I said some stuff but that was an off the book, unofficial Sarah rant. I was a bit fired up. And an hour or two later, in an annoyed emotional state, there I sat with my IHOP deliciousness covered in strawberry syrup. I don't know when the strawberry syrup got there. I swore I put normal stuff on as we were running out the door for our call. Either way, I stared, had a conversation with myself that I should just throw it away. About ten minutes after that, the pancakes were gone. And they weren't in the trash (unless you're calling my belly trash and that is just not very nice).
This morning I found myself very sleepy and sitting in a booth with Brian at a bagel place eating a wonderful seasame bagel with PB&J. Just the smell of it proved it wasn't reduced fat PB. I could smell the extra grams of fat. And the full of sugar jelly.....mmmm, may just convert me back from my current sugar free preserves. I know I shouldn't eat tired. It's kinda like driving drunk. Bad judgement, bad driving (honestly, some days), and bad decisions.
I know I have to look past it and now, at 5pm, I'm over it and moving on. I'm back on track. But those mini breakdowns are so frustrating. It makes me feel like I've lost all control and the easy thing to do is continue that downward spiral (its a very yummy spiral I've found, too).
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