Tantrum

I'm pouting and wish it was appropriate for a 28 yr old to act like a 3 year old in the middle of Kmart when they find out they are not getting a bag of M&M's. Why? I hate being good! This WW stuff sucks....there's temptation everywhere. So many places to eat lunch but all I see are places with delicious, non-healthy food. Its so frustrating not to be able to eat whatever it is I want.

Brian just told me I have to go to bed and take a nap. I'm gonna fight it, but he's gonna win. Just like an adult does with a 3 year old.

bye-bye pizza :(

And the pizza has it. A new home on the coffee table in front of someone else's couch. Brian eagerly picked up a "last pizza" tonight for supper. I'm going to be vigilant and not give in to the pizza demons. I know they'll be attacking me with their fang teeth and taunts, but I'll show them....I hope.

I feel as though I may be out of the loop.

For two weeks I keep telling Brian about here and there having pancakes for dinner. Churches, Knight of Columbus, you name it, they are having pancakes. How awesome is that? Breakfast for dinner. I, myself, am a HUGE pancake lover. Ask Brian. We've had pancakes for breakfast every day for over a week. (I found an IHOP copykat recipe that we tweaked a bit to make WW friendly.)
We didn't talk much about it. It never crept up into the back of our heads as to why everyone would be having pancakes around the same time.

A few minutes ago, I was snooping around FB and saw a few updates about eating pancakes and Pancake Day. I had no idea. Whammo! I was hit in the head with knowledge and its becoming clearer now. I'm still not exactly sure why pancakes are a big thing for Fat Tuesday except the Polack's like their's with a glass of vodka. Mmmm, tastes like burning. I read what Wikipedia and a few other sites had to say about it, but does anyone have more input? Now that I know, next Fat Tuesday will be a HUGE pancake night. I can't wait. It will be awesome.

One week and counting

I'm still sick. This sucks. My body is tricking me. I was sick as a dog all last week. Friday or Saturday I felt well enough to go out but I was tired afterward. Sunday I slept a lot but thought I had enough in me to go to a few stores to get out of the house and walk around. I swear I was going stir crazy in here. I was really tired after that, but I thought with some good sleep I'll be able to go to work. Hell, I work at one of, if not, the slowest units in the county. I could lay around and be lazy. That was my plan until 1am. I was coughing when I first laid down but it wasn't too bad. At 1am, I woke up coughing up a lung. Brian suggested I call out for today but I didn't want to. Still sick? Yes. Sick enough not to go to work? I didn't think so. I tossed and turned and coughed. And coughed. And coughed. Finally I decided to migrate downstairs to the chair. I dozed off maybe for 10 minutes or so with the cats then the hacking started again. Even Mattie wouldn't sleep with me because I was keeping her up. Baxter's a trooper and stayed by my side for hours. At 2am, I finally gave in and called out. Which now means I have to go to the doctor for a note. I was trying to avoid the doctor. Brian reminded me I do this every time. I get sick, start to get better, the coughing starts and then the doctors visit with some prescriptions and a note saying I have bronchitis or an upper respiratory infection. Ugh. It's like a challenge or something to me. I think I will get better without a doctor until my body sucker punches me and says, "take that, tough guy." Soon I'm just another hacking person sitting in a waiting room. I really think my body and I should go to a mediation session or something...you know, to figure something else out instead of the sucker punches.

I am a mean, mean lady

You know, I really feel like an awful person sometimes. I was walking into a store yesterday and this little boy was sitting on the bench asking everyone so politely if we were interested in buying some candy he was selling for some activity he's involved in. I honestly carry no cash, so I told him no on the way through the doors. But to make me feel worse, he asked again on my way out. I had to say no a second time. Nothing like stabbing that knife in and twisting it a few times. The second time I couldn't even look at him and all I said was "I'm sorry."

I wonder what they think? Do they even care that I say no. I'm guessing they don't feel as bad about as I do. I don't really remember getting turned down when I sold stuff when I was young, but I guess that is because we went to all the close family members and my dad took the rest to work. Pizzas were only sold during Lent, so everyone bought one to go along with pierogies on Friday nights. Krispy Kreme donut day.....hell I'd buy all of my own donuts. I remember we all used to eat an entire box between dismissal and when we got home. (Those were the days....a box of donuts and a skinny mini body.) Maybe they think nothing. Maybe its just my own guilt inside. I think I might start a fundraiser. I'll sit on a bench with all the yucky snacks in my house. You know the ones you just had to try so you bought three boxes worth? After the first bite it was determined they were unedible. Then you're stuck. You can't throw away 2+ boxes....that was paid for with good money. Anyway, I'll ask people if they want to buy something than say all proceeds benefit the Sarah and Brian furlough fund. Ha. Two birds, one stone. Clean out the pantry and a few extra bucks on the side. Yeah, right.

Speaking of Lent and pizza, I'm thinking about giving it up for the full 40 days. I don't know, maybe I said that last year until I ate my first slice. But, I really want to. Years ago I gave up Diet Pepsi and anything fried. That was tough but I did all 40 days. And honestly after 40 days I didn't even want it. Obviously since, I have changed my mind back. I used to eat cheesesteaks when I was college like crazy. One everyday for late night because they were soooo good in the dining hall. And no one makes a sandwich better than the guys on the grill dancing and singing to Go-Go music. Mmmmm, late night. I digress. Anyway, cheesesteaks. I stopped for 40 days and since, I eat cheesesteaks on very rare occasions. We'll see. I have another day or two to decide. Its gonna suck.

My one wish in life...

is to have a cable box that works. Not the kind that works for a week or so, then stops working so you have to schlep the thing back to Comcast or Verizon to get yet another box that probably will stop working. I want the one that works because its supposed to work and wants to live happily ever after with my TV.

Lets go back in time.

Ever talk to friends from a long time ago and wish you could go back in time again just for a little while? There's been a few people recently I've either talked to, got emails from, found on Facebook or even had in my dreams that makes me wish to go back in time, even if for a little while. Makes me realize I'm getting older and there's no chance of being 18 again. That might not be a bad thing though.

I sound like a frog.

Ribbit. Now I'm sick. I woke up this morning at work with a froggy voice, but felt fine. Now I'm achy and have no appetite and have the littlest cough that I know will probably turn into a painful thing later.

Ugh. At least I'm not puking and yacking like everyone else.

I need to stop looking.

We finally have a plan for our plan...to move that is. This morning we met with our mortgage guy who laid everything out on the table for us. In order to keep the same mortgage we have now, the max we can get a house for about $280 - 300K. (BTW, for the DC/Baltimore area, its nothing to spend a minimum of $500,000 for a townhouse...yes, it's pathetic.) You'd think we'd be able to afford more, but with Brian paying alimony and child support its tough. We definitely don't want to be house (mortgage) poor. Luckily for us, the market sucks so we can definitely get a nice single family in the neighborhood we want for a price we want.

The downfall, we really can't look for houses now. He suggests we sell the house or at least have it under contract before we look. That way there are no contingencies attached to us and we can bargain a little more than if we are waiting to sell this place. It makes sense. I just never considered we may have to live in a hotel or an apt for a few months til we found the house we want once the townhouse is sold. We also were told even if we lose money on this house (less than $10K) we will definitely be able to make that up in the purchase of the next house. He said he settled on a house last week that was asking $400K and it sold for high $100s. Some people really want to sell their places----especially if they've been in it long, then no matter what they should make some profit.

We also have to decide on a loan. I won't consider anything other than a fixed rate loan. I've always done 20% down, but based on the price of the house and what I'm going to walk away with from selling this house....we'll I'd probably need to work on getting another $20K or so. Its very possible to do if I work OT, but then he mentioned an 80/10/10 loan. Everything's fixed rate with 10% down. The mortgage would end up being $200 more a month though. So, we have a bit to think about and talk over with our realtor.

Its nice to finally have a number though.....a "comfortable" max of what we can spend per month and live like we have been. Some people are buying these McMansion's (I was one of those ppl about 4 years ago) for lots of money and really, does it make your life any happier or make the living environment any cozier? I could dump lots of money to have the fancy big house, but I've learned, the hard way unfortunately---and I think Brian would agree) a house is what you make of it. We'll find something in our price range and we'll make it ours. You can keep your McMansions. (If you've got some McNuggets though, feel free to stop by and share!)

Today for lunch....

I had two Pepperidge Farm Soft Baked Snickerdoodle cookies and a Diet Pepsi. And every last crumb was worth the 6 points.

Keep their family in your thoughts and prayers

A friend of ours lost her dad two days ago and her mom today. Both parents were elderly and have been sickly for quite some time. She, along with her siblings, have been caring for both. She had a two hour trip one way just to get there and for at least three months I think she's been at their bedside nearly non-stop.

Dad's death was somewhat sudden. Mom was in hospice for nearly two months after fighting cancer. I can't imagine losing both of my parents at the same time. But, I'd imagine there has to be some sense of relief knowing neither will never have to suffer or deal with the medical ailments that controlled their lives for years. Now they both can be together and live their lives in peace eternally. Although their children's lives may be in shambles now, having to deal with two deaths at one time, they too will eventually find peace knowing they treated their parents with dignity and respect by caring for them til their final moments here on Earth. They will come to accept Mom and Dad moved on to their next chapter of their life. Good memories will overshadow bad and with those memories, a little piece of Mom and Dad will always be with them.

Why men shouldn't take messages....

Nothing like being a disappointed bitch at 225am.

I've been craving....almost drooling for a Diet Pepsi all day at work. I was a good girl, though. Water and Crystal Light all day. But, you see, I just spent the past 2 hours sitting with a lady who is fond of vodka and paraphernalia. She says (very loudly, I might add---so all patients and their families in the ER could hear) that I was a bitch. Over and over and over again. Sometimes that would be justified, like when I'm in need of a soda, but not today. I was very nice to this lady. Then she tried to jump off my cot which turned into a ruckus and I quickly became friends with a cop named Mike. Or maybe Tom. It didn't matter. (Did I mention we took her to the hospital because Mike (or Tom) found her unresponsive and unconscious in lockup? She stayed that way for us until we got outside and the cool nights air starting blowing over her. After that there was nothing but crying and yelling and purse throwing.) After that experience (and deciding, yet again, there's no way I'll pursue a job as a police officer because I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut) I felt a Diet Pepsi was justified. Sure, I could have went to 7-11 and got a nasty dog with mustard. A fast food place was probably open with yummy fries. But, no, tonight I decided to have will power, and I decided I was going to treat it to Diet Pepsi deliciousness.

Problem: I only had 44 cents in my pocket. The machine takes 50.

I asked my partner if he had change. He didn't. I searched my car. Nothing. Ugh.

OK, so it wasn't meant to be. I finished my water. I could feel crankiness (more pissed offness) creep up inside. (My old partners know exactly what I'm talking about.)

Then I hear, "were you looking for a dime? I found one in my bed." It was fate. It was meant to be. I grabbed the dime and headed upstairs for a Diet Pepsi. I was smiling. Literally. I couldn't wait til it hit my lips. I came back to the office and opened the can.

The first sip? Disgusting. I'm not kidding. I wouldn't kid about something like this. No syrup. Ok maybe a touch, but if I wanted club soda I would have got that. All I got was tan colored carbonated water. What a disappointment. :( So now its 2:25 am, and I'm typing with sad little fingers.

Tomorrow: I'm treating myself to the biggest fountain soda I can find. And it will be wonderful.

Oh, and Brian.....better get your grilling outfit on because I want hot dogs for lunch tomorrow. With mustard. And hopefully less wrinkly and shriveled up than 7-11's. They remind me of an old man's butt. Its sad I know what old man's butt looks like. With that, I'm going to sleep. Hopefully.